what to do -p/t/ft? advice appreciated

[mickb]

Have gone back to work in demanding-ish job full time- dreaded going back and found first couple of months pretty hellish as missed my ds so much and felt that I was missing out. No chance of part-time in my job so looked for another job and was lucky enough to be offered a p/t role in small co. elsewhere. But have got cold feet as new job is in a diff. type of work which haven't done before, am scared won't know what am doing/will hate it and will be working on my own(which am not sure will like). Also have worked my way up in my current job over many yrs and feel like am giving up a lot(even though it doesn't offer me the future I think I now want and I didn't miss it whilst on mat leave). But this seems to be the only p/t job out there for me and I worry that if I don't take this I will be stuck in my current job for evermore or will just burn out and end up giving up altogether. Going round in circles about what to do - want to stay in current job as feels safe but recognise might not get another chance to work p/t again for a long time and really don't want to be a weekend-only mum in the future. Any words of wisdom would be much appreciated - is going p/time the perfect solution??? Ds (now 18mths)seems v happy btw with his c'minder so don't think he's at all unhappy - just me making myself unhappy and exhausted with it all (which I know is v silly..)

I hear you. I fought really hard to go part-time in my long-hours responsible job and after a fight won my case. That was after DS was born. 4 years and another child later I'm still part-time in the same job. Bored sometimes and frustrated at seeing others get promotions etc over me. Tough to juggle everything and with less income. BUT I get quality time with my children and cliched but true - they grow up so quickly. It's up to you and everyone is different but personally I have never regretted going part-time. Good luck - make the right choice for you and then be happy about it.
x

Well done you for taking the step of looking for a part-time job, and extra well-done for getting it.

Who knows, the challenge of working in a new area might be just the mental stimulation you are needing. You could have the best of many worlds: lovely time with your ds, part-time employment, and a happy satisfied life.

You may be worrying now, but you must at least try for it. You will never know how well it will work out until you do.

Definitely go part time if you can afford to & FT is making you that miserable BUT, I'd personally hold off accepting the new position, give your current employer a final chance to let you go PT (with the knowledge that you will leave if not) and if they don't go for it, leave & take the PT role.

Good luck whatever you decide.
LCN

Hi mickb,
I found working f/t got harder and harder as my kids started to go to school.

In terms of career progression, there are many reasons for finding yourself not progressing even when you're f/t, when you've got kids. For me, inability to stay late when they need you to, inability to travel when required, their knowledge I might have to rush off if my children are ill, and so on. I can honestly say I was less focused on my career when the kids started school and I had to be here there and everywhere for them. I just wasn't the same employee - less focused, and finding work to be an inconvenience, but had to do it. Prior to having school age kids I was more dedicated.

I'm now considering what to do myself after my maternity leave, but it wont involve working f/t. If you can afford to work p/t it's a good option for the kids. I now know what the kids are doing at school, how to keep up with their homework and reading records, when such and such is happening, etc. I found it hard to keep track when I was working f/t. Also from my perspective, my kids started alsorts of afterschool activities: cubs, rainbows, swimming, even things like school discos, plays, etc., and they often all start at about 5/5:30 - difficult if you're not there. It's a very different situation when your children are at nursery - I found.
Hope this helps a little.

Thanks very much for your responses btw. Lots of wise words there -much appreciated.

I work 3 days and love it...it is the best of both worlds for me.

I do feel though that the compromise is in my job. Luckily i love it at the level im at but can see that i have not developed as much/quickly as if i was FT.

However for me i would rather compromise something related to me than time with the ds's IYSWIM.

Not scientific but for friends who do work FT the compromise for them seems to be in their relationship with other halves and the general level of guilt felt.

Change is always scary...no doubt even if you had no kids and were offered another job/promotion or suchlike you would still have some collywobbles, we all do i htink. Once you have taken new job you are unlikely to look back IMO.