Return to work or be a stay at home Mum?

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I have a 10 month old baby girl and i'm due to return to work in 1 month. I feel very anxious about going back!! I'm in the very fortunate position whereby i'm not obliged financially to return to work but i thought as my boss is being so flexible with my hours etc then i may aswell give it a go.
My daughter will be cared for at nursery whilst i go to work part time.
I feel very guilty about doing this as i know that i could stay at home and care for her myself.
Before I went on maternity leave, my work gave me huge self-confidence and a sense of purpose.
I'm not sure i'm a very good 'stay at home Mum'. But then maybe i haven't made much effort to join local activities etc?? Pls help.... What should I do?

I guess some other considerations are

If you didn't go back;

• how often do other jobs in your field arise; if you changed your mind could you get another one?
• Is there anything similar you could do from home/freelance at some point? Or a correspondence course that would look good on your CV?
• What other ways can you think of for stimulating you brain and meeting other people? (eg, when I became a SAHM I took up piano lessons, and joined a book club in a local bookstore)
• Could you try out some mother & baby groups over the next few weeks to get an idea for if you'd enjoy them? (The key to coping being a SAHM is not actually staying in the home much! Having lots of activities to attend.

If you do go back;

• How is it going to work when DD is ill? Is it always you who will have to pull out of work, or can DH share this?

-Are you planning another DC in a year or 2, and if so, do you want to get maternity leave again? It is at the 2 chil;d stage that a lot of women give up work, if they can afford to like you. The childcare becomes more complicated and expensive, and there are more SAHM activities available.

How part-time is your pt?

Just some questions to get you thinking; For what its worth I didn't need to work financially, so didn't, and haven't regretted it for a minute. However, in my field pt wasn't possible.

Please don't feel guilty - you'll find so many posts on here with others like you agonising over this. As a mum, we tend to feel guilty about everything and anything, especially if that thing involves doing something for ourselves! (my friend refers to it as the court of motherhood, in which she is regularly in the dock!)

A happy mummy makes for a happy child IMO, your confidence and achievement will be a positive influence. At the moment, there appears to be a bit of a press witch hunt on working mums, but only because as many of things do, it makes a juicy subject that leads to lots of debates on sites like this!

My own experience is I work 4 days a week and have done since dd was about the same age as yours (actually started again at about 5 1/2 mths with 2 days and gradually increased). Did lots of research and nursery visits, found not the most convenient but certainly the one with the best care and my dd is a thriving, sociable, bright little 3 yo. She has 3 days there and a day with GM Yes I do still get those guilty feelings very occasionally but I think there's some truth in the effort you put into the time you have together. Quality time is a bit of a cliché but there is a grain of truth there. I make a much better part time working mum than I ever would a stay at home mum.

Well it really depends on how you think your dd will be at nursery and how important it is for you to go back to work for yourself. Perhaps you could give yourself a set time, say 6 months to see how it works out?

I'm in a similar situation, my ds is 11mo, I'm going back 3 days a week in a months time and he will go to nursery. Financially I don't have to go back either. After quite a bit of uncertainty I am now sure that I am doing the right thing for both me and ds. He is now crawling and taking much more interest in other babies, he gets easily bored if he's just in the house with me and loves having more people around and therefore I think he will benefit from being in nursery part of the week. Also I know that while I love being at home with him now it's not always going to be enough for me as a person as I need more mental/social stimulation. I do think it is important that I keep my own identity so that I can be a better wife & mother and not completely neurotic about & obssessed the whole time with ds (which I confess I have a tendancy to be!) I want to keep my career ticking over now so that when he (and any other dc that might come along ) are at school I can then focus more on my career.

I don't think any decision can be absolutely right, there are always compromises and you just have to do what feels right for you and your daughter.

best of luck

I went back when DD was 10 months and enjoyed it after the initial settling in period. Part-time (3 days a week) worked well for me as I still got to spend time with DD but got a break by going to work as well. She got a break from me too, and got to socialise and have different experiences at nursery.

I'm now SAHM and I do miss working; not just the mental and financial benefits but the little things like having time to read the paper at lunch, going to the loo on my own (!) and having something else to discuss with DH apart from nappies and childcare. But, sitting on the fence a bit, I don't see the time I'm at home with her now as time wasted as she'll be grown up soon.

If you can do part time I would suggest you go back - if it doesn't work out you can always leave, but if you don't try, you may regret it. Don't feel guilty about using a nursery; your DD may really enjoy it. Again, if she doesn't settle, you can always reconsider.

Thank you so much for all your replies. It's the first time i've ever used a 'talk' forum like this and i've found it really helpful. It's so reassuring to know that there are so many people who understand how difficult the whole 'motherhood' thing is!

Why don't you go back and give it a go. If you don't like it then leave! It's helped me to feel that nothing has to be forever.
Good luck!

Have you considered doing something different? I'm an Usborne rep and I've found it's a brilliant way of keeping my "work" brain going and still being able to stay at home with my DS. I can do stuff at home during the day and parties/fetes etc. in evenings and at weekends, it's the best of both worlds

It's also a really good way to get involved with local activities like toddler groups.

If you're interested CAT me and I'll send more info.