Disability, work and baby - is it possible/realistic

[lulict]

Hi, new poster and I'm just hoping to hear other people's experiences. I've also posted this in parents with disabilities as didn't know best place to put it.

I've had ME for 2 years 4 months. I was off work for almost one year when I first became ill. I'm a solicitor. I went back and built up to full time over a few months and coped with it for another year. I have just left however as FT work was too much for me. I was offered a part time job, which was then withdrawn when they found out about the ME - whole other topic and I am taking legal advice! I am looking for another PT job now.

While I was working FT and ME was manageable, DH and I planned to start to TTC this month. This has been put on hold for the time being, as the stress of everything has caused my ME to get worse again. I am terribly broody though and despite previously being a card carrying career girl, since having the ME my priorities have totally changed.

I had thought that even with the ME I would be able to work PT and have a baby. I'm now thinking this might not be the case and I might have to give up work completely. Financially this would be a struggle but we'd cope. We have lived off one income before as I was obviously too sick to work initally.

Sorry for long rambling post. As I said, I would like to hear other experiences and would be grateful for any advice/words of wisdom.

Thanks

Anyone?

Hi. Didn't want to leave this unanswered. Sorry, I can't offer any advice but I would say just go for it! How about looking for a part-time job a few months after the baby is born? That way, you'd be able to gradually adjust and have a better idea of how you'd cope. It can't be easy living with ME

Good luck

That would be can't offer any personal advice..

Thanks lollopops

I am disabled and my DD is now 6 and I have worked part time since she was 6 months.

It is possible, but I rely heavily on my DH for certain things such as the driving as I can't drive.

The trick is to adjust and work out what is important and what is not.

I have continually refused promotion and only work part time so I can pick my DD up from school.

You also need child care you trust so you don't worry during the day.

Hi another (ex) solicitor with chronic fatigue here. Well done for making it back for a year full time, I'm sure that took a lot of determination

I don't have any massive advise as basically a lot of your post could describe my situation too, so I'm wondering the same things.... I cared for my neice for a day in the summer and it made me really think whethe I could manage part time working and child care.

I guess all you can do is have a go and see? Maternity leave etc is a long way off if your only just starting to ttc, so no reason not to hunt for another part time job in the meantime. And afterwards, some people manage to persuade their firms to let them ease back in gradually, so that might work for you? Also, I feel that a lot of solicitor's roles can easily be done from home, at least some of the time, which might help you not get too worn out?

sorry, I don't think there's any real advice there, but I wish you all the best. and very glad you're getting legal advice about the job offer being withdrawn! some law firms unfortunately are very unenlightened, as I discovered the hard way

You won't know until you try. If you have a supportive partner and there is no desparate need to earn money, give it a go.

I am a lawyer with a physical disability but luckily it doesn't get in the way too much. I just have to be organised and plan my time so I don't push myself too hard when I am not feeling up to it.

I am not sure how well legal practice fits with part time work; I've found it quite hard dealing with solicitors who are only in a few days a week. Is there some other legal position you could look for to use your qualifications but which didn't put quite as many demands on your time?

For eg the Bar Pro Bono unit is looking for a caseworker; its not a huge amount of money but it sounds as if you can go part time and you could keep your hand in while figuring out if you can cope ok with demands of baby and work.

good luck.

Spero, doesn't it depend on the area of law a lot though? Mine was non-litigious and non-transactional, so generally only involved client contact and wasn't massively time critical. Areas of law like that are perfectly suited to part time working / flexible working in my opinion, even if some firms are too unenlighted to see it. But don't give up hope of finding a part time solicitors job lulict, there are sensible law firms out there, and if they will take you on part-time then I reckon thats probably a good sign for the future when you need to juggle childcare too

Do agree though that it is also worth thinking about work which uses the skills and knowledge you gained as a solicitor but might be more accomodating of part time working, and possibly allow a route back in in the future. I'm working in the public sector now and they're far more supportive, flexible and open minded than the law firm I was working for (well my department is at least)

Thanks for the advice guys. Do you have any children yet tiredfeet or are you also ttc?

I am currently looking for PT work, I know FT is out of the question. There is not much PT work around in my specialism so I am looking at other options, such as the public sector as well as becoming an advocate for a charity. I have found law firms to be somewhat closed minded and am quite excited about the possibility of moving my career in a different direction.

I have been exhauted after looking after nieces and nephews recently and I think this has made me panic about whether I will be able cope - I'm still coming to terms with the changes in my life. I have come to terms with working PT. I never considered that I might have to choose between having a job and baby and it is looking increasingly likely that this will be the case.

Sorry I'm just rambling agina nd it is not very cohesive. I have so much milling around in my mind right now and I don't know anyone else in RL in a similar situation so this is the only place I can get advice from peopl who have been through it. So thank you again.

Sorry for terrible typos also!

I think you could do it if ME is not playing up too badly if you can get lots of help eg nanny, cleaner etc. I think the extra stress and commute of childcare outside the home might be a bit too much to ask unless your DH can handle that by himself?

don't make it too much of a black and white choice. if you have a baby there is only a couple of years of absolute dependence, then they will be at school and you will have more time and less demands. It sounds as though juggling the needs of a very young child and job at the moment might be too much but you can always consider work more seriously once child is older.

And yes, i was talking about litigation. I really don't see how this is possible part time, its not a question of being 'enlightened' employers, it is just not practicable given the immediate demands of litigation.

but there is much more to law than that. A friend of mine had to give up private practice due to huge stress overload but then went back to her firm as a 'know how' officer. I'm not 100% sure what that means but it seems to involve sorting out continuing professional education for the lawyers, its a stress free 9-5 job and she's much happier.

am ttc too lulict, I too keep wondering whether I will only be able to cope with baby once it comes along, and will have to give up career, but I do hope that some kind of combination will be possible. After all, law is largely a desk based, sedentary job (at least, the type I did was) so it should be possible to combine legal work into our lifestyles, even with fatigue.

I find working at home makes so much difference, as the commute was the bit I found hardest. That and ( Iknow this might sound silly to people without fatigue) stuff like only having a very short distance to walk to get a drink/ go to the bathroom. But it did take quite a lot of hunting / imagination to find a role that enabled me to do this. and still not totally confident whether it will work with children. for me though, I'm just really planning to see what happens when it happens. Also, (thinking positively) you can recover/ improve from chronic fatigue so maybe all this worrying will become academic... (its what I like to hope, anyway!)

At the minute I am thinking of when the child is very young, I don't think working and having a young child would be possible. I would hope once it is a bit older some kind of work will be possible. Previously I has thought that returning to work after maternity leave would be posible.

The type of work I do is very demanding (family) and the clients are very reliant upon you. that in itself is very tiring. Job share/part time is availiable be not common especially in private practice, which is why I'm thinking of the public/charity sector.

Once again, horrendous typos - blame the ME!

I wonder if having a job could actually help? I know I found the demands of a young baby much harder to cope with than the demands of work - at least at work I can chose to go to the loo on my own and have 15 minutes for a cup of coffee and Grazia free of interuptions!

I think it is definitely worth finding a part time role in the legal world, why not sign up with some agencies and see what is out there?

Thats an interesting point Spero. especially once they are at the toddler/ running around stage too, I guess then work might feel distinctly more restful!

Oh having looked after my niece (4) and nephew (1) I definitely think going to work is easier! In some respects that is part of the problem in that I couldn't rest on the days I wasn't working.

I'm already on the hunt for PT work anyway, as obviously this is all academic at the minute, as I'm not pregnant yet and who knows how long that could take.

Thank you for all the advice once again, it is very much appreciated.

no, I see what you mean, I definitely need my rest days at the minute or I really suffer. think I'm just taking a bit of a head in the sand approach to the whole thing a lot of the time, but then we've been trying for a while now so I'm more worried whether it will ever happen at the minute

good luck with the part time work hunt, will be worth it when you find somewhere supportive

I'm sorry you are struggling to conceive. I hope you get a positive result soon. It's very difficult to cope with things when you feel so rotten most of the time isn't it? But good luck and think positive thoughts.