going full time and DP becomes SAHD...

[emkay]

Hello

Just posted on Dadsnet, but would be good to get the working mums' view as well...

We're considering a big lifestyle change and I wondered if any of you had experience of this and advice to offer. I currently work part time, DP is full time but not earning very much, we have a nanny two days a week who we love. But money is tight, free time together is even tighter and we all feel like hamsters in a wheel!

On paper the easier option would be for DP to stay at home with kids, no childcare costs, I work full time but teach Saturdays so I could still have one week day at home and I get school holidays. We're thinking that this would give us more family time, more disposable income, more time for the kids (DD is 4 and DS is 1) with at least one parent, more possibility of getting on top of household chores and admin with one of us at home all the time !

Anyone out there gone back to work full time with DP / DH manning the home front? I'm worried about missing the kids and special moments with them - at least I get some of that working only three days a week. DP's worried about me giving him handouts and telling him to 'get himself something nice' . I'm worried he'll be lonely without work mates. But it could all be so worth it!

All thoughts gratefully received!

Get him to set up his own business working around the children, that way he'll earn a bit extra for you all too.

I am always in need of people to join my team - home-based working, as much as you like, when you like, and you can even arrange it so you take the children with you!

Serious money to be made, £20 start up (honestly!) and lots of freebies for the little ones!

Email me if you (or dh!) would like more info!

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Not personally but I know people who have done and it works out really well, but I think your DP needs to want to do it or it may not work. I think a lot more dads are staying at home now so it is less unusual.

Why don't you look at see what he can get involved with with the children during the day time so he won't get lonely, there may even be a Dad's group locally so he can get to meet people in the same situation.

Hope you find a solution that works for you,

ML x

Well this is exactly what we will be doing in 8 weeks time

I'm on maternity leave with DS2 and having worked out the cost of childcare for 1 baby & 1 pre-schooler coupled with the logistics of 2 working parents & 2 young children we realised one of us would be better off at home and as I earn far more working 3.5 days a week than DH does 5 full days, it seemed a bit of a no-brainer for me to be the bread winner.

Initially DH won't be working at all but we/he both think long term success of this arrangement is dependent on DH doing something - just haven't worked out what yet .

My only real concerns about this arrangement (aside from my total fear & horror at the thought of going back to work ) is the lack of social interaction - baby group, play dates & seeing my mummy friends are a big part of our week & I'm not convinced DH will be welcomed in quite the same way plus he's coming from a very blokey environment so even if he is accepted by the mum's, there definitely won't be any blokey banter.

Only time will tell & we've agreed that come what may, we both have to stick it for 6 months & after that we will assess & decide if it's working.
Good luck whatever you decide.
LCN

After maternity leave I went back full-time and DP stayed at home. It was a career break for him, always knew it would just be for one year. Worked well, differently than how I might have done things perhaps, but DP and DS very close, had loads of fun together. And the house didn't fall apart, and they both ate/slept/kept safe for a year.
I certainly missed DS, but so much more time than if we were both at work, rushing to get him out to or home from nursery (I know because that's what we do now).
Your DH doesn't need an extra job, not yet anyway. Do we say that to women who stay at home? Money wise, we worked out a joint account amount of money for bills, shopping etc, and then literally had a few hundred left over which we split down the middle and had in our seperate accounts as day-to-day spending money. So, no "hand outs!" Good luck.

Good to hear iggi & don't we most definitely won't be changing our 'shared finances' approach - whoever is working & earns money fills the account but we both spend it as we see fit

We've done this, though it was forced on us through redundancy. It has been hard but we didn't have a choice. If you're doing it through choice, I think it will be much easier.

DH is now starting a business which he can do around DS as he's not comfy about taking "my" money despite me repeatedly saying it's ours!

I was a little worried that he was only taking DS to two 1/2 hour groups a week but my friend has just said that DH can take DS round to play if he wants. DH was shy about asking.

THe house is generally tidier than when we were both working, even with a toddler, but don't expect too much more than you're managing now.

We've been doing this for 3 years. Again it wasn't exactly a choice as such. I had a permanent, stable full time job. DH's work was all contracts so unstable, and always involved working away from home which neither of us were happy with. We couldn't rely on his income alone - cos we never knew if there would be any - and the intermittent working away thing made childcare arrangements completely impossible if I worked at all.

So DH took a well-earned career break and became a SAHD. We've had our ups and downs - I know he feels sometimes like he's vegetating and he really envies me the stimulation I get at work - social and intellectual. Conversely, I spent at least a year feeling really really guilty and wishing I was the one at home.

We've worked through it all though and it is working for us. Just now DH is fully occupied with DS and is also busy renovating our house (DS goes to nursery 2 days a week to allow this to happen). He has taken some casual work from time to time, but we decided doing the house was more important. The plan is still that he will set up some kind of business, still based from home, once DS goes to school. At least that was the plan until we found out no 2 is on the way! We still have no option to do exactly the same thing this time around.