Going back to work 6wks after birth

[Mouseybrown]

Advice needed please!

I'm going to be a first time mum in the summer, but I am the wage earner in our family and will need to go back to work when the higher rate maternity pay runs out (6wks).

HB will not be working and will do pretty much full time childcare with me doing a bit in the evenings so he can sleep. The theory is that I'll sleep at night with earplugs in so I have brains to do my job.

I know breastfeeding is a good idea but can't see how we can possibly do it with me at work all day.

Am I mad to think this is going to work? Has anybody else out there done this? Am I going to be in a fit state 6wks after?

I do realise its probably not the best for the baby but neither is having no home though not paying mortgage!

Thanks

I went back to work when my daughter was 16 weeks old. That was hard enough - 6 weeks!!!

I breast fed as I didn't have a choice - I tried to get her off the breast and onto a bottle. Only to find out she had an anaphylactic allergy to cows milk. She was also allergic to the special formula's. She wouldn't touch the soya based ones. So I had to pump religiously 3 times a day.

Having done this myself- this is really not the road you should take. As well as being physically exhausting the mental exhaustion and utter depression of not being able to enjoy your beautiful baby is something you can NEVER get back.

I still feel resentful about it now (can you tell)

Why is your HB not working? Can't he take the strain for a few months while your baby and you have this valuable time? Can you sell your car - get a cheaper one? Take payment holidays. Cancel all unneccesary bills (Sky TV etc)

Having that 1st 6 months with your baby is so important for both of you.

Don't end up like me - regretting the time you didn't get just 'cos your DH still wanted to keep his damn sports car!!!

For some reason, I was the only one to change my priorities when we had our children. Don't make this mistake. You're both parents and need to work to make your family life as good as it can be for all of you.

Why won't he be working?

my friend had to go back at 6 weeks too. Her husband did child care and took the baby into see her every day at lunchtime. She did breast feed but it was really really hard. She found going back to work hard but like OP, she had no choice. She is still happily married and has now got 2 daughters, 10 and 7. She looks back and remembers it was hard but also remembers she had no choice and just made it happen.

Hi Mouseybrown, really understand your dilemma. Am currently only contemplating TTC #1 but I also work for a small business and do a job that no-one in the organisation could take over. I would also want to return to work after 6 weeks as long as I was fit to do so.

BUT I do work from home full-time which is a big bonus. Dh also works from home 1 day a week. I have (probably very naive) images of being able to work while rocking a baby to sleep etc but think it could be possible as long as I have a back-up plan in place in case I can't cope and am putting too much pressure on myself.

I would encourage you to ask your employer about home-working as most small businesses would appreciate you coming back to work so soon... I know mine would bend over backwards to help me if I became pregnant as they have have done so for another employee who had a baby last year.

I'm not sure whether the OP's still around, but having just looked over the previous replies, there doesn't seem to be a mention of the fact that she may go overdue, and therefore have to return to work when DC is 4 weeks old. Just thought I'd mention that as it would be (physically and mentally) pretty tough (and quite a bit harder than 6 weeks).

I am still around, I've now told my boss and they are fine about me working from home, so I guess I'll be doing that when I get enormous, then have the 6 weeks off when the baby is born, and then go back to working from home until I'm fit to come back in the office.

Thats the plan anyway...

Thanks for all the replies

Hi Mouseybrown, I was going to mention the overdue thing, my first was 2 wks overdue. Your working from home plan sounds very workable, and at least if your hormones are wobbly for a bit you can have a cry in peace!
I found expressing very difficult and mix-fed my first from 6 weeks which worked really well (he fed all night regularly before that and I got exhausted until my DH sensibly said 'enough') and my body adjusted fine to just bf at certain times, so that might work for you too. Hope all goes well.

mousey - I did this, went back when dd2 was 6 weeks old.
She was mixed fed, had bottles during the day, and breastmilk in the evening/night. She slept next to me, it was the only way I could get any sleep. I am living proof that you can wake up 4-5 times in teh night, and still go to work
I also visited teh nursery and fed her at lunchtimes.

Not sure if this would have worked with a first baby though, b'feeding gets easier the more you have, ime.

tbh, I dont think it is a terribly good idea, from my own experience.
Your job is important, but so is your role as a mother - my ex pushed me out of that role as much as he could - he just wanted me bringing money in. Are you aware of the implications should you divorce, if your dp/dh has been the primary carer right from the start?
Can he not get a temp job, even for a few months, until you are better established with the baby, and have had a proper chance to get b'feeding going?

Hi all, Just came across this thread and found all the tips very useful. I'm also the main wage earner and am planning to go back to work after 10 weeks. But planning to BF for at least 6 months. Luckily I live close to work and can also work from home some days so between that should hopefully be able to keep it up or mix-feed. Thanks so much for all the +ve stories. It's good to know it's possible!

IME, you do what you have to do but it's not easy. My Ds was 17 weeks old when I returned to work and I bf exclusively(expressed like a mad thing for when I was working). It is do-able, but very very tiring and again, IME you so need to have tunnel vision...Got to pay the mortgage, got to pay the mortgage.
The upside for you is that you have your partner there with you ~ I didn't so I had to do the night stuff too.

Good luck.

Thanks for all your advice folks.

Nighbynight, DH is a supply teacher and the baby is due in the school summer holiday so not much joy there. I am an engineer so I could send him out doing a joe job but it wouldn't fill the financial hole! We have savings if I change my mind so I reckon it'll be ok.

Thanks again for the help everyone.