Older first time mothers - too old when I return to work

[cranbury]

I had DD when I was 36, DS when 38 nearly 39, if I don't return to work until he starts school, I will be 43-44 when I go back. I've been a SAHM all this time, I'm dying to go back to work, I had a very demanding career that I can't go back to as too much travelling and its a young persons career really. So I will have to start again doing something related though.

I'm worried how employers will see me having 7 or 8 years off. I don't think I would be happy with a part-time doing whatever type of job earning pin money. Worried nobody will employ me and I should go back to work sooner.

I really hated being picked up by a childminder when I was at school so this is colouring my judgement. I can't be a SAHM for ever, if I had family childcare options I would take it and I would love to work again.

How long ago did you have your DS? You say 'if' you don't return to work until he starts school, but is there any reason you can't?

Given your age (sorry!) is it possible that you hated being picked up by a childminder because everyone else had their mum pick them up? If it was, say, 35 years ago, that was mid-70's so I imagine most mums didn't work. That wouldn't be the case for your DD and DS.

DS 10 months, won't be happy at leaving him until he is 2 years old. I can return at any point of course, nothing stopping me except not wanting to leave my kids with a nanny probably (sorry so scared by childminder thats not an option). I do think its more the norm now for mothers to work you are right than in the 70s.

I had my DCs at the same age as you had yours. They are now aged 5 and 6. You will feel older at the school gates than you do at the office, IME!

sorry not to be more constructive - I have always worked.

Another thought about the passing of time to add to FloweryBBs - bosses and workplaces may have changed a bit too.

I am working in an office at the moment where I also worked 10 years ago.

10 years ago there were a couple of grumpy old men running the office - there was no job sharing, compressed hours or any of that. There were no female staff with small children.

10 years later a woman with teenage children runs the office. She has two female staff with small children with more flexible working arrangements. What this means is that where there was once a 'gap' - no female staff in a certain age bracket in the office - now things are looking up.

I don't think that this second boss, the woman with children, would look askance at time out of the workplace - she would want to know whether you can deliver a job now, not whether you delivered it four years ago IYSWIM. Anyway what I am saying is that maybe, just maybe, bosses have got a bit more enlightened in that time period too - partly because the old guard are getting older and a new guard has taken over.

I have always worked in a very male environment with very few/no senior women. All the senior men had stay at home wives. I hope I will be re-entering a new world. I've got at least 20 more years of work in me, this generation won't be retiring young, we can't afford to, nor will we want to.

What sort of work are you thinking about when both DC are at school?

Most jobs require some form of wrap-around care, even if you worked in education unless you were in the same school as DC your commute and term times would be unlikely to match.

Honestly, there are lots of good childcare options out there these days, I am in my 30s and remember my 2 childminders very fondly and have been very happy with my son's nursery.

I think most bosses would prefer an employee who had not been out of the workforce for more than 2 years.

I think if you did another degree and/or if you did lots of volunteer work like being a Treasurer or Secretary of something might help, though.

Oh well I've already had nearly 4 years out of work - so must be unemployable...

Can you maybe try to get over your own experience? I have used a childminder for my children and it has been great. If you really really want to get back into the workplace then yes, it probably will get harder the longer you leave it.

The other thing I can tell you from experience that it doesn't get easier as they get older. You always think it will, and that babies and toddlers are the hardesr time, but actually as they get older and want to do after school clubs and so forth, the logistics get quite complicated.

My advice to you would be to start looking into various forms of childcare now and see whether you think you can bring yourself to accept that your experience as a child may not have to colour what you do with your own children, if you get someone you are happy with.

I haven't worked since my first was born 5 years ago, and don't intend to return to work until the second is settled in school full time.

I understand where you are coming from, it feels like 100 years since I was working and imagine not fitting in any more. Like you, I don't think going back to my previous career is possible, but I don't want a 'pin money' job either.

But, in my previous job, I interviewed and recruited many back to work parents, I never saw it as a negative. Employers will want you for the skills that you have and what you can bring to the job. Think of it as another career change, first you were an account, then a SAHM, then a lion tamer (or whatever you choose )

Many women have has successful careers after children, there's no reason we shouldn't!

Thanks Havoc at least I'm not alone, think I am mainly craving the company of professional people at the moment and wondering will anybody want to employ me again. May do another Masters degree part time when first goes to school, although I must be heading towards the most qualified SAHM award.

When both DC at school, the school will provide after school care and clubs. DH would be able to drop them off most mornings. Holidays we would muddle through as most parents do.

From seeing my daughter grow up I would not miss the first 2 years of their lives they learn so much. I would probably be happier leaving my DD with a carer now she is over 3 but I know she would absolutely hate it!

Could you contact your local business link or job centre to see if they have any free courses you could attend to refresh your skills or to learn new ones before going back into the working world?

What did you do before you had children?

I decided to set up my own business after having my first child and now run a very successful virtual assistant business working from home.

I had my first at 36 and second at 39. I've felt compelled to go back after both times (albeit part time now) because like you, taking that time off and waiting until they're in school made me feel unemployable by the time that would happen. I also feel that at school age, they actually start to need you more, not less.

When DD2 starts school this yr, i'll actually have some time to myself on my days off, and i have continued to earn a salary which gives me more options about stopping work when they're older, rather than feeling desperate about going back to work, probably in a role that doesn't pay nearly as well.

This is probably not helpful but i think i'd rather be around for my kids when they going to need help with homework, after school activities, important exams and problems with their friends so I'm working now when they're younger and don't remember so I can. I do also like that they understand that Mummy's work and have a life outside of being a mummy. I think thats important for children to see.

I don't think that you will have the problems you are imagining. I was a SAHM to my grown up children now in their twenties and teens and only started to consider a career when the youngest was at school. I retrained over a period of 3 years, got a job realtively easily in a field I was new to and stayed there until I felt I wanted a change and retrained again. Halfway through retraining I discovered I was pregnant (unplanned)and had to seriously consider my options not just for career but life in general. I decided to go ahead with the pregnancy but felt that I could kiss the career goodbye as I still had another year to complete of intense training and then have to juggle finding a job and new motherhood in mid life. I did carry on with the plan and am now on the verge of starting a new job shortly in my chosen career. My baby is gorgeous and happy and though it is a struggle we have survived. Don't write yourself off - we older mums have a lot to offer and my experience has suggested that you are not too old to have a career. Good Luck x

I've got three DCs and gave up a jet setting high powered career when DC2 was a year old. I've watched DC1 start school and hope to stay off till DC3 goes to school.

I can't imagine never working again but equally, I can't imagine "throwing away" years of qualifications / experience / enjoyment of work and motivation and starting a new career that would fit round school nor can I imagine going back to the old life of work.

I loved being that working person and now love being Mum, despite the daily grind, I am very glad I'm there to help my DC's through the highs and lows of little life.

I'm expecting that one day the answer will appear in the dust I sweep up off the floor at the end of the day and I'll just know what to do!!

I would say that world of work is changing and there are those out there fighting the cause. The number of women who have flexible working contracts is testament to this. Also, the government want people to work so will support work returners and older workers (age discrimination legistlation etc) - you could probably get some government funding to encourage employers and assist work returners if you fancied that as a career!!

In the meantime, lobby your MP to extend the right to request flexible working to all employees as well as those in employment for more than a year and those with children of a certain age.