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Original poster

Work Fulltime, kids started school - seriously how do people find the time.....

53 replies

Meeely3 · 04/09/2009 14:01

Hi there

After a seriously long break from MN, I am back with my tail between my legs looking for some advice/support since my twins have started school.

I have worked full time since they were 5 months old, so they are nursery raised boys. I had my third child in Feb and he is now at the same nursery.

The twins started proper school yesterday and as a consequence I start work later so I can drop them off - this means I have to finish later also, so DH picks the twins up from after school club about half 5 and I pick 6mo up from nursery about 5.45 ish. I got in about 6.15 last night which is about bathtime for 6mo, so he went straight upstairs - and then twins get in his bath water and then straight to bed.

I found 'homework' in their school bags after they were all soundly asleep and thought when the fook am I going to get time to fit all this in. Not only do I only see them for about 45 mins in the evening, I will not be able to do the required sit down a read with them time individually. And wot about when they get older and need outfits making, or they have PROPER homework - am I damaging their education by working these 8 hours a day?

I have considered dropping some hours and having a pay cut, but not sure if the reduction in pay negates any benefit of not having to pay for after school club.

Does anyone sucessfully work full time, have their kids in school and feel they have a good work/home balance?

For 4 years me working has been fine, so didn't think anything of them starting school - but 2 days in I feel guilty as hell, skint and really really tired.....

OP posts:
moondog · 04/09/2009 15:41

Sorry, see yu get up early anyway.
Defoo get dh started on reading first.

giantkatestacks · 04/09/2009 15:51

As they get older they will be doing their homework in the after school club anyway mostly - the reading we do in the evening and my Year 1 ds doesnt have a bath every night - more like twice a week.

moondog · 04/09/2009 15:53

No, bath every night not necessary.
I get my kids to put pyjamas on and do teeth asap so they have more time downstairs with me.

stealthsquiggle · 04/09/2009 16:24

Can I swap mine for ones that don't need a bath every night, please? By the time you had finished scrubbing all the visibly grubby bits of my DC at the end of a school/nursery day, giving them a bath would have been quicker!

moondog · 04/09/2009 16:33

Shower is quicker.
Put them all in at the smae time.Mine still come in with me.We're all done in 10 mins.

Original poster
Meeely3 · 04/09/2009 16:43

mine do tend to need a bath every night and in fact object of they don't have one - DT2 sweats like you wouldn't believe and proper honks!

They do have showers sometimes and we all go in together, but DT2 (can u see a pattern forming here with him?!) hates water in his face, is quite water shy, so is quite painful to get him clean in the shower and rather noisy too with "noooo, not in my FACE mummy, stop, nooooo, DADDDDDDYYYYY!!!!"

OP posts:
stealthsquiggle · 04/09/2009 16:48

Being made to have (separate) showers for a week is the ultimate sanction for my DC if they don't stop squabbling in the bath - trouble is, having made it effectively a punishment, it is now hard to implement it as a time-saving measure.

more · 04/09/2009 17:01

I get up at 6.30, sort breakfast for all 4 of us, sort lunches for all four of us, wake up children, eat breakfast together all of us, say goodbye to hubby, get children ready for school and sit them in front of tv whilst I get a shower, clothed, clean up after breakfast, do some laundry, chat to the children, get out the door to walk them to school, cycle to work where I stay for eight hours, daddy has picked children up from work, and has sometimes done their homework with them, I cook dinner/daddy cooks dinner, daughter reads a goodnight story (her homework), either I or daddy reads a goodnight story, whichever adult does not read a goodnight story sorts out the kitchen, end of.

sometimes they have a quick shower in the morning, sometimes we have time for a bath in the evening. It all depends. They do not need a bath every single night.

And if my husband has time to stay up until 01.00 in the morning then he has time to iron his own shirts.

Original poster
Meeely3 · 04/09/2009 17:15

more, that sounds pretty good and similar to us except I iron because I enjoy it and I do it all on a sunday while watching some drivel on the TV! Also DH does all the cooking - so thats usually on the go when I get in with DS3 (he also pre cooks all the meals for the weekend on a friday night so we just have to reheat!).

What time do you get home More, if you don't mind me asking? if you do an 8 hour day like me you must be getting in after 6?

OP posts:
taokiddy · 04/09/2009 17:17

I work 31 hours a week and have 4 children, 3 at school now. I can be fairly flexible as long as I do my hours which is great for sports days, Xmas productions etc. DP drops them a couple of times a week, and they do after school club so I can do a couple of long days. Then the other days I can drop them and pick them up. The littlest is with the childminder so I drop her on my way to work.

DP works long hours so usually do tea, bath and bed on my own which takes a while! You build up a repertoire of 20 min meals, and if they end up with cheese on toast sometimes so what!

I don't do nearly as much reading with them as other people, but they're certainly not behind, and they only get homework at weekends thank god. If you're worried talk to the teacher. I think generally reception kids only get homework to keep the pushy mums happy and the teachers generally think a full day at school is more than enough. I've been known to forget about class assemblies/ parents evenings etc but noones that bothered. They either think I'm a bit dippy or understand that with 4 young children and working nearly full time school just isn't my priority; its just part of our very busy, happy family life.

GrapefruitMoon · 04/09/2009 17:36

The homework thing can vary though - at our school Reception is the only year where they get written homework every night, at least for the first term - they use the Jolly Phonics scheme and do a new phoneme every day till they have done them all, with a worksheet to practise on each night (think we get weekends off).

Re the money side of things - surely you are paying less in nursery fees now they are at school (even taking into account after school club) - so if you dropped some hours you might not be worse off than say a year ago?

Tbh it is far harder to work full-time when they are at school than when they are little, only know one in RL and she has a nanny...

Fennel · 04/09/2009 18:04

But the school (assuming it's a state school) can't actually make you do homework. They can try but you don't have to do it, certainly not every day or exactly when and how they want. and if they get shirty, you can do as Custardo says and tackle them about it. Sensibly, maturely. In the end many parents have to work and won't have time to help 5yos with homework every day. That's life. Also many 5yos still getting used to school will be too tired and grumpy to be worth doing it with. It doesn't mean you are failing your dc or not supporting their education, there's research that shows homework at primary age has no impact anyway. The teachers know this too. my dc are doing fine at school, we are terribly educationally minded as a household, but there's no way I'd let daily homework for 5yos dictate my working (or other) life.

AnybodyHomeMcFly · 04/09/2009 18:13

It's only been two days, give it a few weeks to bed in before you decide to cut your hours.

duckyfuzz · 04/09/2009 18:28

Hi Meeely (dingdong here) mine started last sept and I had similar feelings - and that was despite taking a .2 cut in my hours so I could be there after school some days. We do homework once a week, reading 2-3 times a week, bath or shower 2-3 times a week (one of which is part of our saturday night ritual) get evverything sorted the night before and train DH to search bags when he gets them home it gets easier, I'm even considering increasing my hours again!

flintski · 05/09/2009 20:46

Hi - I hope you don't mind me joining in - I've found you all an inspiration!

I have alternated working f-t and p-t since my dd was born but have always struggled with the organisation and guilt of working

DD has just started reception too and I am starting a new f-t job on Monday which means I got to do 2 drop off and pick ups and that's it now! Practicalities are dealt with what with a combination of DH and a fantastic sounding breakfast/after-school club (i'm a teacher so the holidays are sorted) but its the guilt I am having trouble with! We have moved to a new area so dd doesn't know anyone at school and neither do I - any tips on getting involved with school if I'm not able to chat to mums or teacher at school? Will DD care that I don't pick her up??

sorry for hijacking!

Original poster
Meeely3 · 05/09/2009 22:11

I was told joining the PTA was a good way to get involved with school if you don't have the time in the day that the non-working mothers do.

one of my twins does seem to mind that I don't pick him up because i used to pick him up from nursery, but now Daddy picks them up from after school club because i can't pick all three kids up before 6pm.

However like someone said it's only been two days thus far, so i'm going to let it all 'bed' in before i make any rash decisions.

OP posts:
Fennel · 06/09/2009 09:04

We've been new at 3 primary schools (we moved twice) so we had to make new contacts/friends 3 times. One school had a "mums out of the kitchen" series of nights, sounds awful (I'm not a mum in the kitchen type, have no need to get out of it) but I went along as I was new, met another mother who worked full time (TA) and she's still a close friend, several years on. So I recommend you go to any evening or weekend social events they put on, however awful they sound. At the next school I went to a Fashion Show (urgh, again not at all my thing) had fun, met lots of people. And so on.

I also quizzed my children about their new classmates and popped notes in school bags inviting children to tea/play, leaving our phone no. That worked well.

lots of parents do work so you are unlikely to be the only one in that situation, though it can seem like it because you only tend to see the parents who are there at the school gate, not the full time working parents.

flintski · 06/09/2009 09:33

True Fennel - I'm sure there are more working mums there than it first appears.

I'm bracing myself for the PTA evenings out now but can see it will be a good way to meet people and I really like the notes in bag idea - will by trying that out!

Am going to spend the day being super organised so that next week is a breeze!

Original poster
Meeely3 · 07/09/2009 14:31

well both twins hopped, skipped and jumped into school this morning - not so much as a "mummy, kiss...." bless them!

Did some sums and looks like I'll be worse off if I drop a few hours a day even though i won't be paying after school club, so going to suck it and see for a bit. Leaving at 5 tonite because DH is at a company cricket match and can't fetch twins, plus I did some work on saturday morning, so I am owed a few hours.

Thanks for all the support and replies - lets hope I feel a bit better in a few weeks.

OP posts:
Acanthus · 07/09/2009 14:41

You will - it's very early days.

There is very little homework in the infants in a state school. What there is, I would suggest you do in the morning instead of the washer/ dishwasher which you can then do at night.

Can you also do your hair at night to cut down on getting ready time in the morning?

Katisha · 07/09/2009 14:51

Apart from reading and spelling (by yr 3) I have pretty much ignored all other homework at primary school.
Haven't done any of the "Maths games" that get sent out.
I don't think young children need homework.

Original poster
Meeely3 · 07/09/2009 15:32

Acanthus - we actually have plenty of time in the mornings, were at school early today in fact! I tried doing my hair the night before once, but after sleeping on it, it needed doing all over again the following day anyway. I am a creature of habit, like my showers in the morning - don't feel squeaky clean after sleeping!

Will make a concerted effort to do some of the reading tonite and see how we get on...

OP posts:
Fennel · 07/09/2009 15:52

glad it went OK today Meeely.

Hurrah, dd2 (year 4) has new trendy art-and-play-based teacher who doesn't believe in homework. that's one less chore for us all.
(though cantankerous dd2, having moaned about having to do homework last year, is now moaning about the lack of it "2 days back at school and we haven't done any real work yet").

Libra · 07/09/2009 16:26

Lots of good tips here.

I really agree that it is early days yet, so wouldn't start cutting your hours just yet. Things have got a lot better here since DS2 now goes to bed at 7.30 rather than 7.00. That extra half-hour frees up a lot of time!
I also agree that showers in the morning has been the way forward for us. And if necessary they really don't need showers every single day!
I find that it is the rare primary school teacher that expects homework or reading to be done for the next day. DS2 usually has some work to do for Wednesday and then Friday every week, so we have more than one night to concentrate on it.
Remember that this is not a situation that will last that long in the scheme of things - and one day they will do homework on their own simply because you have no idea about their subject (15 year-old DS1 is behind me at the moment focusing on physics homework that I can not understand at all).
And I am another one that has simply never produced a homemade costume, and has never been in to school to help out in class (and this is a small rural school and I am the only mummy who has never done so) and the teachers still speak to me!

flintski · 07/09/2009 19:47

Glad you had a good day Meely3 - likewise! My DD is so into school and brought her first reading book home tonight which we read in about 1 minute!

Libra - I am pleased to hear that the teachers still speak to you even thugh you haven't been able to help out - i won't be able to either and I've just looked at my diary and have lessons and a parents evening (i'm a teacher obviously!) on the day of the KS1 nativity so won't be able to see that either. Good to know I won't be an outcast!