I'm expecting my first child next year. My mum is very excited and already talking about how she will look after the baby when I go back to work.
The thing is, I don't actually want her to but don't know if I am being unrealistic/ungrateful. I'd sooner pay for a childminder or nursery.
My mum is lovely and adores kids, but I do sometimes feel that the way she relates to my nephew is a little unhealthy. It feels as though she uses him to fill a void in her own life and doesn't always do what is best for him, e.g he is supposed to go to nursery for a few hours each day but 2 days a week she doesn't let him go as 'she wants him all to herself' (her words) My sister has also told me she has heard her say to him 'if you do that then nanny won't love you' and when she pulled her up on it she didn't appreciate how damaging this could be to a child. I also feel she is far too involved in my nephew's life, more like a replacement mum than a grandmother and I wouldn't want her being like that with my child.
I grew up feeling responsible for my mum's happiness and I really don't want my child to feel like that. I am also aware that as this is my first child and I don't have a partner I may need or want more help when the time comes than I feel I need now.
I just really want some advice on whether I should do what I want and pay for childcare, risking upsetting and alienating my mum, or take the help and risk feeling that she's taking over.