Returned to work - does it get any easier?

Poor you oliveoil. I know how you feel, I work 5 days a week and have since my dd was 5 months (she' 9 months now). I do feel like I'm missing out, but I do enjoy my job too.

I find it hardest on Mondays when I've spent all weekend with her, really miss her then. I console myself with the fact that if I was with her all the time I might get bored and fed up!

oliveoil, Why are you so dismissive about your job? Do you really not get any satisfaction out of work? Why don't you feel proud of what you do? Have you got a longterm view, ie is there a fulfilling job that you might move on to in a few years' time, with more experience and more rewards? If you are only working "for pin money", then, do you really need it? I felt more ambitious after I was earning for a family, and not just myself. I can certainly say that good money makes it much easier to be a working mother, because you can get the best childcare which gives you peace of mind, go for lovely weekend outings and holidays with your child, and can splurge on taxis to get home quickly on bad days, drycleaning and ironing by someone else, expensive grocery deliveries, pre-chopped pre-washed veg, etc, and good babysitters for refreshing nights out. What would you like your life to be like in 10 years' time?

Have you thought about discussing your options with a recruitment firm in your field? If you have free time during the day, you can probably find out quite a lot on the internet. If you are hard-working and ambitious, there are loads of interesting jobs, but you may have to take a risk, ie by leaving your familiar old job and going into a new unknown one. Do you think that you would take a full-time job if it was really interesting, paid more, and you knew that you could leave at 5 pm sharp?

Oliveoil
Know exactly how you feel. I wanted to return to work part-time (3 or 4 days a week) but my caring/sharing employer said no. Have been back at work now for 3 months and have good days/bad days. We are in the same situation as you financially. Part-time would have been perfect - full time is exhausting. We have various ideas too but might mean a time without me bringing in any cash. Sorry - not much help but wanted to know I am there too!!!

follow your heart - your children are only young once...

oliveoil, It is weird, but I find my v stressful job much less stressful after motherhood, and enjoy it more. I used to worry about work on the way home, at home, and in the middle of the night. Now, I just switch off when I leave the office, because I have got so many domestic (and more important) things to think about. I have also been quite bold at refusing expectations that I am going to work all weekend or all night. When someone tries to tell me they need it first thing in the morning, or first thing on Monday, I just say that I don't have any childcare outside business hours and will do it as soon as possible the next day, or the next week. Perhaps that is harder for women with partners, though, because you do have some sort of alternative childcare at nights and weekends (ie him).

I'm there too! I've been back at work since the 1st April and miss dd (6 months) sooooo much. I only do 3 days a week now but can't cut it down any more as I'm the only one in the department! I think I'm feeling it worse at today because there's nothing to do. I have an office all to myself out of the way so most people don't even know where I am and dd was poorly all weekend What makes it worse is that I work Mon, Tues, Fri so Fri is like a Mon!
In my non feeling sorry for myself moments I know I'm doing the right thing because if I was at home all the time I'd go mad but then on the other hand I know that we could survive (just) on dh's wages, mine just pays for 'treats' (but what would life be like without treats?)

Sorry this is waffley but I feel better for it!!

doesn't it annoy you soooo much if your walking between departments and people just can't help saying 'cheer up it might never happen', dont'cha just wanna fill their face? I just think about all the nice things we can do with the money!

wayhey hometime

You're not the only one! I am lucky in some aspects. I didn't return to work until ds was just 3 and I do part time flexi hours which fit in around dp's shift patterns. However, I have bad days where I sit at work and think 'I really don't want to be here'. Like the rest of you, my money is for all those extras and we could only just manage without it if we lived frugally.

Ironically, dp used to do 2 jobs and completely provide for us, but I just felt the urge to do something myself. In some ways, I'm glad I have but have to say I'm not half as fufilled as I thought I'd be. I've now just been accepted to do degree from September BUT there is major stuff to think about, ie money and childcare! Isn't life difficult??!

I feel better today aswell - dd is with dh all day and he's on about taking her swimming and to see the ducks etc so it looks like I'd just be in the way (for a change!).
It doesn't help that its dd's christening on Sunday (rehersal tonight) and I'm starting to get myself worked up about it - 45 adults, 13 kids, (big family) we're having the party in my mums garden and we're doing all the catering ourselves, HELP!!!!

As you can guess from my nickname, I'm a working mum and have two young children, dd 3.5 yrs and ds 20mths. I returned to work fulltime when each child was 4mths. My dh worked part-time until my ds was 1yr and then chose to be self-employed and work from home. In a way I have seen both sides of the situation (working and some money v not working and no money). It is hard to be at work full time and there are times when I think I've missed out on things (especially when I go on playgroup trips and don't know anyone). However I know that I need the stimulation of working and I do really like what I do.

The last 6 months have been very difficult as we only have the one income (dh's business is only just starting to make money). It does mean that we can't have the treats and extras I'd like but it was the right decision for us. I could only work full time knowing that everyone in the family is happy.

If you decide to keep working then it does get easier. I found the first few weeks very strange as I didn't have a lot to do. They were used to me not being at work and it took a while for me to find things to do. Once I got busy I found it much easier to enjoy working and not to miss the children so much. 3 years on I tend to ring home most days to find out what they're doing and I look forward to the conversations with dd about her day.

I agree with Batters that it is important to have time on your own with dd. I have always got home in time to put them to bed and read stories. Most of the time I'm home before they finish dinner so can help with baths as well.

Good luck oliveoil and badjelly, I hope it works out for you.

Thanks happyworkingmum and oliveoil! I know in my head that it'll all be o.k in the end it just doesn't help when you can hear a baby the other end of the corridor babbling and giggling away just like dd! oh well at least i've got tomorrow and thursday off

My DS twins are 4yo and I returned to work full time when they were 9 months old.
I have excellent childcare, but as it was so expensive for two, and I couldn't manage all the housework as well, I droped to 3 days about 6 months later.
P/T is really ideal, best of both worlds, DH also droped to 4 days when the boys were 2yo, saved us another days childcare, and he loves it too.
I absolutely love my job, but in an ideal world and if we could afford it, would love to be a SAHM, and have another.
Thats what I'd do if I won the lottery !!!

Hey oliveoil, it does get easier. I had to return to work when ds (now 4 years old) as only just 3 months old (financial reasons, dh was out of full time employment and trying to start his own business). I think I cried every day for a year after I had dropped him at the carer's. It did get easier and we got into a good routine so that things moved pretty smoothly (but very hecticly) during the week and weekends were pure family quality time. After dd was born (now 13 months old) I returned to work part time when she was 6 months old. The old guilt returned but didn't last nearly as long this time and by the time dd was 9 months old I could drop them both at Daycare three days a week without a single guilty pand knowing that I am doing the best thing for everyone! They love the social interaction, I love my job and the family needs the money!

Cheer up, it really does get better with time!

Any luck?