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Original poster

Should I resign?

18 replies

lesleyella · 07/10/2009 19:34

I returned to work when my dd was 10 months old. 1 year on I am really not enjoying my job. I work full-time in local government, am struggling to juggle a very demanding job with motherhood and miss my daughter like mad when I am work. I am not planning to have any more children and I feel like I am missing so much of this amazing time. And I feel like I simply cant put in enough effort with the job in order to make it a success.

My husband reckons we can manage (just) on his salary and I may be able to do a bit of freelance work. I feel so torn - I would so love to spend more time with dd, she is growing up so fast, but am scared at the idea of walking away from a job in these troubled times AND know how hard full-time motherhood can be.

I dont know what to do ... any wise words gratefully appreciated.

OP posts:
RipMacWinkle · 07/10/2009 19:41

Of course you can only do what you feel is right so if you want to spend time with your DD and can afford it, then go for it.

Alternatively, would going part time be an option?

This would let you do both and see how you find spending extra time with DD - you may find that suits you or may want to give up completely then - so be it.

Sorry for my waffle - I think this kind of decision is one every working mum faces.

Original poster
lesleyella · 07/10/2009 19:47

I am going to ask again about the part-time thing but I took the job on the basis that it was full-time and my boss has always been pretty clear on that point.

But I will ask again and make a decision based on that response.

OP posts:
llareggub · 07/10/2009 19:51

Could you put in a flexible working request? Ask for a career break?

FWIW, I have just resigned from local govt for various reasons, but mostly because I want more flexibility with my children.

Good luck.

NanaNina · 08/10/2009 00:48

lesleyella - my advice would be to give up your job and spend the time with your daughter. As you say she is growing up fast and they only have one childhood and you are missing so much of it. I know this isn't a popular thing to say in this day and age but I honestly think under 5s (and especially under 3s) benefit from having one to one care from someone who loves them. I know for many parents it is not possible for them to stay at home with kids but if you can afford it I would go for it. I don't think you will regret it - you can get another job when your daughter is older but you can't get your daughter's early years back again.

I hated having to work when my sons were little and like you missed them terribly even though I was lucky enough to have a sister to care for them but giving up work wasn't an option for me.

Good luck and enjoy that little girl

Tortington · 08/10/2009 00:50

go part time - local govt should he great with work life balance stuff.

grass might not be greener - then you will be in shit street

hatwoman · 08/10/2009 00:53

no decision you make now needs to be permanent. if you hate work and miss your daughter and can manage financially resign or ask for a sabbatical. in 18 months she could potentially be going to nursery. and in 30 months she could be at school - everything will change again. you might want to return to work, do voluntary work, retrain, lots of things. kids move through our lives so blummin quickly that no decision we make is forever. so seize the day. {and that's from someone who is usually incredibly reticent to express on actual opinion}

llareggub · 08/10/2009 11:21

custardo, not all local govt is great at the work/life balance stuff, sadly.

Original poster
lesleyella · 08/10/2009 19:06

Thank you everyone for your comments. SO far my work/life experience has not been great but I am going to ask the question once again and if not then I agree with you, NanaNina, I should focus on my little girl in the short-term.

I feels kind of irresponsible to give up a job these days but guess that says something about the way we value work over caring in our society, huh?

OP posts:
catinthehat2 · 08/10/2009 19:18

erm right. Because people who go out to work don't care...

Original poster
lesleyella · 08/10/2009 20:53

Ouch, that was not what I meant at all. I was simply differentiating between paid employment and unpaid roles caring for dependents.

OP posts:
mazzystartled · 08/10/2009 20:57

Your boss may be clear about what they want -but do you think that they can realistically put a business case for not considering a flexible working request? Can you have a chat with HR first? OR can you hold on to look around for a similar part-time role/scope out the freelance thing a bit more?

PoisonToadstool · 08/10/2009 21:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

catinthehat2 · 08/10/2009 22:37

(Lesleyella, I thought that was what you meant, was just testing to be sure)

Haunty27 · 09/10/2009 00:17

Les, there's legislation now about work/life balance. Check your employers' policies too. Job share for example?

If I were you I would take the opportunity to spend time with my dc's if I were able to survive on dhs salary, you can always go back to work when you need or want to.

You can't turn the clock back, dcs grow up soooooo fast.

Original poster
lesleyella · 09/10/2009 21:01

Thanks everyone for your advice, I have to say I am starting to feel much calmer about making this step. I left work early today and went to the park with my dd ... despite the rain it was perfect...

OP posts:
newMNer · 11/10/2009 00:17

Lesleyella, I'm joining in late, but I just want to agree with the posters! Another vote for spending the time with your little girl, if that's what's in your heart, what's best for your DD and you have the support from your partner.

elkiedee · 11/10/2009 01:18

Good luck with whatever you decide LE.

It sounds like you want to leave whatever, but another suggestion I will make anyway is that you start reading your employer's jobs bulletin and see if there are any positions being advertised at your level or similar on a part time basis with the same employer. I realise there might not be, as lots of councils are restructuring, but the advantage if there was something is that you should carry forward some of the benefits accrued from current employment.

Haunty27 · 14/10/2009 00:18

LE, did you get their family friendly/work life balance policy? Does it have career break?

Best of luck.

Let us know how you got/get on?

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