Someone help me get some perspective here re leaving PFB

[jeffily]

I am driving myself frickin' mad. I am going back in late Dec, DD will be 9 months old. I know that it is the right thing to do and I am sure that I will love my job once I am back into the swing of it. But I am fretting and fretting. She is BF, and though we have started weaning she still feeds every 2.5 hours at the moment, though she is only just 6 months so I am hoping that will change as she starts eating more. But I have never been away from her for longer than 2 hours- how will she cope? I worry about how she will get to sleep, how she will eat, how she will feed. Do I start giving her bottles for her milk feeds in the day or should I try her on a cup? My communte is 45 minutes so if there is a problem I can't be there quickly. I worry that she will be unhappy and I won't be there to look after her and that she will be confused and feel abandoned.

I never thought I would be this kind of parent. I feel like shaking myself, but knowing intellectually that this is ridiculous doesn't stop me from feeling like weeping whenever I think about going back.

What childcare have you got in place?

What exactly are you retuning to - full time/part time/ nursery/ childminderEasier to specifically reaasure you if we know!

try and relax, its still 3 months away so you have lots of time to change your DDs routines and feeding habits gradually and gently. There is a big difference between a 6 month old and a 9 month old, just as big as from now back to when she was only 12/13 weeks old.

IMHO I'd skip bottles and go straight for a cup. my DS was 9 months when I went back and his Childminder didn't even realise he was Breastfed, he had water or dilute juice with her and plenty of milk when he was with me.

I can only tell you what a good friend told me at the time I went back to work (ds was 10mo): this is something you need to do for you, and for her. she needs to learn (slowly) to be herself in her own space as well as around you, and you need to make it safe for her to learn that. (ok, my friend said it better, but that's the gist of it).

re BF, it will decrease. ds was probably still feeding every 1-2 hours (24 hours/day!) at 6 months (and I don't think I'd been apart from him for more than minutes after his first 36hr in NICU). but he was down to morning, evening and once/twice overnight once I went back to work, and coped fine without me (no screaming as I left, ever). I couldn't express, he didn't like cow's milk in a cup, so he had water when I wasn't there. you'll find what's right for both of you when the time comes. another 3 months is an enormous time in a 6 month old's development. enjoy this time, and don't worry too much about December.

Thanks for being there .

I'm going back part time, two days one week, three the next. DH will have her two days, she will go to a nursery 1 day a week. DH has a job once a month where he is away from home so won't be able to have her on his two days, my sisters are going to help out with those days. I'm just fretting about every little detail- the length of the days especially because I am a teacher and I know my boss was v unhappy about having to agree the job share, so I am going to have to do 8-5 really, and then the 45 minute drive each way.
UniS- how did you cut back on the milk before you went back? And did you feed him in the days when he was with you?

I worked 2 days a week, before I went back I got him into the routine ( for those days) of milk first thing, solid mid morning snack at about when he would have had a feed, solid lunch etc, then a big milk feed as soon as we got home , tea and then another milk feed before bed.
Did it gradually, mid morning snack was the easy one , he was a sucker for a breadstick.

Days I wasn't working he had IIRC a breakfast feed, lunchtime, mid afternoon, tea time and bedtime. Bizarrely your body does adjust to a varied days routine.might take a few weeks, don't be too surprised if you pick up a night feed again.

I felt the same when my DS was 6 mths and knew I had to return to work when he was 8 mths. He had never taken a bottle and although was taking solids was still BF 6-8 times a day. I had never left him and I couldn't imagine leaving him to go to work. He only starting taking a bottle at 6.5 months and it took about 3 weeks to wean him off the breast.

I went back to work this week and he's been in nursery 2 weeks and it's been so much easier than I'd dreaded. I really think it's better to go back while they're young so they get used to other people. Of course if you want to continue BF I'm sure your body will adjust. I hope this puts your mind at rest a bit. Just enjoy the rest of your mat leave and cross that bridge when you come to it. x

Your arrangementg sounds fab - sisters, dh and a little bit of nursery- lovely for your dd.
Your dh is just as important as you especially now she's weaning. What alucky little girl to have so much dad ttime.
I think you will look back and feel proud that you set up such excellent arrangements to care for your dd and you kept teachiung too.
Re bfeeding =-it just seems to work itself out honestly!My ds went for these weird half bottle/half cup things from boots, my twins had cups. My boobs adjusted and never gave up!

Thanks everyone, you made me feel a lot better. Feel like I have it more in perspective this morning.
UniS - pick up a night feed again- she will have to drop one of the three first!!!!
You are all brill. Wish I could have you round mine for cake.