Working mums - whats the "best" comment another mum has made about you being a working mum?

[mandymoo]

A woman who i've never met asked me if i worked(whilst i was in the park with me child). Being the polite girl that i am I said "yes, i like to keep my brain active"

This woman then said "I prefer to keep my brain with my children"

Er- whatever love!!

Why do people feel it necessary to comment on whether mums work or not. She didnt know my personal circumstances - I may HAVE to work!

God it really winds me up

Has anyone else had stupid comments like this just cos they dare to work???

I can sort of sympathise with mm's comment, although I probably wouldn't have said that to someone I didn't know. My job requires concentrated, complex thought and since I've been on leave with my ds I feel as though I've had some sort of interrupt switch implanted in my brain and it's harder to plan or concentrate on anything.

To be honest I play the whole brain thing both ways, I'm reasonably mentally competent when I want to be but still use the 'baby brain' excuse more often than I should because I'm a bit lazy (sometimes it is true though).

Ags, you are so right - in the scheme of things this really isn't a biggie - was just interested to see if other working mums had comments made about them.

My "i like to keep my brain active" comment was meant as a polite throw away remark - as in i like to have other things to think about. I have had period of not working and being a SAHM and i would prefer to be a SAHM but have to pay the bills. I actually envy those of you who can be SAHMs - certainly wouldnt want to offend anyone.

Mandymoo - lighten up please

Believe me, in terms of the usual SAHM v WOTHM threads this is child's play so far.

By now there would normally be punches being thrown

I'm running Moo, you still haven't got me yet

whatever

feel like i'm constantly having to justify myself

Mandy - why do you think that is??

Do you really want to be working or would you rather be at home? Is that what is really behind the feeling guilty?

Never justify mm - I don't, I just do what I want and don't worry what others do/think. But then I'm fairly self-centered, even if someone was deliberately criticising me I would tend to assume that they were unhappy with their choice but in denial, or that they had no social skills.

how can you possibly see 'i like to keep my brain active' as a POLITE remark .. it is scathing and derogatory when used in the context of WOHM/SAHM

Didn't I say this would start a fight?

mandymoo, soapbox is right - this is small stuff compared to some of the WOTH/SAHM bust-ups we've had on here.

Er...... enjoy going out to work but would rather be at home with my dd - so yeah, probably feeling guilty about not being around all the time. I know being a SAHM isnt all coffee mornings and toddler groups - i have been there

Wasnt trying to start a bust up - not my style

I'm a SAHM and from where I stand its coffee and cakes all the way

(hence I am renaming myself treetrunk )

see?

If it makes you feel any better I once said to a SAHM that I didn't like being at home because I found it boring, which she interpreted as saying that she was boring.

My throw away comment cost me a fledgling friendship but taught me a valuable lesson on keeping my thoughts to myself

see?

good advice soapbox and point taken XX

am i forgiven??

I'm being a little tongue in cheek, mandymoo (do you think we're related, btw?) I think you're possibly super-sensitive on this subject and you need to stop feeling guilty about the choices you've made: they are what is right/needed for you and your family. If a similar conversation occurs again and you are asked if you work, you could try saying "yes...do you?" That's what I do (and smile sweetly when asked by a WOTH Mum "what on Earth do you do all day?" Grrrrrrrr....) No-one should need to justify what they do - and to be fair, in 8 years of being a SAHM - that's the only blatantly negative comment I've had.

Mandymoo - I hate the attitude that some people have about me working! Although I perhaps wouldn't have said what you said (been on MN too long )!

BUT WHY OH WHY do some people I talk to assume you work to GET AWAY from your parental duties???? I don't! I work coz I really have too.... not to live luxuriously..... just to live.

I am about to back fulltime after doing 4 days a week. (dd now 11mths). I am so sad about it and it makes me feel shit..... BUT I HAVE TO to pay off debts accrued during my maternity leave!

There... nuff said from me.

if someone asks me if I work I always say "No, I sit at home all day with my feet up, watching TV" - get it in there first before the other person can say it...

Will remember all this for next time

My MIL refuses to tell people that I work - i do 13 hours a week one on one teaching - She thinks me being a SAHM sounds better and more impressive. My job gets dismissed as more of a hobby.

But Toothache even that statement makes lots of assumptions!

I work because I want to work, end of story. I don't have bills to pay, could give it all up tomorrow if I wanted to but I don't.

Does that make my position any less valid than yours????

BTW, really don't mean it in a narky way, just pointing out the dangers of trying to say anything meaningful on this topic! Most of the statements that we make on SAHM V WOTHM are based on assumptions that we make about what motivates people to make the choices they have. The problem is that we don't all make the choices for the same reasons and therefore the assumptions do not fit all of the people all of the time.

Far better not to make the assumption in the first place IME

Can someone now please kill this thread for me please???! XX

oooooohhhh - looks like i killed it all by myself!!

bobbybob...the woman is obviously barking. Is she a Daily Mail reading southern counties type?

Er no. She had to work when her kids were little and FIL has a responsible but badly paid job. I think she is projecting a little onto me.

She won't call ds Bob though, says it is a sheepdogs name. Now that is barking (ha ha)