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Original poster

Am I evil?

15 replies

messalina · 04/06/2009 21:41

Is it awful if one of my main concerns when my 9 month old daughter is ill (with a minor bug) is that I can't go to work and have to spend the day at home with her instead? I work full time so perhaps I find it hard to adjust to the pace of a day at home with her. Or perhaps I am an evil, unfeeling cow. Spent most of my maternity leave thinking of things to do to make the days go by faster. Love my daughter to bits though. But maybe other mothers love their babies more because they seem to relish spending time with them...a little voice in my head sometimes wonders whether childcare is not sometimes a bit boring. And is it awful not to have got all excited about decorating a nursery before she was born? Or to have made her a little collage book of her first year? Or to cook her those Annabel Karmel recipes (I find spending outrageous sums of money on Plum Organic expiates my guilt.). Or to worry about her development? Errr....I have spent TONS of money on gorgeous pink clothes though, and toys. Most concerning of all is that I'm not even feeling at all guilty. But guilty at feeling no remorse.

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trixymalixy · 04/06/2009 21:49

No, I found the baby stage mind numbingly boring too. Now my DS is 2 it is great fun spending time with him.

sunburntats · 04/06/2009 21:49

nah not evil, imho
tbh i decorated and cooked the Anabel Carmel stuff but because i thought i had to and felt guilty for not.

Kinda took on board that having a baby meant that i wasnt important any more, priorities changed.

Even now, i get dh to stay at home if ds is ill. Dh is the main carer, during holidays he (a teacher) is off so he is sole carer, i put in extra hours for extra cash.

thisisyesterday · 04/06/2009 21:49

i think it's unusual tbh. but then i am a sahm and love it and couldn't even think about going back to work and leaving my lovely squidgy babies! so maybe not the best person to answer lol

Original poster

messalina · 04/06/2009 21:54

Yes, I think I would agree that babies get more fun as they get older. She has just started crawling and whilst this has its own problems, it is great fun watching her move around. And she claps her hands together which is extremely cute. I'm new to this, by the way, and want to start a new thread about how annoying Kate on the Apprentice is. How do I go about starting it? Wasn't sure what topic to put it under. And also, what do DS and DD stand for? I realise it's son and daughter but what's the D for? Is this just Mumsnet speak? And is DH husband? Mine has just asked me to iron a shirt as he will be home very late tonight. I haven't ironed in years. This could be a real challenge. Anyway, slightly off topic, but thanks for reassuring comments.

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wonderingwondering · 04/06/2009 21:54

I found being at home with babies a bit tedious, it gets better when they get older. But I still work p/t even though I don't have to, financially. And I got bought all the scrapbooks, albums - still sat in their wrappers in the cupboard. Not my thing, never has been. Don't feel guilty. Everyone is different - my husband pointed out that lots of women hate their job/working and just want to get married and have children. I always loved my job, so was never really going to settle to being a SAHM. But I love my kids to bits. Obviously.

Original poster

messalina · 04/06/2009 22:05

Yes, I guess if you hate your job, then you probably wouldn't want to go back to work. And it depends what sort of work you do, I guess. I'd probably miss my daughter terribly if I couldn't spend a bit of time with her every day. I have a job that works well with childcare and work near her nursery so I pick her up at 5.30 every day and we have two hours till she's in the land of nod. But my husband sees much less of her, and he seems to cope. I sometimes do wonder why so much fuss is made about mothers and how they feel, but people don't make the same fuss about fathers. If my husband manages to go off to work and not see his daughter for any extended period of time until the week-end, why shouldn't I be able to manage it. No-one ever asks him if he misses his baby, so why do they ask me?

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wonderingwondering · 04/06/2009 22:08

I know, no-one expects career men to want to spend all day, every day with a baby. But the expectation is that women do and if you actually want a bit more than litter stick and nappies, you're a bit odd.

CMOTdibbler · 04/06/2009 22:09

Not evil, and not alone.

wonderingwondering · 04/06/2009 22:09

glitter-stick (for the baby scrapbook), I should have said.... am distracted by the political goings-on!

Original poster

messalina · 04/06/2009 22:13

or lipstick if you're an MP.

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Mamulik · 06/06/2009 16:06

you are not evil, good thing is that you willing to talk about it.

feralgirl · 08/06/2009 21:55

Definitely not evil. When I was stuck in the house for the whole of Jan and Feb with a tiny baby and no car I honestly thought I was going mad.

I am quite looking forward to going back to my very demanding, full time career next month too. D(arling)H(usband) is going PT to stay at home and look after D(arling)S(on).

Orissiah · 09/06/2009 14:19

My DH loves our daughter to bits and relishes all the time he gets to spend with her - but he works long hours so sees her less than he likes. But he certainly doesn't feel guilty about it. he doesn't see the point of wasting emotion on situations he cannot change.

I take a leaf out of his book and now also do not feel guilty.

I found maternity leave very boring and was eager to return to my (very good and enjoyable) job fulltime. I love LO to bits but am looking forward to the time when she is older and we can do more things together.

Orissiah · 09/06/2009 14:22

Forgot to add, that I was a lazy mum - I spent alot of time with her, but loathed mother and toddler groups (hated endless conversations of sleeping and pooing) so it was good for HER that I went back ti work. Now she is with a childminder and other children and they do loads of activities and she is THRIVING. She is a happy baby with a happy mum :-) And I get to spend weekends with her (though I admit I prefer spending weekends with her WITH my DH!!).

Original poster

messalina · 16/06/2009 23:06

Yes, mother and toddler groups are really very boring. They should serve absinthe at them, not lukewarm coffee. It's not as if the conversations are that memorable anyway so a bit of alcohol-induced amnesia wouldn't matter and it would make things go with a bit of a swing. Not sure who'd look after the babies though. Perhaps drunk mothers could leave the babies with the poker-faced teetotallers. Perhaps I should start up a group. And those wretched songs!!!!!! Give me Steps, Candle in the f* Wind, Scooch (anyone remember them - class act!) but not bloody Horsey, Horsey again for the zillionth time.

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