Help -24 hours to decide

[Confusedfirsttimemum]

I work in the City and have been trying to decide for my entire maternity leave with DD (PFB) whether to go back to work or not.

Tomorrow is three months until my leave is up and I have a meeting with my boss. They've agreed my part time working request for four days a week (after giving the impression that they were going to turn it down).

The thing is, I just can't decide whether to go back or not. One part of me is saying that my job is well paid and reasonably interesting. The money would make a big difference (could move to somewhere 3 bed instead of staying in our 2 bed long term, which would be a lot easier when it comes to having no. 2!), I would have adult interaction, I would keep my skills current and I would be doing something that was about me as an adult, not just about me as a mum. Realistically, if I leave, it's not the sort of area I can get back into in 5 years' time. I would need to make a career change.

On the other hand, I got really frustrated before I went off with the hours and the pressure. I also feel sick at the thought of leaving DD with someone else.

So help. Did anyone really struggle with the decision and what did they decide to do? Go back or stay home?

(For various reasons, getting another job isn't an option at the moment. All jobs in my field are likely to be similarly stressful, and I wouldn't get PT as a new empoyee. So I'd be looking at being a SAHM probably until we've had no. 2 and then retraining).

Arrgggh. Help!

Oh God. Is it just me? Did everyone else find the decision straightforward?

(I'm not knocking those who had to go back for financial reasons BTW. It will be tight money-wise if I don't, but I do realise that I'm lucky in that respect to have the choice).

OK. In your position I would go back to work. See how the 4-day week works out.

If it it too difficult/stressful or you just miss being at home with your dc you can always resign later. But if you don't try it out you will never know and may resent things in later years.

BTW I did go back and following redundancy am spending more time with the DC and planning on retraining. DS is now 8 and DD is 5, actually if anything they need me more now, to help with homework, reading, costumes for Roman Day etc etc

My experience is that ALL first time mums feels bad about leaving their Dcs for the first time but hinestly it isn't as bad as you think it will be. As long as you feel confident that you have good childcare in place your DC will quickly settle in. you will probably find the first few weeks difficult as it is a bit of a wrench but you will soon be in the swing of things.

The key is getting childcare that suits you. Have you looked into all the different options? If you work long hours a childminder or nanny/ nanny share might suit you better as they can usually be more flexible.

My experience has been that it is easier to work while your DCs are below school age as they can be in full time care. Once they start school there are lot of other pressures and you might want to think about reducing your hours, retraining or becoming a SAHM at that point, when you have had a few years to build up some savings.

Congratulations and enjoy your lovely DD!

Go back and see - then you'll know for certain. As YorkshireRose comments, my experience also is that working with pre-schoolers is much easier than with school age kids; so much so, I worked 4 days a week until my DD went to school at which point I resigned! My DS goes to school next year at which point I'll think about part-time/freelancing, but i felt it important to be around for the first school days (especially as we moved house at the same time).

I felt awful about going back to work full time and fretted a lot - then I actually took on a full time job which involved even a longer commute, but it's brilliant. The daughter is well settled in the nursery and loves going there and I'm happier than i could ever be as a housewife.

Like everyone else I would say give it a go.

I went back 4 days a week but made a pact with myself that I would review the situation after 6 months to see if it still felt like the right one.

It will be diffficult at first to be away from your DD and reacquaint yourself with the office, I remember noticing the trivial time wasting office politicking a lot more than pre DS. There will be a few wobbly moments when you have to walk out on work to get back to your Childcare of choice on time.

That's why giving it a decent length of time to settle back in means you can appraise it as a whole and make an informed decision.