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Original poster

Grandma or nursery

23 replies

Ladygooga · 11/01/2010 21:25

I am starting work next month after being a sahm for 7yrs. dd1 is at school fulltime and dd2 goes to school nursery in the afternoon so obviously need childcare for her in the mornings.

I have found a lovely local private nursery and dd2 has been going 1 morning a week for a couple of months now and loves it. Now the time is here for me to start work my mom really, really wants to have dd2 for me in the mornings.

Now I really appreciate this offer as it will save us a lot of money as a family and means we'll get more time off/holidays as a family. But then the other half of me feels incredibly guilty and I don't want my mom to feel pressurised to do this for me.

I have been thinking about maybe letting mum have her 4 days a week but sending to her private nursery for 1 day so she is getting other interaction and gives mom a day off too. Would I be taking advantage of her?

This would be a temporay arrangement til dd2 starts reception in Sept.

Sorry for waffling!

OP posts:

ssd · 11/01/2010 21:27

sounds great, you're lucky, but I think you know this and are certainly not taking advantage of your mum

good luck!

BelleDameSansMerci · 11/01/2010 21:31

I'm with ssd - you lucky thing!

onepieceoflollipop · 11/01/2010 21:33

If you genuinely get on well with your mother, and there is unlikely to be much tension/disagreements about her differing approaches to you, then this sounds like a fab solution imo.

onadietcokebreak · 11/01/2010 21:35

Also you need to consider what you will do if your mum is ill or wants to/needs to go away when you arent on leave from work.

midnightexpress · 11/01/2010 21:36

If your mum really wants to do it then definitely let her, you lucky thing . If your dd is at nursery in the afternoons, she's getting plenty of interaction from that, IMO. In fact, I think that the option of someone she knows really well for half of the time is way better.

thisisyesterday · 11/01/2010 21:38

if it were me i'd def go for grandma!!!
i know that any of my kids would far rather be with grandma than at nursery.

the only thing I think i would stop for a moment to consider is, will grandma cope with having her every morning?

Original poster

Ladygooga · 11/01/2010 21:39

Yes get on very well with my mom, perhaps too well sometimes iykwim she rings me to tell me the most everyday, trivial things.

Both dd's love my mom and dad and we all get on very well. I think I just need to get it into my head that it is only a temporary thing til sept.

OP posts:

lisad123wantsherquoteinDM · 11/01/2010 21:39

Id go with grandma, time for social life when she goes to school, you lucky thing

PurpleEglu · 11/01/2010 21:46

It's only until Sept so I would go with your Mum if you are happy with that.

CitizenPrecious · 11/01/2010 21:52

definitely Nanna, I'd say

mazzystartled · 11/01/2010 21:57

If you're mum is up to it, and esp as it is only till September I would say it is a wonderful chance for your mum and your dd to have a really special, lovely time together.

If you are worried about your mum, suggest a 3 month trial and see how they are getting on.

Good luck with the job!

cat64 · 11/01/2010 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

piscesmoon · 11/01/2010 22:04

No question in my mind-go with Grandma. Ideal for both and it is only for a set time.

skidoodle · 11/01/2010 22:05

I don't know that I could accept my mother tying herself up like this for such a long time to look after my child, so I understand your reluctance.

It does sound like she's really keen. Maybe have a sit down with her and point out how if she is your only childcare that you will be totally reliant on her being available ALL the days you will be at work.

Original poster

Ladygooga · 11/01/2010 22:16

Either dh or I would collect her in our lunch hour to take to school nursery and then I'll be finishing at 2.30pm to collect them both from school.

Think I'll have a chat with her tomorrow and suggest a 3 month trial as suggested. She is very keen to look after dd2 and I think she feels a little put out that I didn't ask her in the first place.

Thank you for all your help

OP posts:

cat64 · 11/01/2010 22:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

WidowWadman · 12/01/2010 06:53

I'd prefer nursery over any grandma. We didn't have a choice, as there's no grandma nearby, but even if we had that option we'd go for nursery, as it's much more fun and stimulation for the child, than just being alone with granny, who has to run her household, too etc.

piscesmoon · 12/01/2010 09:25

If Grandma is keen to have her, and it is just for the mornings she is hardly going to wasting her time with household things that she can do anytime! It is a wonderful opportunity for them to develop a relationship without you.
She will have every afternoon in the school nursery and so she won't lack other DCs and stimulation! (I don't see why a Grandma on a 1-1 wouldn't be stimulating-unless she is very elderly). I would have thought that 2 different nursery settings with 2 different sets of DCs, routines and expectations would be exhausting. Adoring Grandma and nursery in the afternoon seems the best of both worlds-and saves money!

ironlikealion · 12/01/2010 10:02

A bit of regular nursery / after school club thing might still be a good idea so you have the flexibility to book DC in for extra sessions when your mother is on holiday or ill or just a bit tired or would rather have friends round.

Original poster

Ladygooga · 12/01/2010 10:10

I do have the flexibility to pick her up in my lunch hour as does dh, so he will be sharing this with me.

My mom is still quite young really and does a lot with both dd's anyway. I think sending her to private nursery one day a week to give my mom a break will work best and will keep dd2 prepared for when mom and dad are on holiday and she'll need to go in.

She'll have plenty to do at my mom's, as mom doesn't have too much housework now we've all left home and she's very much on top of it anyway. They'll walk the dog, be baking cakes and generally just having some fun I think.

It will also mean that we can save to go to Florida with my mom & dad next year, which my dad has been pestering us about for ages and we would not be able to afford it if we had to pay childcare costs.

Popping round mom's later so we can discuss everything properly

OP posts:

Makingchanges · 12/01/2010 10:42

My DD goes to my MIL's one day a week around nursery and loves it. She goes out, goes to the park, goes and visits different places and MIL has more patience and time to do things than when I have her and i'm juggling things.

Just make sure that you have comon rules though. MIL has different ways of disciplining and has caused problems in the past.

piscesmoon · 12/01/2010 10:47

It sounds the best compromise to me Ladygooga-then if your mother was to get 'flu or something your DD would be familiar with the nursery.
It just makes me smile when people immediately think that a Grandma is doddery and so stuck into routine that she has to do it regardless of having a grandchild around! Many Grandmas could probably beat a lot of mothers to a race and are likely to be off skiing etc!! Your mother maybe hasn't appreciated that it will be very tying and she might like a day off to go out for the day, meet friends, go to the gym etc.

ellokitty · 12/01/2010 13:22

I do exactly the same as your proposal, Ladygooga and for us it works great. I generally work mornings, so my DD spends 2 mornings with my mother and three mornings at a childminder / preschool.

The benefits of going to my mum is the relationship. She has developed an amazing relationship with my DDs, because she is a part of their lives. She takes DD to preschool, knows her friends, gets told what fun DD1 has had at school, or whether she has been upset. The relationship she has developed with my mother is quite unlike the relationship with any of her other grandparents, because my mother just knows my DDs on a totally different level. Also, my mum does all the old fashioned things with them - baking, gardening etc. However, my mum doesn't like doing all the parenty things - such as toddler groups etc, so I would be wary if my mum had her all the time - I think she would miss out on the interaction and stimulation with other children.

But, she gets that with her childminder (who co-childminds with another to almost be a mini nursery). There, she gets to do all the arts and crafts, creative stuff and have those experiences that she would never have with my mum. She also gets to make friends, learn to play with other children, and of course at the childminder's she is learning that she can't get away with murder there too! She is learning turn taking, losing, waiting her tur and all those things when she is not the only child around!

My DD1 had a similar set up, and I have been very pleased with it. Both children have been very happy with both their childcare settings, happy to go to either place and have forged strong relationships with both the childminder and their Granny. For us, it has been a win win situation.
HTH

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