Anyone else find it disheartening trying to work when you have kids?

[chicaguapa]

I was a sahm for 6 years and have been back at work part-time for 2. Most of the time it goes okay but every now and then, usually when one of the DC is ill, I find it hard to balance the two. Like today... DD wasn't well so I couldn't go to work. Last week DS wasn't well so I missed a day last week as well. We have no family or support network around here and DH can't take a day off as he's in a school placement.

DH has gone back to ft education so we are completely broke and I can't afford to keeping taking unpaid leave from work. And I get annoyed because no-one has done my work today, so I'll have still done the same amount by the end of the week, but I've lost a day's pay. And although no-one is brave enough to say it at work, I get fed up with the attitude from other people who don't have kids and think I shouldn't get a day off work because one of mine is ill.

And my last moan is that DD has AS traits and some mornings are extremely difficult if the day doesn't go as she planned so I am late for work (only 1 or 2 minutes). And now I have had 50% of my bonus docked due to lateness. So I just want to leave my job as I'm fed up of having to put my DC at the bottom of the list. But then we'd have no money at all.

I'm not saying my situation is unusual, just venting really. Same old story isn't it? I've no idea how mums do it ft!

Give up? Live off the social? Eat dry bread and drink water?

Hate to say it but until your DH can provide you're a bit stuffed really.

Maybe try and put a positive spin on it in the fact that you have a job that brings in some pennies. It won't be forever.

It's all easy peasy until one little thing throws the whole shebang off track. Like an ill child. That's the main one. We're trying to deal with that just now too and it is a major headache.

My work colleagues and boss are all lovely and don't mind at all when I take time off to look after my DD, which is a good job becos in the last 2 weeks she has had a vomitting bug so I had 3 days off and now she has an awful cough and cold so I've had another day off. But I still feel awful, and really guilty for leaving my colleagues. And like you if I don't do my work no-one else will so I still have to do it at some point. I've no idea what the answer to it is.

at least with 2 parents when a child is ill you can take it in turns to have a day off - and presumably it is better to miss a lecture or two than a day's pay?

Mitchy - DH isn't in lectures, he's teaching in a school placement so can't really 'have a day off' at this stage.

Yeah, I feel guilty about my colleagues and also guilty that I try and get DC to go to school when I know they're not 100% so I can go to work. But I do as much as I can and only work during school hours so at least I'm with them at home afterwards. That's my positive spin.

Don't feel guilty. You are doing you're best so speak to yourself kindly. Sounds like you are a conscientious employee to me. There are a lot of people who really couldn't give a stuff what effect their actions have on their colleagues.

I know exactly the position you are in. My DH is doing a full time nursing degree where he has regular clinical placements. He has to make up any hours lost and will be failed if he hasn't done the required number of hours in each placement. We also have no family support in the country.

Although I get full sick pay and carers leave from my work, I feel bad as its always me off work with the kids so as not to jeopardise DH's course.

Don't be too hard on yourself - at least you are contentious enough to consider your employment even though its pants that you are docked wages.

i hear you too! its really hard to juggle.....

the huge positive is that you're working school hours...a great job to hold on to...i took a huge pay cut to work in a job that is school hours, term time only (in a school funnily enough!) so don't give up....

as you're only working p/t, can you ask to make up your hours on other days, or swap with a collegue to make sure you're not missing days at work?

re getting to work late...can you speak to your manager and explain about your dd...again, offer to make the time up in your breaks or lunch..and ask for a bit of understanding/leeway about this.

keep on keeping on...it WILL be worth it in the long run.

I hear you too chicaguapa (great name!) I have just started a new job and am dreading the first child's illness. Dd2 also has severe SN so has loads of hospital appointments etc. I laid it on really thick in the interview to make sure they knew my problems!! They still offered me the job, so I guess they are prepared to be flexible. However, time will tell on this....

I wasn't working for the last 4 months, and it was so lovely not having to worry about illness. I was so much happier and more relaxed and actually slept properly. Ah well.

Thanks for the understanding. I've decided to take a break for a few months when DH finishes his training. After this year we'll be used to coping without enough money so a few more months won't be too bad.

We're going to be moving in the summer and I want to put DC's needs at the top of the list and help them settle in at their new school etc instead of having to put work first. With DD's AS I think she'll need a fair amount of attention and I can't see how that's going to fit in with a new job.