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Original poster

Crying at nursery

13 replies

izzle · 05/05/2003 20:03

DS(2) started nursery about 7 weeks ago and gets hyserical when I leave in a morning and go back in the evening.(They say he is fine during day) Due to work arrangements DS only goes 1 day a week. Have tried everything i know to stop this, anybody got any advive?

OP posts:
shiv · 06/05/2003 05:17

When we moved from Ireland to Oz my 2 DS'2 & 4 were absolutely inconsolable everytime we left them at childcare. I tried everything, from starting with short periods, gradually leaving them longer hours, allowing to take special videos or toys from home ( not encouraged by shildcare centre but I didn't care. talking about how much fun they had there etc etc and nothing worked. I finally gave them each something that they saw me wearing everyday, one got a bracelet and the other a scarf I wear as a hair tie, they were handed over solemnly at the door to each of their rooms and in some way it seemed to reassure them that I would come back, They now really enjoy themselves there and have special friends that they really look forward to seeing. however my boys go 2-3 days week and I think this makes a difference. I realise that the number of days your son attends is somthing you perhaps cannot change, perhaps he could go for and extra day or even part of a day with you staying for a while. sometimes this helps,

robinw · 06/05/2003 06:32

message withdrawn

Imelda · 06/05/2003 08:26

My little boy is 26 months - and is so attached to me that you wouldn't believe he copes with full time nursery (so attached in fact that the reason i logged on this morning was to seek help for Ds's complete and utter rejection of my husband - eg won't let him even put a barney video on - I have to do it..we are considering paediatric help!) but he does! He is very happy there. i like to talk about the carers and children there - eg sing "Five currant buns" etc, using the names of the children there, or I take one of the carers aside and let them know about sth specific about what the child did/watched on tv the night before or at the weekend and ask her to talk to ds about it. he has been at the nursery for about 10 months - very happy - but occasionally will cry when i leave him. do look on the bright side - no attachment problems there!
not sure if this helps but i hope it gives you hope. (ds was inconsolable for 4 weeks, and it broke my heart). imelda

Original poster
izzle · 06/05/2003 19:48

Thanks.it's nice to know it's not just my DS that cries and hopefully will stop at some point.Will try giving him something of mine to "look after " and see if that works.

OP posts:
Noisy · 07/05/2003 13:21

Hia is it possible for you to increase the time by another day? That may help.

My DS (will be 3 in July) started Nurset at 5 month and we have gone through lots of stages with him. Don't give up - it WILL get easier and he will settle. My sister's DD started going to nursey 1 day a week at 3 and it took her a good few months to settle (she was very shy). She use to scream all the way there in the car and then was fine as soon as she was left! She now LOVES IT!! Keep at it - good luck.

Britabroad · 08/05/2003 22:21

I gave my DS(then 3) a kiss on her hand and told her to hold it tight in her hand and if she needed it she could open her hand and get a mummy kiss.Think she just needed to know I was there for her and hadn't abandoned her.

Artemis · 03/10/2003 20:50

I am a nursery nurse and work in a day nursery, we get a few kids who get very upset when mum/dad goes. There isn't really one golden rule that works for every child, but there is some general advice I would give based on experience.
The WORST thing you can do if your child is crying is show them that you are unsure about leaving and linger. Children really do pick up on this and it makes them 200% worse! No self respecting nursery or nursery nurse would leave a child crying so be rest assured that although your child may be upset for a while, someone will be there to comfort and distract them.
Some people say you should always say goodbye to your child, even if it upsets them, but I disagree, it depends on the child. Some children will run into the nursery all ready to play and not notice mum has gone, by the time they do they have been distacted by something and are happy to settle down, whereas those same children would SCREAM if mum actually made them aware of her leaving, I've really known kids like that!
I think at the end of the day, nursery is not just useful from the parents point of view but it is a positive influence in a child's life.
Be strong, try and keep reminding your child about the fun things they do at nursery!

Lilysmum · 07/10/2003 14:08

My 14 month old has been going to nursery 4 days a week since she was 6 months old and still cries bitterly when I leave her, extending her hand out to me in a beseeching way. You just get hardened to it I think!

Freddiecat · 07/10/2003 20:58

My DS 18mths cries almost every morning - and it's got worse in the last couple of weeks as some new regulation means that over 2's and under 2's are separated. Since he's been walking (16 mths) he's enjoyed running round with the older children and now when I drop him off there's only babies there. There are some others his age later tho. He's been at nursery 6 mths now and sometimes he's fine and sometimes not. We were so upset at one point the nursery took a poleroid picture of him looking relaxed and happy just to prove he really is fine there! I also phone sometimes to see h#if he settleed

Slink · 07/10/2003 21:05

This will be the third week dd is at Preschool, she does cry for a while but it is not as long as she used to, i send her to school with her comfort blanket and promise her that when i pick her up we will do something special i.e go swimming, to the park etc. Not sweets and chocs though.

Teletubby · 07/10/2003 21:21

izzle - i think it's just a matter of time. My eldest daughter use to always cry and hysterically cling to my legs but once i left she'd immediately stop and be quite happy (i once waited around the corner and saw her do this!)I think the crying was done for my benefit and even now, 6 months on, she still sometimes cries and clings to me but is as happy as larry once i've gone. It's horrible and you feel so guilty but my daughter has benefitted so much from the interaction with other children her own age.

myweeangel · 04/09/2010 11:29

Thanks Artemis, good to hear this from one who knows.
My 11 month old is starting nursery this week. She had two days settling in last week, first of which was ok cos my hubby stayed with her. Second day was left off and we suspect by her red face and breathless sobbing when she was picked up (after just an hour!) that she was crying for more than the 5 mins the staff led us to believe.
Hope they are honest with us. We don't need to know about every tear but we do need to get a realistic picture of how the day has gone!

peachybums · 05/09/2010 22:26

When i was a childminder I used to get parents to stand outside and look in without the child knowing. Theyd see their child start playing after 10 mins or so and be happy to leave them knowing they are just crying hoping youll take them home lol. Ive never had this problem with DS and DD1 they seem to go off with anyone but i think im going to have problems with DD2 shes sooo clingy. It can be upsetting but he must like it if hes ok after a bit when youve gone may just be a case of him getting used to it. :)

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