Mumsnet Logo
My feed

to access all these features


Returned to work - does it get any easier?

44 replies

oliveoil · 09/06/2003 11:47

I returned to work 7 weeks ago when my dd was around 5.5mths. First week was horrendous, bit better since, have good days and bad days. I do 4 days, and get home for tea etc which I know is more than some but I feel I am missing out big time on everything. I work in an office so I its not as if I will be giving up a huge career or anything. We could just about manage on my dh wage but would then be counting pennies and I reckon life would be a drudge and no fun. Can't make a decision and just see a stretch of crammed in weekends and sad Mondays ahead

OP posts:

Batters · 09/06/2003 11:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SamboM · 09/06/2003 11:53

Poor you oliveoil. I know how you feel, I work 5 days a week and have since my dd was 5 months (she' 9 months now). I do feel like I'm missing out, but I do enjoy my job too.

I find it hardest on Mondays when I've spent all weekend with her, really miss her then. I console myself with the fact that if I was with her all the time I might get bored and fed up!


outofpractice · 09/06/2003 12:01

oliveoil, Why are you so dismissive about your job? Do you really not get any satisfaction out of work? Why don't you feel proud of what you do? Have you got a longterm view, ie is there a fulfilling job that you might move on to in a few years' time, with more experience and more rewards? If you are only working "for pin money", then, do you really need it? I felt more ambitious after I was earning for a family, and not just myself. I can certainly say that good money makes it much easier to be a working mother, because you can get the best childcare which gives you peace of mind, go for lovely weekend outings and holidays with your child, and can splurge on taxis to get home quickly on bad days, drycleaning and ironing by someone else, expensive grocery deliveries, pre-chopped pre-washed veg, etc, and good babysitters for refreshing nights out. What would you like your life to be like in 10 years' time?


oliveoil · 09/06/2003 12:04

Well, thats the dilemma isn't it??!! When I was off work I sometimes got bored with the daily routine but my job isn't the most exciting one in the world and when I have nothing to do, I think 'god, I could be at home' Pre dd I would have thought 'great, getting paid to do nothing'. She is loads more responsive now and I think that when she crawls/walks/talks etc it is going to be even harder to work than it is now..

Anyone know the Lottery numbers for Wednesday?

OP posts:

outofpractice · 09/06/2003 12:12

Have you thought about discussing your options with a recruitment firm in your field? If you have free time during the day, you can probably find out quite a lot on the internet. If you are hard-working and ambitious, there are loads of interesting jobs, but you may have to take a risk, ie by leaving your familiar old job and going into a new unknown one. Do you think that you would take a full-time job if it was really interesting, paid more, and you knew that you could leave at 5 pm sharp?


LucieB · 09/06/2003 12:26

Know exactly how you feel. I wanted to return to work part-time (3 or 4 days a week) but my caring/sharing employer said no. Have been back at work now for 3 months and have good days/bad days. We are in the same situation as you financially. Part-time would have been perfect - full time is exhausting. We have various ideas too but might mean a time without me bringing in any cash. Sorry - not much help but wanted to know I am there too!!!


oliveoil · 09/06/2003 12:29

outofpractice - I used to have a full time, interesting but v stressful job but gave that up to go traveling. Came back pregnant and temped until I had my dd so when I was on 'maternity leave' I didn't get any money (thanks Tony) so I know what it is like to live on one wage - can pay the bills but no goodies. I don't think I would be happy working in any job to be honest, in my heart of hearts I want to be a SAHM, but moneywise, unless we penny pinch, I can't. I want another baby in a couple of years time so I tell myself I will give up work then....but then we will need more money!

OP posts:

elliott · 09/06/2003 13:13

follow your heart - your children are only young once...


outofpractice · 09/06/2003 13:17

oliveoil, It is weird, but I find my v stressful job much less stressful after motherhood, and enjoy it more. I used to worry about work on the way home, at home, and in the middle of the night. Now, I just switch off when I leave the office, because I have got so many domestic (and more important) things to think about. I have also been quite bold at refusing expectations that I am going to work all weekend or all night. When someone tries to tell me they need it first thing in the morning, or first thing on Monday, I just say that I don't have any childcare outside business hours and will do it as soon as possible the next day, or the next week. Perhaps that is harder for women with partners, though, because you do have some sort of alternative childcare at nights and weekends (ie him).


badjelly · 09/06/2003 13:38

I'm there too! I've been back at work since the 1st April and miss dd (6 months) sooooo much. I only do 3 days a week now but can't cut it down any more as I'm the only one in the department! I think I'm feeling it worse at today because there's nothing to do. I have an office all to myself out of the way so most people don't even know where I am and dd was poorly all weekend What makes it worse is that I work Mon, Tues, Fri so Fri is like a Mon!
In my non feeling sorry for myself moments I know I'm doing the right thing because if I was at home all the time I'd go mad but then on the other hand I know that we could survive (just) on dh's wages, mine just pays for 'treats' (but what would life be like without treats?)

Sorry this is waffley but I feel better for it!!


oliveoil · 09/06/2003 15:04

badjelly - my day is the same - nothing to do but look at my dd pic on my computer. I have only been in this job for about 8 weeks and I do 4 days, doubt they will let me go down to 3, my ideal if not for winning said Lottery. I know I shouldn't feel sorry for myself either as I work less than some mums but don't care, I am fed up!

OP posts:

badjelly · 09/06/2003 16:19

doesn't it annoy you soooo much if your walking between departments and people just can't help saying 'cheer up it might never happen', dont'cha just wanna fill their face? I just think about all the nice things we can do with the money!


badjelly · 09/06/2003 16:30

wayhey hometime


susanb · 09/06/2003 20:54

You're not the only one! I am lucky in some aspects. I didn't return to work until ds was just 3 and I do part time flexi hours which fit in around dp's shift patterns. However, I have bad days where I sit at work and think 'I really don't want to be here'. Like the rest of you, my money is for all those extras and we could only just manage without it if we lived frugally.

Ironically, dp used to do 2 jobs and completely provide for us, but I just felt the urge to do something myself. In some ways, I'm glad I have but have to say I'm not half as fufilled as I thought I'd be. I've now just been accepted to do degree from September BUT there is major stuff to think about, ie money and childcare! Isn't life difficult??!


oliveoil · 10/06/2003 09:19

Decided to try and be a bit more possitive today - deffo had the Monday blues yesterday - my dd is in good hands with granny, I do like earning my own money, wine makes the world go round and would be rationed otherwise, etc etc.....fingers crossed.

Nice to know I am not the only one though, think I could become addicted to this site...

OP posts:

badjelly · 10/06/2003 09:27

I feel better today aswell - dd is with dh all day and he's on about taking her swimming and to see the ducks etc so it looks like I'd just be in the way (for a change!).
It doesn't help that its dd's christening on Sunday (rehersal tonight) and I'm starting to get myself worked up about it - 45 adults, 13 kids, (big family) we're having the party in my mums garden and we're doing all the catering ourselves, HELP!!!!


oliveoil · 10/06/2003 15:36

Felt loads better today, mind over matter etc. My dh took dd to the hv for weighing (21lb 5oz!!) and a felt sad cos I didn't take her but ok apart from that. Weird how I think I should do these things and not hubby, she's his sprog as well!

OP posts:

oliveoil · 10/06/2003 15:39

also, badjelly, don't worry about christening, dd was 'done' last week and she didn't squawk once. My MIL did food at her house for around 25 so she was passed around like a parcel for the afternoon and was an angel (not that night however but that's another moan)

OP posts:

HappyWorkingMum · 10/06/2003 15:57

As you can guess from my nickname, I'm a working mum and have two young children, dd 3.5 yrs and ds 20mths. I returned to work fulltime when each child was 4mths. My dh worked part-time until my ds was 1yr and then chose to be self-employed and work from home. In a way I have seen both sides of the situation (working and some money v not working and no money). It is hard to be at work full time and there are times when I think I've missed out on things (especially when I go on playgroup trips and don't know anyone). However I know that I need the stimulation of working and I do really like what I do.

The last 6 months have been very difficult as we only have the one income (dh's business is only just starting to make money). It does mean that we can't have the treats and extras I'd like but it was the right decision for us. I could only work full time knowing that everyone in the family is happy.

If you decide to keep working then it does get easier. I found the first few weeks very strange as I didn't have a lot to do. They were used to me not being at work and it took a while for me to find things to do. Once I got busy I found it much easier to enjoy working and not to miss the children so much. 3 years on I tend to ring home most days to find out what they're doing and I look forward to the conversations with dd about her day.

I agree with Batters that it is important to have time on your own with dd. I have always got home in time to put them to bed and read stories. Most of the time I'm home before they finish dinner so can help with baths as well.

Good luck oliveoil and badjelly, I hope it works out for you.


badjelly · 10/06/2003 16:37

Thanks happyworkingmum and oliveoil! I know in my head that it'll all be o.k in the end it just doesn't help when you can hear a baby the other end of the corridor babbling and giggling away just like dd! oh well at least i've got tomorrow and thursday off


jac34 · 10/06/2003 16:46

My DS twins are 4yo and I returned to work full time when they were 9 months old.
I have excellent childcare, but as it was so expensive for two, and I couldn't manage all the housework as well, I droped to 3 days about 6 months later.
P/T is really ideal, best of both worlds, DH also droped to 4 days when the boys were 2yo, saved us another days childcare, and he loves it too.
I absolutely love my job, but in an ideal world and if we could afford it, would love to be a SAHM, and have another.
Thats what I'd do if I won the lottery !!!


Chelle · 11/06/2003 02:06

Hey oliveoil, it does get easier. I had to return to work when ds (now 4 years old) as only just 3 months old (financial reasons, dh was out of full time employment and trying to start his own business). I think I cried every day for a year after I had dropped him at the carer's. It did get easier and we got into a good routine so that things moved pretty smoothly (but very hecticly) during the week and weekends were pure family quality time. After dd was born (now 13 months old) I returned to work part time when she was 6 months old. The old guilt returned but didn't last nearly as long this time and by the time dd was 9 months old I could drop them both at Daycare three days a week without a single guilty pand knowing that I am doing the best thing for everyone! They love the social interaction, I love my job and the family needs the money!

Cheer up, it really does get better with time!


oliveoil · 11/06/2003 09:12

Lottery day today.......

OP posts:

badjelly · 13/06/2003 10:42

Any luck?


oliveoil · 17/06/2003 09:44

No luck on Lottery, boo hoo. Just had 4 days off with dd and realised how much I miss being with her, going to ask for a 3 day week today, fingers crossed.

OP posts:
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Sign up to continue reading

Mumsnet's better when you're logged in. You can customise your experience and access way more features like messaging, watch and hide threads, voting and much more.

Already signed up?