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Original poster

Top tips for getting out of the house w/o the screaming?

17 replies

stealthsquiggle · 16/11/2009 13:31

I never had this problem with DS, who sleeps very deeply, but DD(3) is a very light sleeper, and for the past few months whenever I try and leave early (5:30am - 7:00am) to get to work, leaving DH to do the school/nursery run, DD wakes up as soon as I creep downstairs, and comes down howling. She refuses to snuggle with DH (which she is more than happy to do on weekends), and follows me around with wails of "I want you to take me to nursery" "I just want one more quick cuddle" ad infinitum until I end up detaching her from my leg and sprinting for the door. DH tells me she is fine 2 mins later, but I'm not. It reduced me to tears this morning. I have tried pretending not to be in a rush and trying to settle her back to sleep, I have tried reasoning with her, I have tried shouting. I am clean out of ideas - anyone?

OP posts:
whomovedmychocolate · 16/11/2009 22:08

Yes. Buy slippers! Seriously, you can try leaving a radio on very low in her room for a few weeks so she gets used to background noise when she's sleeping without waking and see if that helps.

DD was convinced by the 'mummy has to go to work to earn money to buy toys' (esp when one appeared at the end of the week)

But really they do get used to it. And it is just a sign that she loves you however infuriating it may be at the time.

Original poster
stealthsquiggle · 16/11/2009 22:57

Thanks, WMMC - she has bat-hearing, I swear - and yet DH can get up and crash around with no problem at all. It's not like Mummy going to work is new - I have been doing it since she was 6mths old, FGS. Slippers wouldn't really help in old house full of creaky floorboards - and the radio would drive me nuts as DD's bed is directly above ours. Interesting idea, though.

OP posts:
whomovedmychocolate · 17/11/2009 07:52

Take a day off, pretend to go to work .... when she asks take her with you are do mind numbingly boring things all day

Original poster
stealthsquiggle · 17/11/2009 10:26
  • interestingly, she doesn't want to come with me (and is chilled about the whole working thing - "when I'm a big girl I'll go to work") - she just wants me to be the one to take her to nursery - which is a bit tricky when it is 6am.
OP posts:
whomovedmychocolate · 17/11/2009 10:34

Tell her you don't know the way to nursery but when she's a big girl - in say - three years, she will be able to show you the way and then you'll take her

NotsoDH · 17/11/2009 10:36

Maybe try something like "You can wave to me out of the window". Since it will be dark when you leave you could shine torches at each other? Make it fun?

rasputin · 17/11/2009 10:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
stealthsquiggle · 17/11/2009 10:47

I do take her more often than not (so not knowing the way wouldn't wash )- the problem arises when I have a 9am meeting somewhere and therefore have to leave at 6:30am. I have tried bribery - she reneges on the deal and wails anyway, I end up confiscating whatever it is (generally she wants to borrow a bead necklace which DS made for me ) and we are back at square 1. I think some variation is called for - I shall soundly kick gently wake DH, entrust him with sticker/necklace/other bribe and tell DD Daddy will give it to her once I am gone, if she is good.

She is a have-your-cake-and-eat-it girl ATM - lots of turning round and saying "No. Because I don't want to" and sweet-talking DS out of half of his chocolate/whatever having already stuffed all her own. She's gorgeous and enchanting and bloody hard work[sigh].

OP posts:
rasputin · 17/11/2009 10:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Seeline · 17/11/2009 10:54

Have you tried telling her the night before that because you have a very mportant meeting or whatever, you won't be able to take her tomorrow, but you will the next day. You know that she is a big grown up girl and she will help Daddy to get to nursery on time. My kids always responded better to being informed in adcance of any situation - perticuarly if they knew the outcome of a different situation, rather than woorying about the unknown. Could you perhaps set a little job/task for her to do the next morning so that she can show it to you when you get home - it might take her mind off it?

neverknowinglyundercatered · 17/11/2009 11:05

It's a crap way to start the day isn't it?

I'd second NotsoDH's sugestion which works for us. Whenever anyone was leaving we made a big fuss about waving from the window, and now when either of us leave him, whoever is staying with him does the same and now he focuses more on waving goodbye than on the fact that you are going IYKWIM?

The other thing I learned from nursery drop offs is not to linger... as you say in your post, she makes a fuss, you give one more cuddle or try to settle her etc then she learns that a fuss means a few more minutes with mummy. With DS we adopted a routine of a breezy, upbeat kiss and goodbye, see you later and then just go, then there is no merit in playing up because it doesn't work and they stop. (and if you need to sniffle - do it in the car, out of sight!)

Original poster
stealthsquiggle · 17/11/2009 11:06

That's a good point, Seeline. I don't, because I can't face the tears, but I should, shouldn't I? I shall try it. Thank you.

Last night after disasterous morning yesterday she said "Mummy I'm a good girl - I'm not going to cry when you go to work in the morning" followed 30secs later with "I will cry a little bit" - as it happened DH took them this morning leaving me in home office on a call - which she was perfectly happy about for some reason.

Rasputin - yes, he should be, but it's not going to happen without a whole load more of shouting on my part, which just stresses DD out more. Apparently (and I do believe him) 30 secs after I have left she fetches a bear and goes and snuggles in bed with DH and goes back to sleep .

OP posts:
Original poster
stealthsquiggle · 17/11/2009 22:19

Well, fingers crossed for the morning. We told DD I would be leaving early, and she said (with a slightly wobbly lip) that she wouldn't cry and would be good for Daddy - we shall see....

OP posts:
Seeline · 18/11/2009 12:18

How did it go Stealth? Hope she wasn't too upset.

Original poster
stealthsquiggle · 19/11/2009 09:28

Seeline you are clearly a genius and understand my DD. She didn't stir a muscle(she was in our bed having invaded at about 5am) - I got up at 5:30am and left with no problem.

She did throw several mega strops at DH when he picked her up in the afternoon though, which I am actually secretly quite pleased about since I think he thinks it is me dealing with her wrong which causes the strops .

OP posts:
Seeline · 19/11/2009 11:35

Hope it continues to work

gallery · 19/11/2009 20:06

I had similar problems though it was more about going out in the evenings. We gritted our teeth and it became the norm. I also subscribe to the sticker idea. We do stickers and reward when so many. The way to earn them is specified- e.g. stay in own bed till early morning, not grumpy getting up, eating supper etc. It does work but we do have to keep reinforcing.
The other thing I did dropping my little one off was tell him IT IS OK TO CRY, just a little bit. So then he doesn't worry about the whole parting crying thing as much. It is all tough though. But only because we love them

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