which one is going to give? The book deadline, the baby or my sanity

[smeraldina]

Hi there,

Not looking for solutions (although any gratefully received) - but perhaps some solidarity.

I have a contract to finish a book by the end of April. Have postponed it quite a few times for various reasons - firstly the research took longer than anticipated, then I got pregnant, and asked for a 6 month extension. Publisher agreed to both - but for various reasons they want the manuscript asap.

Now the baby's here - three months old, and I'm struggling. He was early - I was in hospital for a good while with him and wouldn't breastfeed for 8 weeks, so I was expressing, and has just had an emergency hernia operation. If I'm on my own with him I can do max 45 mins work a day on the book - not enough. DH takes him for one and a half days a week. I'm trying to get someone to come and help but it needs to be the right person as I am bf on demand and he demands a lot - and on top of it - I want to spend as much time as possible with him, as I adore him...

So, I've just contacted my agent to ask him to moot the possibility of another extension. I feel pretty awful about this - really guilty - and as if I've failed. But I feel that something's going to snap soon if I don't get a bit of lee-way - ...and the pub may not agree in which case....hmmm. I really don't know.

anyone been here - trying to juggle a small baby and a pressing committment? Any tips or thoughts?

in my experience the baby always comes first, then it;s a tossup between work and your sanity...

The only way I got anything productive done without childcare was to put the laptop in the basket under the pram, push dd round town till she feel asleep, then park up in Starbucks and type like mad till she woke up.
On good days I'd do this twice (morning and afternoon).

If you can find a suitable nanny or similar all they need to do is cuddle / amuse ds while you type upstairs - they don;t need to take him away from you, iyswim...

OK, so you have about 6 months (is that for a first draft?). How much can you realistically get done in your day and a half? Do you have a good space to work in, away from the baby? One of my friends wrote a book in her second baby's first year (it took her a year though, and more F/T than 1.5 days/week). She had a room at the end of the garden where she worked - felt she had to be right away from the family to get anything done.

And when you say 45 mins/day, why is that? Does your baby only go 45 mins between feeds (it's all a bit of blur nearly 3 years down the line)?

I think some serious planning is required. Set yourself some personal deadlines, even weekly ones. Also, if you're going back to the publisher, can you give them a definite date when you can have it ready?

Thanks MrsBadger. I have begun to try the wheeling to the cafe to write trick and it seems to work - to an extent. That's how I got 45 mins the other day. midnightexpress, I may be exaggerating about the 45mins max. In the early days he slept a lot more - I could get two or three hours a day. Now, some days he sleeps for a couple of hours - sometimes no more than half an hour a day. So the rest of the time he is either awake and wanting feeding, or awake and wanting to be played with. He is happy in a sling, but only if I'm walking. It is about 6 months left - for a completed draft (not a first draft)...and to top it off, I start back teaching (at university) in January. Not full time, but still
Which leaves me thinking not only is this impossible - but who was I kidding in the first place to think I could finish it. [self-flagellating emoticon].
I may be feeling unduly depressed about things due to the hernia op, plus DS has been (unsurprisingly) unsettled

Just wanted to add some sympathy as this sounds so familiar. I got reviewers' reports back on my book manuscript just as I went on maternity leave in 2007. I thought I'd be able to write when DD slept, but she turned out to be one of those babies who just doesn't sleep. Combined with a bout of PND and ridiculous sleep deprivation, and no where to work at home, it was never going to happen. Now I'm about to go on maternity leave with number 2, and I'm horrified to say the book still isn't done. If I could have my time over I would have got someone to sit with DD - even if only for a few hours a couple of times a week. I think it's the only way you can get the mental and physical space to write. I know that's easier said than done, of course. How far along with the writing are you at the moment?

ok, you need to find more time to write, obviously.
What about mornings? I have a friend who gets up every morning at 5:30 to write two hours before breakfast. If you're BFing, and DS does an early feed maybe not go back to bed after it?
And can you & DH afford to pay for a mother's help for a couple of hours a day maybe? Someone to do some light housework, and prepare your lunch in between watching DS would be hugely helpful.
Can DH take responsibility for all evening meals and all laundry? (for example??)

It's obvious that you can't do everything - so you need to delegate the stuff someone else can do. No one else can write your book.