I have to give up my lovely job...

[storyglory]

I work every day 10-3 in a lovely job that suits me and is term time only.I get to be around books all day which is just a dream and I really enjoy and get along with the ladies I work with.The past few months though my son has not been very well,he is run down and very tired,and his skin has broken out in excema.His nursery and doctor both said he needs a break.I asked work if I could have one day a week off for a term or so to get him back on track and my (department)boss said this was absolutely fine but apparently it went further up to head office and the decision was that I could have two weeks only of this arrangement.We are extremely quiet on this day and we three who work in this department know that it is no problem plus I am compensating and working extra hours on the other days.I am upset that some guy who doesnt even know me has made this decision?Last week the day with my son was wonderful,we read and rested and played in the garden.Do I give up my job??We can afford to and it would give me time to write which is ultimately what I really want to do..but I just cant help thinking good jobs that suit motherhood are so hard to come by and I might regret this decision?

I gave up a job I loved, I didn't have childcare and couldn't carry on

its shit, but sometimes you have to do whats best for your kids, we'll get our turn back someday!

Thanks ssdxx

Have you offered to reduce your salary accordingly?

If you havent, they probably dont have the budget to keep you on the same salary, for working just 4 rather than 5 days per week.

If you havent already, can you ask if they would reconsider if you took a salary drop this term?

Could you find alternative childcare, such as a childminder? You might find that a childminder might be better suited to give your son one on one time, and take her cue from his energy levels, rather than expecting him to fall in with the activities in the nursery.

do you have a partner? can't he take some time off?

I wouldn't give up a job like that

Did you make a formal flexible working request? If so what exactly did the formal response back say?

or holiday that you can use for a while?

My partner is the main breadwinner so definately cant take time off and I did think about childminder but they are all so busy around here.His nursery is actually a lovely place( a big old house in the country)with chickens and organic garden...but I just feel that he needs me for awhile.I am paid hourly not salary and would happily take less but I dont think that is the issue with them?I dont earn very much at all?It might be worth chatting to them about it though or maybe advertising for a Grandma?

I don't think a childminder would be able to give your ds the one on one time he needs, a CM can have up to 6 kids at a time and most work to full capacity to earn a decent amount

it sounds like you need a nanny, but this option might be very expensive

doesn't he get leave though, your partner? just because he gets paid more, doesn't mean he can't take a few days off to help with ds.

I mean this situation with his eczema won't be permanent. All children are a bit worn down at this time of year and once the weather turns, they seem to get revitalised!

Ultimately, if you want to give it up and spend time with ds then do so. But once he starts school, I have a feeling you might kick yourself for giving up something that is so convenient and that you enjoy.

What do you do at the moment when he is ill?

Overcautious:No I didnt make a formal request, am I eligible for this working part time hours already?Chasingsquirrels I dont get paid hols but do have a lot working in a private school anyway?Thats the thing,do I just hang in there, we only have five weeks until Easter?But the thought of sending him off for another full week gives me such a sinking feeling like I am doing the wrong thing?

Have you tried appealing against the decision? I know in my job they can decline to agree to flexi requests but they have to be able to prove you reducing your hours would be detrimental to the job, are you with a union? If it was me I would get my union rep on the case...if you really want to stay on that is?

Anyone can make a flexible working request - it is however a permanent arrangement, just noticed you only want a temporary change. Have a look here though for more details
www.direct.gov.uk/en/Employment/Employees/WorkingHoursAndTimeOff/DG_10029491

Also you are entitled to paid Holidays - here is another link www.direct.gov.uk/en/Employment/Employees/Timeoffandholidays/DG_184563

HTH

Your so right fox in socks..At the moment when he is ill,it is ultimately me who takes time off and I have quite a bit lately.I do need to take heed of your advice though and remember that this is only temporary,children do bounce back dont they?My partner is great with shared responsibility but he has been adviced that he needs to find 'alternative arrangements for anything more than a day'of a child being ill.We dont have family here,just us so there is not a lot of alternatives?There is no way we could afford a nanny.

yes children do bounce back and it is hard when they are at nursery at that age as they do tend to pick up everything going - and when they are asthmatic/eczema children, unfortunately, it does tend to have a knock on impact on their conditions. I found that with my two and it is very dispiriting! I too felt like you and just wanted to take time off and nurture them until they were better!

My other thought would be that we are only about 6 weeks off Easter Hols? So not too long till a nice break for both of you.

I'm sorry to hear about dh's work. He may not want to make a stand but he could if he wanted to as he is entitled to emergency time off for dependants and he is also entitled to take leave, if he wished and they agreed to the timing. I understand though, that in some workplaces, it is very hard to take time off for children's illnesses.

It is very hard with no back up - we also have no family nearby or someone who can step in. It makes it extremely difficult to have 2 people working as someone, inevitably, has to take the time off. Also, when they are ill, you do tend to want to be with them, especially when they are little!

It might be worth advertising for a granny but I think you need to think about a long term plan too - because there will always be illnesses - and you need to decide how you will approach them going forward (whether it will always be you and how you will manage this!).

Thank you over cautious,that is great,I am a bit naieve to working rights etc..it is so nice talking this through,it has been going over and over in my mind!I think in my heart if they offered me four days permantly I would be so happy with this,this is my last child and I realised last week how much I enjoyed him and I hanging out.I am his Mama but on saying that I love that he enjoys nursery and he needs all that they have to offer (social time, loads of art and craft etc and baking!)I also love getting up and putting nice work clothes on and heading out to a little job that encourages my passions..

Fox in socks,what do you do when the children are ill?

Could you not get a temp nanny? Even if that costs you a lot of money in the short term, in the longer term it would be a worthwhile investment as you would keep your job?

both of us work full time and we now have a nanny

we didn't always have one

when dd was a baby we sent her to a nursery and she kept coming down with illnesses and was hospitalised a lot. Dh could never take time off work to help - this was before all the legislation came in to help families with children - but his work was such that if he had done that, he may well have eventually been penalised at work for doing so and his job was such at the time that he worked to regular deadlines so missing days of work would have meant missing deadlines which would have been virtually impossible for him to get away with! He also travelled for work which meant he wasn't around.

At the time, I was completely torn - much like you are now. I actually cried the whole of one night when I realised there was no alternative but for me to give up work and nurse dd back to health. I didn't want to give up my job but at that time, there was no way we could have afforded a nanny (even with both our salaries taken into account).

I was already pregnant with ds so I gave up work though I really didn't want to and was incredibly sad. Though I don't talk about it much on here , it caused some problems between myself and dh because it made me resentful as I felt he got to continue with his job and I didn't. We have resolved that now but I was cross about it for a long time.

Anyway, I had a lovely time with dd and ds and ultimately, dd's health improved ten fold and we didn't have another hospital admission from that date onwards (other than a scheduled op she needed). Because dh and I had earned similar salaries, we had to downscale massively and move area and get a lower mortgage.

Ultimately, this helped as when I went back to work we could afford a nanny this time and that's where we are now.

I do regret giving up my job because I think, if I'd put my mind to it, I could have come up with a solution. But I don't regret, for one second, the time I got with dd and ds. I loved every minute of it.

Thank you all for your kindness and honesty.Unfortunately a Nanny would be way out of our comfort zone financially, I just cant help feeling a few more weeks with me and some warmer weather my son will be back on track,I guess if this means my job suffers then so be it.I absolutely have to put him first.

I would move heaven and earth to find a short term solution to get you and your ds through this. Children do bounce back quickly, and your working hours are short already, so it's not as if you don't get time with him.

Just seems a shame to contemplate giving up a job which you clearly love. Your emotional wellbeing is crucial to the well being of your family. If you end up having to go into a less interesting/family friendly job in the longer term, then you might have more problems further down the line.

Yes, our children come first, but it seems sad if there's no solution you can find other than giving up completely.

I would think very carefully about giving up such a great job which you clearly love. As someone who has worked part-time for many years I would say that sometimes it's worth the temporary inconvenience to keep a good job going. Try to think of all the options: if either you or your DH took a day off in the week could you make up the work at the weekend while your son has the other parent at home to care for him, alternatively might they give you a career break for a few months? If your colleagues don't mind taking up the slack then perhaps highlighting the saving to the budget of you temporarily decreasing your hours will go down well in this era of 'doing more with less'. Agree with foxinsocks that just because your partner works full time / gets paid more doesn't mean he shouldn't help, especially when you consider how much your salary will contribute to the family income in the longterm. Good luck.

If you've been with your employer for a year or more you can make a request for parental leave. This is unpaid (but so is giving up work!) and you can request time off for up to 13 weeks until the child is 5 years old and usually no more than 4 weeks leave can be taken in any one year (the year starts from your child's birthday unless you've been there less than one year). Your employer might be more generous than the fallback position so check their policy.

Parental leave must be taken as a whole week and a week is your usual working week. More info here

There is no requirement to fill out special forms but your workplace may have one they'd like you to complete. Your request should be approved within one week of making it.

Unlike flexible working requests it cannot be declined. They can only defer it if they give you a valid "business reason" why you can't take it straight away.

Don't threaten to resign if you don't get it - but maybe have a quiet word with your boss that you are seriously considering whether to give up work as you want to be able to do the best for work and your family.

Your other options besides the flexible working request and parental leave maybe you could take some annual leave? Or request unpaid leave.

Hope you get a solution that works for you and work

Thank you ladies,I think a 'quiet word' might just be the answer,my immediate boss is very approachable.After reading all the 'info' you guys provided, Im going to go into work tomorrow and ask to look at all my options.