Feeling really unsure

[vickie]

Am thinking of going back to work in sept but seem to spend a lot of my time wondering if this is the best thing to do. Only really going back for the money and feel this is a selfish reason to return. I know I will miss dd so much but it will only be for 3 days a week.

can anyone say anything to reassure me that she will be ok at nursery and that Im not a bad mother for sending her there and that she wont be scarred for life!

vickie, like you I am going back to work for the money (before overdraft spirals out of control!) and just wanted to let you know that I sympathise with how you feel. I have just spent the last half an hour crying my eyes out just thinking of how much I'm going to miss dd. Heaven knows what I'll be like when it comes to the actual day!

Anyway, you have got a load of good advice here (which I am taking note of too!) especially Wills on giving yourself 6/12 months.

I can honestly say that if I won the lottery I would put dd in nursery for a couple of mornings a week so I suppose the guilt I feel must be associated with my returning to work for more money rather than for her own benefit (if you get my drift!). Think I am probably punishing myself more than I need to about wanting extra money to treat us to things we wouldnt normally have....oh, and spiralling overdraft also cupkate

Vickie, I would also put DS in nursery if I won the lottery a couple of days each week. He really loves it there and, having seen his enjoyment for myself, I have absolutely no guilt about putting him in nursery.

When you choose a nursery, make sure they have a settling in period. With mine, I put DS in for a few half days and I was allowed to stay with him for as long as I wanted (I thought this would make it worse so I didn't stay long). It took about four half day sessions and when his nursery nurse told me he had a good nap the first full day then I knew he was comfortable there. Now when I collect him he's always engrossed with playing with something.

I think there are good nerseries and not so good ones and only experience of knnowing what to look out for will help.

My dd (20m) is starting at nursery for 2 days a week and I am cutting down on my Nanny to 2 days. Problem is that my Nanny is expensive and I feel I spend less time with my children when she is here than if dd and ds had a realtively short day (9 -4) at nursery or pre school.

My SIL lives on a kibbutz in Israel and they have a nursery where you must put your children after 6 months and go back to work on the kibbutz. You are allowed back from your job in the day to breastfeed if you need to. The children have a fantastic life!

vickie, I don't think a decision about going back to work is solely about money - I mean that I don't think the only thing that justifies mothers going back to work is that they need the money - I also think it is perfectly justifiable to go back to work because you need the mental stimulation, or you need something in your life which is for you, and not necessarily all about husband, home and children. I do feel a bit that people are made to feel guilty for going back to work if they do it for themselves - and end up saying "oh we have to do it for financial reasons" - I think whatever makes you happy and fulfilled HAS to be good for your children.
not feeling particularly fluent today (does this post make any sense?) but I'm just saying don't think 100% in terms of what benefits the child directly, but what also benefits the child indirectly - ie having a happy fulfilled mother. Some people are completely fulfilled by staying at home, some people aren't. you have to work out what is best for you and not feel guilty about it, you are a loving mother and whatever decisions you make will be good for your daughter.

god, I need a coffee, I'm sure I could have said that in a sentence rather than that incoherent ramble!!

Sorry, I have my own thread about going back to work but thought I would butt in here as well...

Agree about each to their own, some women can't wait to go back to work, some dread it, neither side in any way 'better mothers' than the other.

I am lucky in that my MIL has my dd 4 days a week, soon to be 3, so I don't have to think about nurseries, however all my friends kids go and have to be practically dragged out at the end of the day, all love it. If I won the Lottery I wouldn't put my dd in nursery however, she would be too busy surfing on Bondi Beach

Just like to add my little bit here.

It was DS' first trial session at nursery today (I'm returning to work for 3 days a week after having been at home with him for a year). He clung to me for about a minute, saw the cars and got down and went. I thought I would stay with him for about an hour, they advised me to leave him for half a day. Did so, with tears welling up in my eyes ), but returned at 1pm, he was fine and threw a strop when I went to take him home!

So you never know , vickie, your dd may take to it like a duck to water. Having said that, DS is 22 months and it was his first trial session so it may not be plain sailing next time, but at least this one was a positive experience