Feeling de-skilled from maternity leaves

[doingthelambethwalk]

Currently on my second maternity leave in 3 years and worried about going back to work and not being up to the job. Had a horrible pregnancy and work was quiet due to recession so did not put much into it and am now thinking I will have to step up my game a lot going back, but don't know if I can really.

Finances and childcare not the issue here, just professional pride. I think it's like feeling overpromoted, if that makes sense.

Has anyone been in a similar situation and how did you get back into the swing of things? How long did it take you to feel good at your job again?

I had this experience after returning from my first maternity leave. I handled it really badly and eventually left my job.

I think if I could turn back the clock I would have been honest about it. I'd have spoken to my line manager and requested some refresher training in certain areas.

Also, I have since found out that the organisation I used to work for now offer 'peer mentoring' for women returning from maternity leave - basically a 'buddy' from a different department (a woman with children) will support you and act as a sounding board for any issues or concerns you have. This could be something you could look into, perhaps?

Don't feel ashamed, though. This is normal and doesn't mean you are crap at your job - only that you are a bit rusty. A good, progressive employer (hope yours is?) should be happy to support you in sharpening up your skills and getting your confidence back.

Thanks MrsMattie, unfortunately ROFL at a 'buddy' - my peers and I are a new wave of senior working mothers it seems, above us are either men with SAHM wives or single women... good idea though, think I will look into women's networking organisations aling these lines.

Training is also a good idea.

Trouble with line manager is he has SAHM wife who sailed through pregnancy so I was annoyed with him when I was ill and did not hide it, he would not give me any peace when I was off sick (6 days in whole pregnancy!) even though other team members could have helped him. So I daren't raise the issue with him as I doubt he would be any help at all.

Tough situation. I had a bastard from hell unsupportive male boss when I returned to work, too.

I guess I just wish I had confronted the issue rather than running away from it.

Training is a good idea. Can you sell it to him? You don't need to use words like 'de-skilled'. You want refresher training. I'd think he'll be hard pushed to turn you down.

We have no budget at work for training at the moment but there are some "add-on" professional qualifications I could do that are not too expensive and could buy myself. DH is likely to see that as giving myself more stress so I would have to work hard to sell it to him though!

I did go to a few training courses pre-budget freeze during pregnancy though so that's not as bad.

Thinking about this has cheered me up, thank you - actually recovering the technical part of my job is probably not going to be too bad.

Hi, I was just about to post the exact same post! I am currently half way through my 2nd mat leave in 2 years- I only went back for 7 months before I went off again to have DS2. Whenever I think of work I get a sick feeling, I am more than half way up the career ladder and I feel I am being pressured into taking the next step so to speak. All my peers are taking the next steps and I feel I need to or I'll be left behind or looked upon as having no ambition. I got an email today about a job that's about to be advertised. It's ideal- 2.5 days a week and a big pay jump. But I just feel a sense of panic when I think about it as I feel soooooooooo deskilled and a fraud! I feel I didn't put much effort in before when I was at work (between mat leaves) and therefore I'm so behind in the latest research / treatments etc (I'm NHS). But I think I really need to apply as 2 separate people have suggested I go for it.

I just feel I've been winging it and I'll soon be found out! I just wish I could win the lottery and never work again and be with my 2 boys all the time!

See! No ambition! Anyway, just wanted to say you're not alone on this one. When do you need to go back to work?

Absolutely snap really sleeves (BTW is that something your DSs say? My DS says "I like your hair" to everyone).

Don't need to go back until April or May but worrying already as have not had the nerve even to speak to my line manager again since I've been off as I was so cross with him before I went. Also if I go for training off my own back I'll have to sign up for it really soon.

Is your potential new job within the same department as your old one - if so, I would imagine the people saying go for it know what they're on about.

Do you think people who go on sabbaticals and so on feel the same way as us or is it because we've been so overwhelmed by involvement in parenthood we feel we aren't giving very much to work any more?

LOL no my name is from the film 'Napoleon Dynamite', a great geeky film where the main guy Napoleon at one point goes on an awkward date and tells his date that he likes her sleeves 'they're real good'. I love that film!

The new job is actually back in an old dept I used to work in, I'd be working with 2 folks I previously worked with (hmm but not sure if that's good or not). My current boss emailed me to tell me it's about to be advertised so I don't know if that is her encouraging me to move up the ladder or her way of trying to get rid of me!!!

Not sure if others who go on sabbaticals feel like this? I just feel I've had 2 years out of my career and when I went back last time I was just expected to pick up where I left of but inside I was screaming that I hated my job and didn't have a clue, I really lost so much confidence but I never said this to anyone, it feels taboo for some reason? Others who haven't been on M/L don't know how much work goes into raising kids and that inevitable your brain goes mushy with kids stuff after a while. That's not to say M/L isn't worthwhile obv though. Maybe we just feel we have to be at the top of the game at everything? Parenting and career.

My perspective on life changed after I had DS1 too, I just fell so much in love with him that work just seemed insignificant in the grand scheme of things. I now just work to get money for the bills, I think my mojo has gone!

I returned to work on Mon, after a year off,(my 2nd mat leave in five years.)
It feels like I'm swimming in mud, everything has changed, new teams, new rules, new set up.
So as well as trying to remember the old stuff, I'm being bombarded with tons of new stuff.
I'm hoping it will improve over the next couple of weeks, but I've found this week tough, but not as tough as leaving my ds's

Sympathies.

After ds1 I took 6 months. It was hard going back.

DS2 had health problems. I planned to go back after 6 months. I went back after 1 year. There is 3 years between the two of them, but because of the nature of my job (scientist) I could not do certain aspects whilst pg either for safety reasons.

I am now back, but as my job is very male dominated I don't think they understand the problems for returning mums. Worse, they think you should stay home like their own wifes so it gets difficult to get taken seriously. I get endless questions on "when are you going on maternity leave again?" .

From what I remember with ds1 it does get easier, but at the moment I'm maybe in the same boat, although having said that it feels like my field has moved on without me, but I feel I should be applying for promotion etc because actually my age and experience out-qualify my job... On other times I just feel like jacking it in to live on a house boat or something .

I'm maybe not the best for motivation in your situation, but as I say, I sympathise.

Thanks, sympathies and shared experiences do help, I think!

Do you think starting a new job could be easier than going back to an old job? In that people would then expect you to find everything new?