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I need advice on combining love of career with being a Mum

10 replies

Caoils35 · 20/02/2010 18:27

I am 35 years old and recently gave up my job in London to find a career closer to home as my husband and I want to start a family next year.
I have no friends who are full time (or part time) working Mums so I have no idea what I am letting myself in for.
How difficult is it to combine a full time career with being a Mum?
I love my career and at times wish my husband could have the baby not me!
I do really want a child but am scared that "having it all" means not being a very good Mum.
My husband is very supportive but is also terrified he will get left "holding the baby" if I continue being as career driven after having our child

Any career driven Mums or Mums who were career driven b4 kids have any advice for me?

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 20/02/2010 18:35

What career are you in? IMO most of the time something has to give - but that doesn't mean you won't find a compromise you are happy with. If your DH is happy to do more childcare than you, that could work and be a good solution - children are happy as long as they are cared for, they won't mind it being him rather than you if that makes sense.

BelleDameSansMerci · 20/02/2010 18:38

If you have good, reliable, excellent childcare you will have no problems at all. Apart from the lure of your child . It's all about knowing that your child is well cared for and happy. If you can crack this then you'll be able to have both/it all.

elliepac · 20/02/2010 18:44

Evening. I currently am a mum of 2 (6 and 1) and am a head of department in a secondary school. The simple answer to your question is yes, it is entirely possible to do both. Is it easy? No! Being a good mum has nothing to do with whether you work or not though there those who will disagree with me i am sure. What i do think you will find is that you will find yourself completely re-adressing your priorities. I was always quite career driven, i certainly love my job but my dc's now come first and if my career suffers so be it. You will also find there are actually not enough hours in the day, housework is always the first thing to go in my house

elliepac · 20/02/2010 18:48

oh yes, i forgot that bit. i have a fantastic childminder who has had my eldest since he was 1 and now has them both. i can leave them knowing she loves them as if they were her own (costs a fortune though!)

Caoils35 · 20/02/2010 21:53

BertieBotts I work as an account manager. So at the minute I guess I'm trying to get my head around the fact that when I get pregnant and go on maternity leave that one of my colleagues will take over managing my clients and the longer I'm gone the higher the risk of me losing my clients.

Has anyone worked in sales or as an account manager? It would be great to hear their experience.

It seems that reliable childcare is part of the key to making it work.

OP posts:
WidowWadman · 20/02/2010 23:48

Don't worry about not being a good mum. Aim for being a good enough mum. I work full time and with commuting etc (including nursery run which is a 6 mile detour, but it's such a good nursery) I'm out of the house around 11 hours a day. But it's not the amount of time I'm away and the daughter is at nursery that matters, but the time when we're together.

Yeah, I do sometimes get guilt pangs, but I also know that towards the end of my maternity leave I was starting to slowly go mad, because I missed work. Now I'm much more relaxed and the daughter and I can enjoy each other's company more.

Also, as my husband is always happy to point out - if I'm not spending enough time with my daughter or my working means I'm a bad mum, it would also mean that he's a bad dad who's not spending enough time with her and he absolutely rejects the idea. Seeing how much she adores him, I think he's right.

BelleDameSansMerci · 21/02/2010 08:29

Caoils - I was an Account Director/Manager at a big American communications company when I "fell" pregnant (a bit of a surprise) with DD. I had been there for 10 years and was widely recognised as being major contributor blah, blah, blah - you know how it is!!

So, my account (had one major financial institution in UK; biggest target; etc) had to be looked after by some young whipper snapper while I was off. Like you, I dreaded this... The good news, though, was that they really missed me and were overjoyed when I came back to work (and I'm not that good).

I know it's dog eat dog in Sales but if you're good and I bet you are, then I think you'll be surprised at how much you will be missed and also how much clients will put up with from someone covering the account temporarily.

Women are always better at relationship management and sales than men are. We have to work harder in the first place and I women in business always just get on with it and don't have all that ego crap getting in the way IMO.

I did find it hard when I got back as I had been so career focussed previously. I made a very difficult decision when I was head hunted by a very large UK communications company (it's good to talk, and all that) and actually ended up moving from my old job within six months of being back at work (only had four months off - single parentm needed the money). This, in hindsight, was a mistake. I think you need to give yourself time to get back into the rhythmn of things before you make any major decisions on your return to work.

What area of business are you in? Just being nosey!

Caoils35 · 21/02/2010 09:55

BelleDameSansMerci - I am interviewing at the moment and have a number of options open to me.....

  1. Work 3 days a week from home for my former employer growing sponsorship revenue on a number of finance conferences. Other 2 days I would volunteer as a major donor fundraiser for a local charity.
  1. Work full time for a small company with big growth potential. Product is business intelligence and clients are fund managers. Potential to move into people management or stay as an account manager.
  1. Move into recruitment for a FTSE 250 recruitment company in a fast growing market sector with a view to managing my own team in 2 years.

There are positives and negatives to all of the options.

I'm at a crossroads and I don't know how much having a baby in the next 2 years should influence my next career move.....

OP posts:
BelleDameSansMerci · 21/02/2010 10:31

OK...

Only based on my experience/thoughts I would say the following:

  1. This sounds ideal but don't underestimate how hard it will be to work from home with a baby. Unless you have childcare at home or are using a nursery it's virtually impossible to work from home with either a baby or small child around. I work from home and when DD isn't at nursery (illness/snow/etc) it's just not possible to do my job properly.
  1. This option sounds really interesting. I'm sure you'd do this anyway but you probably do need to check out their maternity policy etc. Small companies can struggle with even the legal minimum stuff as the impact is so much greater. I'm sure you know all this...
  1. You'd probably be more secure in a FTSE250 company in terms of maternity leave/payment terms etc (maybe not legal minimum).

I envy you your choices! At present, I'm in a bit of a rut but need to stay put until I can get a few other things sorted out! I need an au pair really but can't bear the thought of sharing my home!

Caoils35 · 26/02/2010 18:28

Thank you all of you. What I realise is that I can't prescribe now for 2 years down the line.
I am going to make choices now based on what I want now. When I get pregnant and have a baby I will make the changes as they are needed.
I'm lucky enough to be able to do that.
You've been a great help.

I'll be back!!

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