Advice needed PLEASE re: issue at work, signed off sick and asking for meeting

[mykiddies]

At the moment I have been signed off sick by my dr. re stress related illness. This is due to an unbearable situation in work where I am being ignored/blanked by 2 work colleagues. I have been to see OM twice in the past saying this situation was unbearable and no-one should have to come and work in this atmosphere. The last occasion I went to see her she said we're going to have to get everyone together. I said I didn't see how this was going to solve anything and I just wanted moved away from them. She said she would speak to partner at the beginning of the following week, this did not happen. I went to see my dr. 2 days later and was signed off for 3 weeks. Today I received a letter asking me to meet OM/Partner 3 days before my sick line was up presumably at work to try and see if the matter can be discussed further and to see what can be done to assist me returning to work. As I was intending (if I feel well enough) to do so to go back when my line was up next week I rang OM to tell her this but that I didn't feel comfortable meeting at the office beforehand. She suggested meeting at a coffee place but I said if I am well enough to come back next week then can it not be discussed then. She said she would be off but that she would see if Partner could have a meeting with `Staff Partner' to discuss things and said what one of my options could be. My questions are:

1. I do not particularly like the staff partner. She is vicious. Why if it was ok before to just speak with OM do I all of a sudden have to meet with staff partner also. Is this a formal meeting? And if so why - I have not made a complaint and no-one has made one against me. Can I refuse?

Advice would be greatly appreciated.

I am so sorry now that I rang. I am sitting right now with knots in my stomach feeling sick and getting this letter has made everything come all back. Why couldn't they have just left it until I came back to work.

Also this is not my boss I'm being asked to meet. My boss doesn't seem to want to have anything to do with it. He is not in a senior position though so is that the reason I don't know.

so who is it that you're being asked to meet in the coffee shop?

Office manager and female partner in the department.

ok so what is the point of discussing all this if I'm being petty. Their joke was about me, sharing biscuits/sweets is about having manners, and I never said I wanted to socialise with them. I'm talking about what they do when I'm actually in work. I said the department will be socialising at the weekend.

Yes I would get on better with other colleagues but there is nowhere to move to beside other colleagues on the floor. No room.

So ruddynorah if I meet up what do you suggest I should discuss then? All I want to discuss is where I can be moved.

do you have an idea of where you want to be moved to?

i think portofino's idea of transaction analysis is an extremely good one.

I really think that you need to face this head on, no matter how hard that seems.

Go to the meeting.

Explain that you seem to be having some communications issues with some of your colleagues and despite your attempts at being friendly and polite, you don't feel very included at work.

This has led you to find the current atmosphere in the office very difficult to cope with. You're uncertain of how to resolve the problem on your own.

Explain that you really want to be back at work and would really welcome their suggestions on how things could be improved.

Try not to be emotive (though v. difficult I guess).

If I was your employer I would not want to be hearing about sweetie sharing etc. And from that point of view, asking to be moved to another job because you can't cope with a couple of petty girls would give a very bad message.

I realise you have had your confidence knocked for six, but you ARE an adult. You need to take a deep breath and get this sorted out. By running away from the problem, you are ENABLING the behaviour of the others. You need to tell yourself that they are not worth worrying over and get back to work head held high.

It will be hard, I'm sure of it, but you are BETTER than them. If it was me, I would go to them at the coffee machine, and say something direct to them along the lines of "I'm very curious about the way you are behaving towards me, have I upset you in some way?"

Sorry - did I kill this one?

Portofino when you say asking to be moved would be a very bad message you mean to myself right. Some people are stronger more confident than others. I am not. I just want to be away from them as I would feel hopefully much better being away from the situation. If that gives a bad message to other people then so be it because I am done with worrying about other people. I can't be direct with people in this situation. I am a quiet person. I just want to come in and do my work, be friendly and go home.

A move has been suggested and I have no choice but to agree because if I say no then they will say then what do you want us to do then. It is my only option. It's not to another job it's just down the hall away from listening to all the crap.

Sorry I probably came across as a bit harsh and I don't mean to. I sympathise with you and realise that the situation is making you really miserable.

If they have suggested that you move desks, then that is a probably a good plan. But maybe I just see this a bit from a "boss" point of view too. The situation sounds a bit "school girlish" on the behalf of the other couple and your boss should be helping you to address it with them.

God forbid they just get away with behaving like this and then moving on to treat someone else like it. Hence my remark about not concentrating on the fact they don't share sweets with you. You have the higher moral ground here, I think, and you should approach the problem with that in mind and come across as mature and professional as possible. Because you ARE, and they aren't IFYSWIM.

mykiddies - any update? did you meet your OM?