:( Starting a new job on Monday, just cleared out my desk and I feel really quite sad.

[Bobbins]

I hope I've done the right thing. I had to bring home photos of Harvey and my stripey mug. The people in my present job have helped me through so much. They really supported me last year, through my two bereavements. I suppose it just felt safe. I sat through my pregnancy at that desk, and losing him and my Mum.

The new job will be much more challenging and I'll be moving from desk to desk. Can't take any personal stuff in. It's still in the same building but in a ver different department that is more high pressure.

I remember my counsellor saying that one of the last stages of bereavement is the testing of new behaviours. I suppose I'm just worrying that I'm jumping too high too soon.

It was Harvey's second birthday on Tuesday, and without my even having to say anything, two of my workmates told me they were remembering him, which was really comforting, but they also let me just get on with my work.

I won't get that in the new department, I'm not even sure they are aware of what happened.

Blimey, Bobbins, you really do like to challenge yourself, don't you?

I am sorry, I didn't even realise Harvey's birthday had come around, how was it for you? Did you do anything special?

Lots of luck with the new job, I'm sure you will do brilliantly but can't you have just one little photo with you, you could stick it up with bluetack or something? It would help, wouldn't it?

All the best for Monday! love from Janxxx

janh> I kind of thought a challenge might help me keep my mind moving(?). I'm a glutton for fresh starts. But now I'm bricking it a bit. I've been in the same department for six years.

As far as the photo goes, I'll be based in a big listening room at BBC Montitoring, so I'll never be in the same place from one day to the next. Also, I stupidly don't want to look like a wuss. I think I'll have to suss it all out before I bring in/bring up personal stuff.

I've left everything to until the last minute and now I have to do six people's appraisals tomorrow. GAH!

Sweetheart ! Really feel for you !

FWIW I think this is just what you need - a fresh start, a fresh challenge and in some ways it's good that your new team don't know - because they can't judge you on anything but your job performance. And - you WILL be fantastic !!! You ARE a total star !

Why don't you make a date to "do lunch" soon with your nice old colleagues and stay in touch with them for support ?

Good luck for Monday (and the ghastly appraisals !)

Big Hugs xxxxxxx

Good luck Bobbins! BBC Monitoring? Sounds very exciting anyway.

You can just make up the appraisals now you're going. Just say everyone was fab

It is hard going somewhere new and having to explain stuff to people. We'll all be thinking of you on Monday.

Whoops, somehow neglected the Bank Holiday. It's Tuesday that I start the new job.

Tinker> good idea about the making the appraisals up, but some people are awfully precious about appraisals. I wish I was a memebr of the NUJ as they have been boycotting them in recent years, perhaps I should migrate tomorrow morning.

Scatterbrian> Thanks for your faith in me honey and talking of lunches, when are we going to chow down again? I think we are waiting for jessi to drop.

Bobbins, could you have a locket with Harvey's pic in, or is that just not you? You can get big, plain silver ones from John Lewis that look fairly fab if hung from a designer chain/necklace. I have a cross for Tom and am very proud of how many people have commented on what a nice piece of jewellery it is.
I endorse Tinker's view of last-minute appraisals - make it up, you might find you have enthusiastic co-conspirators. Does anyone really enjoy them?
Very best of good luck for next Tuesday and thinking of you and Harvey this week.

Good luck bobbins ... I will be thinking of you ... I think you are so brave and fantastic ...
Does this mean you can't post on Mumsnet during the day anymore ...?

Ghosty...yeah probably we'll see. I still have my Pm access though, so I suspect my appetite to post will be more voracious.

Marina...a really lovely idea. Perhaps not particularly me. But maybe! I might ask for a treat from my Dad....cringe!

Hi Bobbins. I have just changed jobs after 6 years (got made redundant) and have been in my new job six weeks. During those years I got married, had three miscarriages and two DSs so my previous colleagues/friends helped me through a lot of sad, emotional and happy times. I had really got into a comfort zone there and was putting off finding the sort of job I knew I really wanted because I didn't want to leave them. Being forced into it was horrible but also a really good thing. It has taken me a while to settle into my new job - its hard being the new girl - but now I love it and am glad I've moved. My new job is more rewarding and more challenging and I really hope you will feel the same once the change has been made - change is very scarey at first and you will have to give yourself time. FWIW (and I have read about you and Harvey) I agree totally with Scatterbrain. Be kind to yourself and enjoy your new role!

Bobbins, Good luck and I bet you'll be fine. The anticipation is often worse than the reality I find. Love the idea of just making up all the appraisals!

Bobbins - Good luck and best wishes for your new job. I think it's a good, positive move.

You are a lovely encouraging lot!

It was extremely busy, as I, in my own personal style, left everything until the last minute. I did 7 appraisals (?) and had lots of comments from my team about how much they would miss me, and how well they thought I had coped during the last difficult year, and how well they thought I would get on in the new job and deserved it blah blah blah. I had to keep bringing it back to them and saying this was THEIR appraisal. We dealt with all their issues also...thoroughly. It was all very heartwarming. They all read their appraisals afterwards to sign and approve them and most of them said thanks...should have said some bad things about em maybe .

Got lots of hugs...even though I'm still going to be in the same building.

And then we had Cava...and pressies and chocolate caterpillar cake ( a tradition for leavers in my dept.) baloon and a big send off sign round their office!.

I hope I get on with my new team as well. I won't have anyone below me, which I am really pleased about. I felt I was sometimes (maybe) too soft as supervisor. But it seems they all still had quite a bit of respect for me.

It's sad, but good. They've seen me go through a LOT of shit and still try to remain in control. Couldn't have done it without them.... Bless em.

I really am an ungrateful sod... I am off to exchange the margharita set. I really don't like it..it's plastic...I don't drink margharia's....and it was expensive! (I am biting my tongue...about how I feel about the person who chose it!) Best mate at work is currently in Kefalonia...and I think usually she would have chosen! I feel bad, but this pressie is quite ugly and I need proper glasses. I was actually about to bid on a lemonade jug with glasses on ebay.

I feel bad, but I'm going to do it anyway.

Bobbins - Good Luck for Tuesday. Change is always very daunting - but especially as you say when you are leaving somewhere that is safe and secure. I recently change jobs after 41/2 years in my last post - during that time I had gone through the death of my ds and a very bad time with my dh and my colleagues were wonderfully supportive - it was extremely hard to leave them and move on - but I am now glad I have done it and love my new job. It is also difficult being in a new environment where not everyone knows about ds (although I did discover that one person who did know had 'prewarned' the rest so that potentially difficult situations such as 'how many children do you have? have generally been avoided.) Anyway my new colleagues have been equally supportive and I have chosen carefully who I have spoken to about my son and on the whole they have been very understanding. I do hope you find the same - there will always be the awkward questions about family from new colleagues and that, combined with the new job can be very upsetting - but you will soon 'blend in' and find new people to support you i'm sure.

UPDATE

Well, really, talk about change! On at least two occasions over the last couple of weeks I have longed to be sitting in my comfy private little office doing my comforting, familiar little jobs. There has been such a lot to learn; the house style for writing this and that, lots of new computer programmes, meeting lots and lots of new people, impatient duty editors, and as I say I have wanted to wuss out. But, all in all it has been fab. I've landed in a really interesting and quite challenging job. It involves writing, putting stores up on BBC News Online, capturing stills from video, languages and capturing audio actuality. So, it is really varied. The days go really quickly and as I learn the ropes more, it feels quite satisfying at the end of a shift. One good/bad thing is that they are all younger and more thrustingly ambitious than me, but it has changed my perspective a little. One big thing is that it's a relief not to be managing people.

The crux of it is, my therapist said months ago (I'm no longer seeing her) that trying new things and testing the waters was one of the final stages of a grieving process, and I feel like I can handle this change and I find that I am quite enjoying occupying my brain with new experiences.

Thanks for all your supportxxxx.

Bobbins, it all sounds really positive. Well done, you sound like you're doing brilliantly!

good on you Bobbins.

Sounds great. I was thinking the other day about how I miss working with other people - that creative buzz type thing. (saying that, we didn't have that in most of my previous jobs).

Anyway hope it keeps being as good.

Cheers ladies.

I almost made the mistake of calling a femeale suicide bomber a 'lady' yesterday. Odd, the issues youmust consider.

I'm no lady myself!

This is for janh > I was sitting opposite the 'scaryduck' weblog guy today and he farted audibly, the 'lady' I am shadowing and I, looked at eachother and laughed - audibly - he apologised. Yep, he's a real babe, erm, actually he isn't. At least he acknowledged it.