"The girls." What's the difference between these?

[MaryMotherOfCheeses]

Is there a difference between these statements?

"The girls are going to a meeting about it" male colleague about more junior, but same age, female staff.

"I'm going out for a drink with the girls" Woman about female colleagues.

"That girl who's an MP around here..." Said by man.

And if there is a difference, how do you explain it to someone who "doesn't mean to offend" but is a bit old school.

a) would be women aged 30+ and professional. Not thick and there to be respected. Male is the new boss.

I'm wondering about the need to explain the difference because I don't like some of these statements. As you say, Mrs pickles, it's dismissive. But then, I don't have a problem with (b).

I can't properly work out why that is and how I'd explain it to someone.

I think it's because you're a little over-sensitive.

That's a bit sharp.

This isn't AIBU you know.

Is it because in statement A, it's about work-related stuff, while in statement B, it's about social things outside of work?

Statement A rubs me the wrong way a bit too. Is there some reason he didn't just say 'They are going to a meeting?'

Statement C, agree it sounds dismissive.

Sorry, I didn't mean it to come across as sharp, but I do genuinely think you're being a little (I stress the little) bit over-sensitive.

I work in a team of women aged 30+ and professional and our manager calls us girls.

But then she herself is a 30+ professional woman.

"drinks with the girls" refers to a non-hierarchical social activity and you can call yourselves anything you want. I wouldn't use the phrase myself as I don't like it, but that's just me. The use of "girl(s)" in the other two sentences is definitely patronising and dismissive and reveals a lack of respect for adult women. Girls always = junior.

BananaFruitBat - perhaps you are not sensitive enough.

More likely that I'm in denial about my age.

The women are going to a meeting about it sounds horrible to me.

Since when does girl = junior, I am a girl! lol I'm certainly not a boy.

I think that your new boss referring to a group of his contemporaries as 'the girls' is fucking patronising, and he shouldn't be such a twunt.

A woman referring to 'the girls' is more OK

Interesting. As a fiery feminist in my youth I hated being referred to as a "girl" once I was over 16 18, but now I'm 47 I'll quite happily tell DH I'm off for a night out with "the girls" when the youngest of us is 35 (and the oldest pushing 60). I wouldn't care for some young whippersnapper bloke to call us "girls" while we're out though - that has to be "ladies". Which, oddly enough, is another word I hated in my fiery feminist youth.

at myself.

I would never say "off for a drink with the girls". But that's my preference and unimportant. Otherwise, what mablemurple said.

At work I refer to my team (mainly women) as "chaps, guys, or "dare I say this, ladies"". But I would bridle at someone else asking me to put one of my "girls" on a job. Girls are still at school, in work terms.

Juney - did you not stop being a girl when you were about 12? Girls aren't adults, but women are .

I was a woman between 18 and about 35, I think. Somehow I got mixed up with a bunch of women bikers and we all became girls when we met up. I think it started as taking the piss out of ourselves, in a way - we knew we were not girls, we knew we were not ladies, but we still talk to/about each other using those terms.

Still at myself.

For me a) depends upon the language this boss uses when referring to men. I know a guy who regularly refers to everyone as boys and girls (e.g. "the boys and Sarah are having a meeting about X"). In that context, I don't think it's offensive. I think it's more if a distinction is drawn between the language used for women and that for men.

Then again, I personally don't get too worked up about this type of thing. I know it really bothers some people...

See, I'm with Judy on this one

It's ok if it's amongst equals of gender and seniority, but I do find the first one patronising. And the third is just downright rude. IME.

It makes me cringe every time he does it, and I know I'm not the only one, so I think I just need to find a way to raise it without sounding stroppy.

IMO it's ok to say 'girls' if you're including (or would include) yourself in that group, not ok if you're not.

So a) and c) are not ok! Very patronising and reveals their attitude towards women. They don't take women seriously.

i think it's not just the phrase "the girls" that's annoying about no 1. if he said "the women" it would still be bad - the point is drawing attention to the fact that it's all women - if a bunch of blokes were going off to a meeting (ie a normal situation, at least in my office ) would be be making a comment about "the men are going to have a meeting about it"? hard to know from the context but it sounds dismissive.
no 2 - wouldnt use it myself but not offended
no 3 - patronising but find it less offensive as its not about his colleagues (people say a LOT worse about MPs...)
that said i wouldnt make a fuss about it myself. worse things happen in offices adn anyone silly enough to use the word "girls" about grown women is silly enough not to understand why its patronising and to take offence at you for mentioning it. not worth it over relatively small beer