Newcomer to the UK and have no clues how to juggle between work and life

[Duang]

I have just moved from Holland to Kew area and ma planning to go back to work full time. I have 2 children, one of 2.5 years old and one of 5 months. The nursery here is very expensive. I am wondering how do other mothers cope with this? Don't they go back to work? or Do they all earn a lot to pay for the day care and have enough to eat? I am very puzzled how does English mum cope! Please shed me some lights.

Yes, the sad fact is that childcare here is very expensive. To make it work, you ideally need a nigh-paying role. If you are planning to go back to an admin based role, for example, you will find it very difficult to make your salary cover your childcare costs. What kind of job are you planning on getting?

With two children in London, having a nanny in your home may be more cost-effective. Have you considered that?

Other people manage in a variety of ways if their salary doesn't really justify them going back to work. Some have family to help out which presumably isn't an option in your case, some manage with a combination of nursery and aupair (far cheaper than a nanny) but your children are too little for an aupair to have sole charge.

Some people also return to work in the knowledge that for the pre-school years they will have very little money left after paying for child care, commuting, lunch etc but they consider it worthwhile in order to keep up-to-date in their field, to be in line for promotions, to keep pension contributions going, because they know that in a few years time child care costs will lessen and they will have more money left over .... only you can decide if these reasons are enough for you.

my children have a larger age gap (3.5 yrs)which made it slightly easier as we only had to pay for both of them in Nursery at the same time for a short while before the older one started school.

If you need childcare for two it is expensive (agree that a Nanny may be better value) and for the first couple of years back at work you probably use most of your income on childcare but costs do normally go down a bit at age 2 and again when they turn 3 so its only a few years of pain.

This may not be possible for you but for the last yr or so my DH and I have worked 4 days each meaning we only have to pay for 3 days childcare...

How do English mums cope Well now, there's a good question. If only I had an answer.

Private nursery is very expensive and asically, lots of women either work for very little actual pay because they feel the need o keep their jobs, or they rely on family, or they don't go back to work. You might get a childminder, or some people find with two kids, a nanny is a better alternative.

But whatever you choose, it's really not easy being a mother in this country.

I'd love to hear what the alternative is in Holland.

That's an intersting question.
You may qualify for help with childcare cost from tax credits if your partner is claiming them. You can get help with up to 80% of the cost. It all depends on the income.
You may want to try finding a job around your partner's job so you don't have to use childcare. Mind you ... you'll probably only be able to fit something part time.
I worked full time for over a year ... 8.5 hour shifts 5 nights a week and during the day I looked after my children. I felt physically and mentally drained and I do not encourage anybody to do that unless you're absolutely desperate.
Another cheap option is get a live in au pair if you have room and don't mind living with a stranger.
It's not easy to juggle everything and keep the balance but some do.

If you go back to work full time you either have to be earning a ton, have family to help, or accept you will be doing it for a career not for the money.

Sorry to hijack, but PAV - WTH are you doing up at this time of day?

Hey mo could not sleep. And now dd is up. so still can't sleep!

I've been up since 4am with my dh discussing this. we both work full timke at the moment, with a LOT of help from family but with a second child on the way we've decide that either both of us have o go to a 4 day week, or I'll have to cut right back (which I don't want do). we both enjoy our jobs but this lifestyle is just not sustainable

Thanks for all your feedbacks. It is really an eye opening for me. At least, I am not the only one who wonders. Childcare in the Netherlands is slightly cheaper than here (London standard). What makes a big difference is that the government helps with the costs. Depending on your combined income, Dutch government will help with either 1/3 (min) or 2/3 (max) of the childcare costs. Even if you do earn reasonably well, there is help out there to give you an incentive to work which I do believe it is better for the economy. A lot of Dutch mums do stay home too. However, they do it because they want to and not solely because of the cost of the childcare.

Here in the UK, you do pay slightly less tax than in Holland but you can expect very little help from the government. My perception is that the middleclass is the one who suffers most from the UK system.

My job pays roughly 65k a year which could reasonably covers the nursery costs but will leave me nothing left. I totally agree with annh for the reasons why some mums (and I) want to go back to work.

Moreover, working part time is not a realistic option for me. You get less pay but the amount of work is the same (from my experience). So you end up working during the evening and weekend!

I will start looking for a nanny option. The difficult thing here is how to find a good one. Here comes another grey hair!

Thanks all again for your help. Really appreciate!

Agree with what the others have said. We left an age gap between dc1 and 2 so that there would only be a short overlap with both at nursery. Only then we messed up by having dc3 very soon!!

With two pre-schoolers, you probably just accept that most or all of one income goes on childcare until they start school. The benefits though, are keeping a foot on the ladder, and also, once they are in school you really don't give a monkey's about paying for after school and holiday are, because it's so much better than having to pay for all day!

If you are earning 65K, you should be OK? - nursery for 2 will cost in the region of £1800 a month (that's what it cost me in Fulham, Kew shouldn't be staggeringly more, surely?), you'll be bringing home about £3.7k a month (before pension), so £1900 left over? OK, so it's depressing to see so much of it disappear, but definitely worth doing!

Hello Rebeccaj, I did another calculation and the total cost is roughly 3000 (not 3,500 as I posted earlier, sorry). It is GBP 70 per day per kids. I wish it were 1800.........

OP - your 2.5yo will get some free hours from the term after they turn 3, so however much it costs now that should be the peak cost (unless you are planning on private schools, of course )

As others have said - jigsaws of family help, au pairs for older DC, perhaps even a nanny or nanny share might work out cheaper, or the same and more flexible?

It is a core reason for a lot of well qualified women not returning to work - I had the exact same conversation with a group of mothers yesterday at a party - one is killing herself working 4 days a week and juggling, another is doing similar but is also reliant on the fact that her DH is a teacher and so can cover most of the holidays, a third is now self-employed and earning a fraction of what she used to, and a fourth has given up completely until her DC are old enough to be more self-sufficient (giving rise to a further conversation about when that might be!)

Good Luck - welcome to the UK!

Stealthsquiqqle, hanaflower and my dear mumsnet friends who share their wonderful thoughs there,thanks a lot for your comments. Since I posted this topic, I did a lot of reseach (posted for a nanny position in a couple of website, contacted a tax agency for the employment advise and did read some surveys on the cost). It seems that the cost of a live-out nanny and nursery are pretty much the same!!!!! It is so difficult but I think I am opting for a nanny option. In the worse case, I will put my DC back to the nursery

It has been an interesting process though. In any case, I still have nothing left at the end of the month..........

Thanks for your welcoming to the UK

If the cost is the same, I would go for the nanny too - otherwise you would need a Plan B for all those just-a-bit-poorly days when they would be fine at home with a nanny but wouldn't be able to go to nursery - and generally it should be more flexible. I am of flexibility my friend who has a nanny has, even though I know that the cost is crippling for them, and financially it would not work out the same for us, and that we just can't afford it (or, in fact, find one, living as we do in the middle of nowhere).