Work related stress and anxiety - scared of telling boss the extent of it

[AccioPinotGrigio]

Last week a situation occurred at work for which I feel hugely responsible. My boss is being extremely supportive, he says that there is no way I am responsible and feels confident that there will be no major problems caused for the business as a result of the situation. He says these things happen in business and we will deal with it. I have one other colleague who also says the same, as do the few trusted people outside of work that I have spoken to about it.

In the face of all this reassurance from people more experienced in these things than I am, I just can't believe that I will not get into major trouble for this. What trouble I couldn't tell you, I have no perspective, I can't think straight for fear. I haven't slept properly for 6 days, when I do sleep I wake up feeling panicky and sick, have been on the phone to the Samaritans twice in the early hours of the morning, I can't eat, I have missed parents evening, school trip, fallen behind with housework and cannot, cannot focus on work at all. There is so much work I should be getting on with but I sit staring at my laptop screen frozen with fear. I work from home and so have nobody here to ginger me along as it were.

I am exhausted and today went to the doctor who said I was having an acute episode of anxiety which is compounded by a year of stress related to me feeling out of my depth at work. He has given me antidepressants and recommended that I also seek additional counselling.

I suppose my issue is that I have just told my boss that I have been proscribed antiD's (I didn't mention any of the other stuff about counselling and he doesn't know I had counselling last year) and he went quiet and kind of ignored it. Just told me to take the rest of the day off.

I am now wondering if I did the right thing telling him. I feel he should know but at the same time now feel very embarrassed and vulnerable for having done so.

I am in such a mess. I have no idea what to do for the best. I don't even know what I am asking. I'm just scared by the whole mess and feel like running away.

Sorry.

Hi - I don't have any sage advice but I didn't want you to be ignored.

I am a major worrier (many weekends miserably spent imagining my p45 on my desk on the monday morning due to some mistake on the previous friday) so I can totally empathise with how you are feeling.

Firstly, the work thing. If everyone else is telling you not to worry then you need to try and do that. Easier said than done I know but try to focus on that.

Secondly, on the boss front it was probably best to tell him about the antiDs. I understand your point about being embarrassed and vulnerable but it is better I think to be honest about this or else you may just end up spending more time worrying about him 'finding out'.

You say you have been feeling out of your depth at work - once things have calmed down a bit and you feel a bit stronger, could you have have a think about what if anything can you do to address this? I had major stress issues at work a few years ago and I ended up making a sideways move to another job moved me away from the work and person that was stressing me. It took me a long time to realise that that was the best thing for me to do though. Is that someone you would/could think about doing?

Hope this helps and take care.

thanks for that piffpaffpoff. You are right in that I should listen to everyone who is telling me not to worry. I am trying.

I know that once the eye of this storm has passed I will definitely be looking for another job. I would leave now except I feel duty bound to stay work through the messy situation we are now in.

As well as feeling responsible (perhaps overly-responsible) I am particularly angry with one of my colleagues who has had a hand in this situation but is now utterly backing away from it and sort of denying any involvement. I feel betrayed and scapegoated by her and I just don't think I can work with her again after this. I also feel that mentioning this would sound petty and probably not make a difference anyway to how the problem is resolved.

Essentially, she is more experienced than I am in the work we do and had agreed to support me on the particular project that is now in trouble. In fact I said I would only take the project on with her backing. I have sought her advice and guidance throughout and run major issues and decisions past her. She has been involved and checked my work but is conveniently not mentioning that. She just pats me on the back and says that I will be alright. Not as alright as her apparently.

Thanks again for your response PPP.