Not sure what to do.... sorry it's a bit long

[thenamesarealltaken]

I returned to work two weeks ago, my baby's now 9 1/2 months old. I have no local family and don't know many people in the area, so I'm using nursery for my baby's day care. I started my baby at the nursery several weeeks early to get her used to it, but since I started work, her health has worsened, she's had temperatures, this bug, that bug, severe vomitting, diorrhea, etc., I've had to leave work early a few times, take days off, baby's hardly slept a full night, and today, my third week back, I've had to take the week off work to look after her, as she's worse still.

I've just cancelled her nursery, because I think it's not the 'cleanest' of places and I'm not overly happy with it in general, and I'm moving her to a brand new one that's just opened 2 weeks ago. The one she went to was my only choice until now.

But, to add to all this, my partner, my baby's dad, left the day before I started back at work, and he's signed a one year contract on a flat so it's not temporary. Because I'm upset about it, he's keeping his distance - until I can come to terms with it. We had no rows and he says he loves me and I did nothing wrong. He said he just wants to do his own thing, and called himself selfish (that's another long story!). He can't fund me while I'm in some transition, other than give a small amount of maintenance, as he doesn't get much of a wage and pays for two other children, but he is happy to help.

I have a mortgage, which was always in my name, but it's based on what my full time wage was. I'm now P/T, so I can just about manage. My employer suggested I take a month off work (unpaid of course) to sort things out with my baby, but I don't know how I could do that as I have all the financial issues to consider.

Sometimes I think it'd be better to stop trying to do the right thing and just leave work, hand the keys back to my house, and just get on with looking after my baby, and my other two children to a previously failed marriage, in rented accommodation, on benefits, until my baby's older. But, I've always worked and also, I'd have to wait 3 months or so wouldn't I, in order to get anything. I'm not sure what to do for the best.... I'm letting my employer down from day one of my return, and I'm feeling rubbish handing my baby to nursery when she's not herself. But actually she's been off ill for 3 of the 7 days that I should have worked so far. It's not looking good. I can't see her recovering at all for days, so I've booked the week off, so I'll have worked only 4 of the 9 days I should have worked by the end of my third week back,

I tried to go to CAB a few times, but they ask me to wait and it could be for hours. I just haven't been able to do that. but I might have to when my baby's feeling a bit better. I know I could receive income support and help with the interest on my mortgage, but at 40, i don't know how I'd return to work when my baby's 5 or 7. I'm only able to work P/T as I've been at my company for a while, but normally, the job I do attracts young males, full time only, and it is quite ageist (it's computer programming), also the technology moves so fast, that you're out of date in no time, and classed as inexperienced again. Maybe I could re-train. I'm just not sure and don't have chance to chat to anyone because I'm in every night with my baby.

Any suggestions would be welcome. It's nice to let off steam though.

Shite - you've got a lot going on there......

Your baby won't (I'm hoping) be ill for ever, hopefully not even for a month that your employer has asked you to take off.

How about just getting to the end of this week off then having the weekend and by Monday your baby might be so much better that you will feel OK about her going back to the nursery.

You then go back to your job and take it from there.

I'm just thinking of trying to cope with one thing at a time rather than the whole bucketload of crappola that you seem to want to sort out in one go.

Well giving baby a week off from all the bugs might help. But, so far she's been unwell for 10 weeks. So over 10 weeks, I've had her home for days, with temperatures, really bad diorrhea, sickness, and then she's better for a couple of days, then along comes a really bad cold that keeps her up all night for days, then better for a day!... it goes on, and now she's not stopped vomitting all weekend, has bad diorrhea, can't keep anything down and has a temperature. It's one long cycle. I feel cruel sending her along to get her next illness, that I end up considering jacking it all in.

It does sound like your baby has been very unlucky with her illnesses but lots of babies do get one cold after another in between other bouts of illness.

I kept telling myself it was all building up my childrens immune systems when it got to me but having said that have you aken her to the doctor with her vomiting and diorrhea?

On the nursery front, it is incredibly common for babies to get one illness after another when they first start nursery (and I'd assume with a childminder if it's a bigger setting). It's horrible, you feel guilty, but it does pass. DD is now 3 and (touch wood) pretty resistent to all but the worst bugs.

Your decision to move nurseries sounds very sensible if you weren't entirely happy with your first choice but FWIW, I doubt the bugs are from a "dirty" place but rather directly from the other children.

Your work sound supportive in offering you parental leave which is good. Can you speak to them perhaps about a shorter period of unpaid leave mixed with some annual leave to see you through these next weeks whilst DD recovers and you work on sorting out your other issues?

Good luck

Hi. I was panicing! My baby is still vomitting continually, 5 days on, but temp gone down... so I'm going to have to take next week off too. By the time she stops being sick, she'll need some time to get used to feeding again, and then be recovered enough to re-enter the bug ridden world of day care. I took her to GP and was told there's no magic! She's not dehydrated so I just got to take her home and let her get over it.

I agree, it's from other kids, and the nursery do let sick kids in, or should I say, sick kids seemed to be there, whether they have a policy or not.

I'm going to struggle to pay my bills, but baby comes first. I feel bad that when I return her, in better health, my baby will probably be ill yet again. I think she's getting really fed up with it all. She's normally such a happy, smiley baby. Giving up and going on benefits is not the option though is it! I have thought that if I end up 'sacked', I'll just get on with it, as I'm not sneaking a sick baby into nursery to make others ill, like some feel pressurised to do - hence making babies like mine constantly ill.

Thanks for your responses.