Any advice greatly received

[nicsnigsnags]

I am on mat leave at the moment from a fulltime job, due back in a month.

I wanted to drop a few hours a week but have been told this can't be accomodated where I'm based at the moment so would mean moving to god knows where, (the employers doesn't even know)

To make matter worse I have just been prescribed antidepressants for anxiety I have been stuggling with for a while now, (having to clean, tidy to the detriment of my 2 DC)

My head is all over the place at the moment and I think my GP might want to sign me off when I go and see her again next week as she knows the nature of my job and it is stressful anyway.

I however was signed off for 12 weeks with SPD before my mat leave started, was trying to come back but they said there was no other role I could do despite me going to Occupational health and trying my best to return, I was also hospitalised during that time with pain that was found out to be a large gallstone, had the birth induced in order to get surgery to remove gallbladder when my DD was 5 weeks.

My issue is I'm really worried about taking more time off straight after mat leave and how it will look and what my manager will think but I don't know what to do if my GP suggest signing me off.

I can't even enjoy being off as I feel I need to get back to get into a routine as this is'nt "real life" at the moment but the thought of going back full time or to somewhere new is frightening, I just don't know what to do, have only been on medication for just under 2 weeks so it's still early days for that to be helping.

Thanks for reading and hope someone can give me advice as I feel I'm about to lose the plot!

hi your not losing the plot!!:-) it normal to feel like this when you are about to return to work, I think your company have to offer you a job if you want less hours say but this may not be the job you were doing before hand it may be something else. You have to write to your company 28days before you are due back, to say what hours etc you would like todo.Then they either write to you or have a meeting. think they have to prove i think that your job can not be done part time for example. The best way to check this info is to ring or go on line and ask acas, should be able to help point you in the write direction or citizen advice. Why not try to see if the less hours you could do at home maybe?
But if you need more time of if doc says so do it it will be worth it in the end for you, you owe it to your self.and your baby.good luck hope this helps. let me know. x

thanks puss, my job can be done part time, my manager just doesn't want another part timer so I would need to move in order to drop hours, just feel under pressure to return full time.

I feel I do need more time but just worried how it will look especially as I had to take time off before, feel a failure to be honest, that's why I took so long admitting I even had a problem with the anxiety but I felt I was missing out on my dc with being so wrapped up in cleaning and organising.

thank you again for responding, nice to get another opinion

I am naturally confident person/critics would say overconfident but even I am nervous about going back to work after a year's ML leave. My work don't want to give me reduced hours at all and I am not looking forward to going back for five full days.

I am also a big tidier and organiser, so much so that sometimes I have to make myself stop and spend the time with my DD instead and then have a blitz after she has gone to bed and at the weekend as if I tidy while she is awake then she just goes round behind me undoing all my good work anyway!!

That all being said, I bet the thought is worse than the reality for us and tonight when my DD was refusing to eat any of her lovingly prepared homecooked meal I thought: "Perhaps work won't be so bad after all!"

Try not to worry to much and take each day as it comes, now and when you go back and maybe that could help? I know that DH will have to step up more when I go back, although he doesn't know that but I will have to relax about things and not get stressed when the house is a mess.
But you are definitely not alone. xx

OK, there are 2 separate issues here.
I'll try and tackle each one separately -

Sick leave - if your GP does sign you off, your manager/employer may not like it, but there is little they can do about it (in fact, it usually contravenes employers' insurance policies to have people back at work who have been signed off).

I would, however, suggest that you get in touch with HR to give as much explanation as you feel comfortable with about your situation. You should also have a conversation with them about how your return to work can be facilitated - what support can they offer you / what suggestions would you like to make.
It could be that returning to work on a phased/reduced hours basis is what is medically recommended - but this should not be construed as an automatic right to continue with PT hours in the long term...

Flexible working - unfortunately, although you have the right to request flex working (reduced hours), your employer has an obligation to consider your request, but not necessarily to agree to it if it does not meet business needs. From the sounds of it, they have so far acknowledged your informal request (I take it you haven't made a formal application?) but have indicated that your previous role couldn't accommodate the changes, but they have a counter proposal. Once you submit your formal application, they will also have to respond formally. Then you'll have more information about what you can/can't do & plan accordingly.

Both of these topics (being signed off with stress & making flex working applications) have been discussed in the employment thread in the past couple of days, so have a search on my name, then come back and post some follow up questions...

thanks reddaisy and evilhr for your response

I have already looked at those threads, unfortunately the HR person I need to deal with is dire, it took me 4 months to even get her to forward a maternity leave form and she just doesn't respond or to either emails or phone calls as I had to try and contact her before on another issue.

I know I can go back on the slightly reduced hours I want it just means I would be placed somewhere different and it would be like starting a new job again with completely new staff, manager, way of working etc so I'm just panicing due no doubt to my underlying anxiety.

As for being signed off with stress, in regards to the other thread talking about it, I'm not in the position of having been warned or disciplined. I am concerned however as I had to go off before my mat leave due to not being fit to do the job and they did not having anything else to offer me that should my gp want to sign me off it would look so bad and righly or wrongly I'm concerned about what people think of me

Nics - appreciate your situation is different in that you are not going through any kind of disciplinary situation. however, the points about communication/being proactive about the help you want from them & what you are willing to do/giving them information are still relevant here, I believe.

Flowery has made some v good points in those other discussions about the perceptions that LMs have about stress, and you are worried about people's opinions of you. Unfortunately, if people don't know the details of a situation, they WILL fill in the blanks for themselves...so if you can share any details of what you are thinking/feeling etc, it will help build their understanding of what you are trying to deal with, and hopefully help manage their perceptions of you.

How the sitiation looks depends on what context your manager etc are receiving the news that you have been signed off...tell them nothing else, and they could well conclude you are just after an extended period of leave. Tell them what you have told us, and they will have to adjust their thinking. If nothing else, it would be 'on the record' that you have a particular set of circumstances, which may prove helpful in the future.

Sorry to be be blunt, but the reality of situations like this is that you can't expect people to be mind readers, and if you want them to understand your circumstances and show some empathy, then you really have to share some information with them.

if your designated HR person can't/won't help, then try and find another one in the department who can help - even if it's their manager.

Let us know how you get on

Thank you for your response again, you are right of course, I just feel ashamed that the anxiety has got a grip of me like this.

I have already set a meeting up for the 5th to talk about hours but I am also back at GP next week so will have an idea how she thinks I'm progressing.

I have major anxiety if I can't get all my housework done in a certain order or if I need to leave something and attend to one of my DC, I know it's ridiculous and people say oh just leave it, it'll get done but leaving it makes my anxiety worse.

I feel I'm missing out on so much as I'm so wrapped up in having to get stuff done, that's what made me go to GP.

I know it is easy to say, but you shouldn't feel ashamed at feeling anxious, whatever the cause of it - it's good that you're getting support from your GP, in many ways, you've got over the hardest step by telling them that you need some help.

Just try to think that most people want to help and be sympathetic when someone is having a tough time (there but for the grace of God and all that).

IME, the more you can share up front about your problems, the more likely it is you find a solution in the long term.
You don't have to go into the nitty gritty with every single person you talk to, but one or two strategic allies can make life so much easier.

Good luck, and come back after your meeting if you need to ask any other questions or check anything.

Having little ones puts so much of life in the "out of control" mode, it's common for Mums to try to control those things that they can. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy could really help your anxiety. Talk to your GP, they might be able to recommend someone.

If the HR person isn't calling you back etc, I would definitely contact their manager. Be perfectly polite but just act puzzled and say you have phoned X days in a row, not heard back, and are assuming they're on leave so can the manager help you?

I would probably consider the move elsewhere as in a way going back after mat leave will feel like starting again. So it probably won't compare that unfavourably to your previous place IYSWIM. But as said above I would put an official flexible working request in first, and get an official reply back before you do anything on the basis of informal say-so or assumptions.