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thinking about giving up my job - any points of view please?

3 replies

husbanddoestheironing · 13/01/2010 16:06

2 yrs ago my DH and I moved 200 miles for him to get a better job. I happily gave up my job (which I sometimes enjoyed) because he was so unhappy and I wanted to spend more time at home with my DS (then 2). The move was difficult and stressful due to legal complications which I had to deal with as DH was already here. Found the first few weeks awful, 2 days with no furniture, we moved to a new estate and had no neighbours for months, DH was always at work, it rained continually, DS was confused and missed his nursery friends. Tried a toddler group but after 2 weeks of seeing him rebuffed in his efforts to engage with the other children I accepted a temporary work contract so that I could pay for him to go to nursery 2 days a week, which he loved. I hated the job and leapt at the chance to take something related but different, which I did for 4 months before going on maternity leave with my 2nd DS (very unexpected but very wanted). In October I reluctantly returned when baby was 8 months old and both boys now at nursery fairly happily though long day and eldest does frequently ask to come home earlier. Really struggling with work, overloaded, emotionally draining and 2 nights a week I don't get to see youngest as he is asleep when I get in. Basically have had enough. 5 yrs ago or in 5 years this would have been a great job for me, but I don't want to miss so much of my boys' lives. However I am worried about loosing independence and I work in a specialised field so it may be difficult to return to work later, also I'm worried that my judgement may be a bit clouded by a bit of depression at the moment. September will be even more difficult when eldest starts school. Don't know what to do....

OP posts:
butadream · 13/01/2010 17:30

I assume you don't have to work and that DH is happy in his new job so my thinking would be:

If your original reason for going back to work was to give your DS a chance to enjoy the company of other children, you've done that now and it will continue when he's at school so well done in settling him into your new neighbourhood

The toddler life will be different for your DS2 than for DS1 because he has DS1 to play with and the toddler groups will not be strange to him as he has never moved house.

So, your DC do not need you to work any more.

The question is do you need to work for your own reasons, and if so, do you need to work now or do you just need to be able to go back later, and do you need to work in the same area or would you be happy doing something different?

From your OP it sounds like you are not terribly keen on your job and you do not need to work now.

I therefore think that the only reason to keep working now is if you want to stay in the same specialised field and if it would be difficult to get back into that area after a career break.

Does this help?

husbanddoestheironing · 16/01/2010 11:14

Thanks, yes, I hadn't really looked at it like that - I thought I was just no good at staying at home. I think it might be that I feel I'm missing seeing my baby too much in this really interesting bit where he's investigating the world, so I'm going to see if I can drop to 2 days a week temporarily while I think about it and see how it goes. A lot probably depends on whether I can find good out of school care for DS1 (and I can't sort that out until I know which school he's going to) Financially it would be extremely hard if I gave up so it would be best to do carry on for a bit while I'm not sure. Thanks again.

OP posts:
violethill · 16/01/2010 11:27

Dropping down to fewer days sounds a really good plan, and if you can do it temporarily, so that you still have the right to return to your previous working rights and conditions, all the better.

If it would be extremely hard financially to give up altogether, I wouldn't do it personally. Taking a drop in income but still being able to manage is one thing. Scraping to get by every month and dreading an unexpected bill, and never being able to afford treats is another - it quickly becomes an exhausting grind.

I think the fact that you're in a specialist field is also relevant. You could regret losing that completely, so part time sounds ideal.

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