Help wanted with a tricky conversation

[DarklyDreaming]

I went back to work ft when my DD (now 4) was 9 months old and have worked ft ever since. I changed jobs a couple of times since going back to work, but they have always had lot of travel, staying away overnight every 2-3 weeks etc. So not ideal.

My current job has all the travel and overnights, with an added bonus of a 1.5hr commute each way. It's a really unique role though, and a great company which does make up for it the travel a bit.

I'm starting to get worried about how I'm going to manage everything once DD goes to school after the summer. At the moment she's ft in nursery, so we have the option of care for her 8am-6pm (although we try to manage pick ups and drops offs to shorten that where we can. But obviously schools hours will be shorter and I would really like to be around in the evenings to help with homework etc, not just drop her at breakfast club and pick her up from after school club.

DP works about 30 mins away but he has his own business and could really do with putting in more hours to help it grow, so couldn't really shorten his hours.

I've just been offered a job with a former client of mine - completely flexible hours, working from home, no travel etc but he can only offer 3 days per week initially. I would need to work at least one more day per week to balance the books at home.

Everyine at my current job is extremely overworked and there are always extra projects floating around that we often have to get consultants in to complete as we're so under resourced. I'd really like to take on some of this work for the company, either on a consultancy basis or pt for 1-2 days per week. However, the company would have to recruit someone to take on my current role as it needs to be ft or at least 4 days per week.

So tomorrow I have to go in to work and speak to my boss, and I'm really struggling with how to word what I want to say so that it looks like a positive solution for all concerned.

Does anyone have any wise words/ reassurance/ inspiration to offer?

Just go in and say exactly what you have said on here !!! Try and be positive about the company and the role that you are in now but explain that things will be changing for you in September and you need to start thinking about a solution now because you don't want to leave it til the last minute. Your boss may have already been thinking about this themselves??? Tell them the solution that you have come up with and tell them that you will help in whatever way you can to find a replacement but you don't want to disappear totally from the comany. Hopefully you will be surprised by their attitude.

Thanks Boakleesk, that's v helpful & reassuring.

I think I have thought about this so much that I've lost perspective and now can't see whether what I'm asking is a reasonable request or whether my boss will think I'm trying to have my cake and eat it!

It sounds like you have a good relationship with your employer - your boss and other management. It's not a bad thing to say you will grow out of this role at some point but you would like to stay involved. Perhaps this is an opportunity for you take a step back and view the company from the outside, and then you could come up with some ideas to do things differently, so everyone's not so overworked. Working for your other client would help get this perspective (?)

One thing though, when you say you have to work x amount to 'balance the books' do you mean you need to earn that amount to maintain your current standard of living or that's what you need to maintain anything at all? If there are economies and sacrifices you could make at home it could be worth it to open up these other avenues of employment, as well as the quality of life aspect of being able to spend more time with your daughter. Please excuse me if that is not relevant or overstepping the mark.

Thanks Lexi and you're not overstepping the mark at all.

Yes, by balance the books I did mean roughly maintain my current standard of living. I will hopefully be able to sell my car if I don't need to commute and travel for work. I will also be able to take DD out of childcare for at least part of the week, all of which will help a lot.

It's just that we've obviously structured our finances around having a certain income, and I'm a bit panicky about dropping quite so much pay. Things will be much tighter for us if I can only do 3 days, which is why I really want tomorrow's conversation to go well.

well good luck tomorrow then! Try scripting yourself a few phrases that you can throw in whenever you feel you need to bring the talk back to your main intended thrust - e.g. if it drifts off into specifics and what-ifs, go back to "the idea is that I would be able to train [new person] to do my job more cheaply for you, as well as exploring new avenues for the business". And "my quality of life would be better the more flexible my role is, and that will make me a more productive employee" - stuck record saying you're valuable and you want to be an asset to the place. Individually they may seem a bit trite and you may feel silly saying the same thing repeatedly but say it honestly and your boss will go away with those echoing in his (?) head rather than "I'd like you to provide the black forest gateau and no I'm not sharing"...

Quick update. I went into work today all fires up with your good advice and suggestions, only to find that my manager is off sick.

So now I'm just going to have to cultivate my ulcer over the weekend until he gets back.

Thanks for the help though, I really felt prepared today so it hasn't gone to waste.