So were skint, have to go back to work and get a nanny for the kids - come tell me it'll be ok ...

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As it says really.

The baby is 17 weeks, toddler is 2.

We're up to our neck in debt and I need to get full time work to cover our outgoings - the left over income will just about cover a full time live out nanny.

Has anyone else done this? Feeling crazy guilt at the thought of leaving my babies.

Please someone tell me that this is going to be ok and that my kids won't suffer.

Also, has anyone got experience of a nanny - what are your tips? How much did you pay etc

Thanks in advance for all the help I know you're about to offer up.

Title should say we're skint - maybe work wasn't such a good idea after all!

There is lots of advice on here about nannies... I just wanted to say your children will be fine - they'll just love the input of another person who becomes a fixture in their lives and isn't distracted by trying to run a house! Mine have had a great experience, met lots of other children and done more activities than I would have done with them!

nannies are generally quite expensive, you might be better off looking for a place in a nursery, or a childminder.

Also, look into working tax credits, as some of your childcare costs may be covered.

Pop over to chilminders, nannies and au pairs for some more advice about cost, finding a nanny and possible other options.

Reemmber that there is more to a nanny than the net salary quoted on adverts - you'll need to factor in the gross cost, employers ni contributions, money for a kitty, possible running costs of nanny's car (depending where you are), feeding another adult for at least one meal a day etc. The actual salary cost depends where you are but ranges from £18-40k per annum. You probably won't get anyone doing 5 x 10 hour days for less than £500 a week gross live out, which is around £26k a year.

If you can get a registered nanny that will bring your costs down considerably if you/DP's employer offer a voucher scheme.

We think we've found a nanny - costs aren't anywhere as high as that - maybe because we're in wales rather than London or a big city?

This at least is reassuring.

I jus feel awful about leaving them with what is effectively a stranger, but I like Catilla's take on thinks - they probably would have more activities and more of a social life with a nanny!

Could well be - I suspect salaries are £1-2 lower net which can translate to huge gross savings. Have you factored in your 12% or so of employer's NI? Have you sorted the contract etc? Make sure you agree a gross wage, not net, otherwise you'll get stung for any tax code changes.

Nanny will quickly cease to be a stranger and can also do nursery duties which free up more time for you to spend doing fun stuff with your children. Always a good thing. Assuming you've checked them out properly they're a safe stranger to leave them with and a good handover should help alleviate some of your fears.

Bop over to CMs, nannies and au pairs and people will have lots of helpful advice for a first time nanny employer, which it sounds as though you are

I had a similar experience to you. Bought a new house thinking we could sell a flat we had. Turned out we couldn't, so all hands to the pump I had to go back to work after 4 years away from it - and 18mth old and a 4 year old.

I got two days childcare for the youngest and the 4 year old was three days in pre-school. So I ended up with a Nanny to do pick up and dinner twice a week and take them for a whole day for the other day - I only went back three days a week as my husband resigned from his job to take a better paying one and his boss made a counter offer. In the end I only worked for 8mths - most of which was enjoyable though a juggle.

It was a bad winter that killed me. Mummy must stay home with children with fevers and must stay home when she catches it too and it just went around and around that year. The feelings of guilt about not being able to work were nearly but not totally outweighed by the guilt I felt about resenting staying home to look after sick children and cancel the nanny.

Our Nanny was lovely and I just paid her an hourly rate cash in hand and she took the kids here and there and bought them books and craft materials and lunch out and never asked for more - I think I was just lucky. We remain good friends.

As for the effect on the kids? They were perfectly happy with the arrangement! They loved their centres and loved the nanny and used to proudly point out where mummy worked. Since then I have had another child and now I think the oldest one is a bit embarrassed that I don't work while all his friends mums do. You can't win!

Your kids will be fine - at least mine and loads of my friends kids survived. My 2 DC used a day nursery which was cheaper and offered more at the time for us. My DS who is now 10 is still friends with one of the boys he used to go to nursery with, despite them ending up going to different schools; and we are still in contact with the staff.

It made my DC social, and they tried new foods they wouldn't do for me etc

The nany works out at about just over a third of my earnings, therefore it adds up - tight but manageable. Believe it or not, nurseries in the area are far more - just over half my salary.

Really lovely to hear the stories where the kids got a better deal with a nanny!

Sorry - my typing is awful today - please excuse mistakes, as either breast feeding/cuddling/dealing with toddler.

Hopefully, the nanny will spend less time on MN than I do ...

I would say kids definitely benefit from having a nanny but then I was/am one. Just not working right now!

They'll behave better for nanny than for you though, just so you're prepared for that! She'll tell you they're no trouble, and mean it, and very polite and you'll be left wondering whether you're talking about the same children.

We had a summer nanny last year that worked out brilliantly. Kids adored her, it wasn't as cheap as childminders but worked for us. Go for it. They can be great, and ours did far more than I ever do with them.

My dds (now age 22 and 17) still keep in touch withe their nanny, and are honorary aunties to her dcs.

It can be a lovely relationship.