Am I mad to consider full time work with a commute?

[houseontopofahill]

My children are nearly 7 and nearly 3, and I'm thinking of applying for a full time job. I've got myself in a tangle trying to decide whether to or not. I'd much rather work part time so I can see my kids, but I've been trying to find relevant part time work on and off over the last six years to no avail. My husband is an actor and hasn't had much work over the last six years so we're struggling to pay the mortgage and bills. He's going to retrain as a teacher but that won't be til Sept 2011. So me going full time seems a really good option for us financially, but a terrible option for my relationship with my children. With the commute and the work hours I'd be out of the house 8.30am to 7pm five days a week, and my husband would be the househusband. Does anyone else on here do crazy hours like this? Do you think it would be too unfair on the children? Help me decide what to do!

You and your dh are a partnership and you need to work together. If one of you is more able to earn a regular income at this time then that is the sensible thing to do, regardless of who it is. The fact that you have the opportunity for one of you to stay at home is fantastic, and is a more comfortable position than many people are in.
You will be able to go and get on with your job without worrying about getting home to pick up the children at x time, what you will do when one of them is sick etc issues which can be unsettling for many working parents.
My Dad trained to be a teacher when I was young which meant that he was always around in the holidays, my Mum worked full time when my Dad stopped work to train and she said that she was always very grateful that she didn't have the holiday childcare worries that many parents have.

Good luck with the application,

MLx

Axis do you work?

Axis this isn't about it being a major issue one parent being out of the house FT. If it was I wouldn't be applying for the job, would I?

After seven years at home with the children it's about the potential massive transition, and therefore the difficult decision to make such a transition that is the major issue for me. Having been out of the workplace so long it's very very hard to imagine going back, making it work, not missing the kids like crazy, not worrying that my dh is doing all the wrong things with them, not worrying that they will hate and resent me. I have no doubt that they will be cared for adequately, but I have deeper concerns about my own, personal relationship with them. A good friend recently told me he has a bad relationship with his mother and she went out and worked FT and 'left him with various nannies'. I tried to encourage him to see it from his mother's point of view, but he was completely unable to, and had massive resentment for her. I can't help but be affected by his story, and take that into my own decision making process.

However, my concerns and worries do not mean I won't take the job if I'm offered it. I'm hoping that if I am offered it that I CAN make it work and still be close to my children. I would dearly love to hear from other working mothers that they still have very close relationships with their children - I would be especially interested to hear from those who have gone back to work after being around at home for a lot of years.

I know if I'd gone back earlier they wouldn't know any different, but as they're very used to having me around I know they will certainly 'punish' me for a bit and give me guilt trips. They already do (sometimes) on the rare occasions that I leave the house!

house I worked ft until recently, and so did my dh. I got home around 6.30pm usually, though occasionally snuck out to pick the kids up and do things with them. They went to bed at around 8.30pm, and prob would have gone earlier had I not been working.

I'm looking for a new job now - we moved to a different country 6 months ago and I've been at home since. The boys are now 8, 5 and 3 and all at the same school all day for the first time, so logistically speaking it would be much easier for me and dh to both work ft now than ever before. I don't like being sahm anyway and enjoy my career.

I think you will have no problem with peace of mind as your dh will be the main carer. I was always afraid that something would go wrong with my complicated childcare arrangements, creche pick-ups etc, and that was very stressful. This for me is the main thing, so you can relax about that.

Something that I think is very helpful in terms of your feeling that you are giving your kids enough attention is having one afternoon per week when you come home early. After you have got a job it's a good idea to see whether there's scope for that, for example by going in 30 mins earlier in the mornings so you can pick them up from school on Wednesdays or whatever. I never had that regularity in my job, but I more or less managed to do an afternoon with the boys once per week and that was nice for me and them.

The other thing is to make sure everything's smooth with your dh by discussing all of your little concerns. It's awful to have a row because your feeling annoyed that he lets them put sugar on their frosties or whatever!

hth! Good luck - it sounds like you're making a sensible decision.

I hadn't realise this thread was still going.

FWIW my mother went back to work when my siblings and I were similarish ages to your children and I can't see that causes any problems for us. My relationship with my mother certainly isn't perfect these days but any issues I may have with her are in no way connected to this. Your children may TRY to give you guilt trips but whether this will work will depend on whether you actually feel guilty for your actions. And I can't see in your situation what you could have to feel guilty about. If you go in with the attitude openly or more subconsiously that you need forgiveness for your actions and deserve punishment you're setting yourself up for misery.

I don't think I'm going to have anything else constructive to add to this.