Feeling sick at the thought of it but our only option

[mamaduckbone]

Please give me a pep talk and tell me all will be ok...

I'm returning to work full time in June after a year's maternity leave with ds2 and I'm absolutely dreading it.

My dh will be a SAHD, as he's been retraining for 2 evenings a week for 3 years, hates the job he's doing now and has a chance of starting to gradually build up experience in his new field during school holidays (I'm a teacher), weekends etc.

If he stayed where he is full time I'd still need to work 3 days a week for financial reasons which would mean 3 days nursery for ds2 and breakfast / after school club / childminder for ds1, who starts school in September. So this is by far the best option for us - our children will be looked after by one parent, it just won't be me.

I know the reality of the work itself won't be too bad, and my head is a mother herself and very supportive, but the thought of leaving the baby, and not being the one walking ds1 to school and back, taking him for playdates etc. is really hurting.

Sorry, just had to get that off my chest. I know lots of people are in a harder situation but it's really hard to think that the only thing stopping this from being a really good arrangement is the fact that I don't want to do it.

Please help me see the bright side...

That both of them will be in school really soon and then you'll be knocking about all alone at home
Going back to work part-time is the best of both times, time to develop your career/job and be there for your DCs
It seems awful now, but give it a few months and it will all seem really normal
Good luck

Sorry , you'll be full time, not part-time, but your DCs will have excellent childcare in the shape of your DH
It makes sense, but I can see why you are sad

You'll have some really good laughs in the staff room.

The kids you teach will do amusing things and you can laugh at them.

You'll have a reason to put on smart clothes and update your wardrobe.

You'll be able to have a cup of tea in relative peace.

Your DCs will have a wonderful chance to bond with their dad.

Your DH will appreciate your hard work more than ever before.

The kids you teach will give you oh-so-beautiful presents at Christmas.

after just a few days the bit of your brain that thinks about things other than tiny minute details of cleanliness and food will suddenly go BOING and you will begin relishing conversation, engagement and time to just have one person in your head, once more. it's tough missing out on the growing up stuff, no doubt about that, and it'll be half term and then Xmas BEFORE YOU KNOW IT and you can spend every waking minute revelling in them again for weeks on end.

Thank you thank you thank you!

Sorry to post and run - I realised the time and had to dash off to pick ds1 up from pre-school, only just had a chance to get back on.

All these things are true. I just need to keep reminding myself.

The chance to bond with their dad is a big one - when he's working full time as he is now it's out of the house at 8 and back in at 6.30 - at least I can come home earlier and eat with the ds's.