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Just some questions about working pt with an 8-12mo.

6 replies

CherryChoc · 22/05/2009 10:59

Sorry, this may be long. I'm not sure how I feel about some things and I'd love to get some perspectives/experiences.

Basically I wanted to be a SAHM/WAHM, but a job offer has come up which is very good for me - it's at the company I worked for while pg, they made me redundant but are now doing better and very busy and looking for someone to help out part time to lighten the load. We discussed this when I was made redundant as a possibility and I'm their first choice as I know the work etc. So I have a little time to think about it as they want to discuss with me before advertising for anyone else. It's a small company so quite friendly.

They've mentioned the possibility of me doing some work from home, which IMO would be the ideal solution, but I'm not sure how realistic it is, because the software they use costs thousands of pounds per licence and I don't think it would run on my laptop/home computer (which isn't a huge problem because my DP works in IT and so would be able to sort out an upgrade for me if it was for work - the main problem is them getting an extra licence for the software really)

So, the question of if I go in, is childcare. When I was pg, MIL said to me that she'd be happy to have DS for me for a few hours a week if I wanted to go back to work. It's a really generous offer and I am grateful, but something makes me feel uneasy about leaving him with her. I think I'm probably being unreasonable and PFB but it still stands that she has completely different ideas to me about how is the best way to bring up children. I know if I was looking for a childminder I'd be looking for someone completely opposite to her, so I'm worried we'll find it too hard to come to a compromise. However, she has now gone back to work part time herself and I don't know whether she is still able to make that commitment. I'd rather not bring it up with her just yet as she's like a dog with a bone and won't let it drop until it's sorted.

My other options are nursery or childminder, I guess. From what I've heard from other mums, nurseries all seem to be booked up in advance here with long waiting lists and the only ones with immediate access are not very good, also I'm not really sure about nursery at this age anyway, would be happier with a childminder who shares my kind of views (more AP type) - but are they hard to find?

OP posts:
Heebychick · 22/05/2009 12:52

Hi,

It sounds like you have a lot to think about!

I like the idea of having a balance between work and home life, when i had DD (now just over 2) i was determined not to go back to work, but TBH as time went on i missed being 'me' and longed to keep my mind active etc, so managed to get a lovely 3-day a week job which i adore and wouldn't now change for the world.

Our DD goes to nursery for 2 days and MIL for one day (my mum also has her sometimes but she is disabled so different situation) and i love this balance. I, like you, had doubts about MIL as she has different views but she has actually been quite open to how i feel and my wishes, plus i think it has been so good for DD to experience the different sides of childcare/ways to bring up children. I have sometimes had to use white lies and say things like 'oh my friend's mum hates it when .....' but actually been talking about our DD so tha the seed is planted so to speak (and i've been totally up front at times too!) but all in all it has been a great experience for us all.

DD loves nursery and i am about to go on maternity leave for bubba number 2 and will keep nursery going for her as she gets so much from it.

I think it depends on your own circumstances but they do benefit from all sorts of input and it is great for MIL/our mums to have some 121 contact too. After all you will still be the main carers and your values are the ones he will take on through his life.

Maybe try it for a day or so or an afternoon and see how you and she feels? Does she stick to your routine and food requests etc? Is DS happy to stay and come away again etc

Our DD was 8 months when she went to nursery and any earlier would of been difficult for me, i think whatever you choose he will benefit a lot from the mixed views and social time with the peers

Good luck with what you decide xx

CherryChoc · 22/05/2009 19:57

Wow, thanks for that long reply Heeby I don't really know what it would be like. This is going to sound silly but I've only ever left DS for one evening, and that was when he was 2.5mo - so I'm not sure how he'd be to be left etc. (Though I'm sure he'd be fine!) She's not very good at sticking to my requests wrt food when we go round so I don't know, but then I don't really feel confident enough to tell her what I want for him, I just kind of wait until she asks and then end up compromising anyway.

OP posts:
Heebychick · 22/05/2009 20:11

It is tough and i found it hard (and still do sometimes) to stand my ground, sometimes if i'm picking DD up i'll be trying to instruct her to do something (coat on shoes on etc) and MIL will come and take her away or start laughing at her playing up etc so i don't get to be firm with her or get her to focus on me if that makes sense?

Does she disagree with food because she thinks he should have something different or because of the way he eats or the way you feed him etc? i let my MIL feed DD whatever she wants as i know it's usually healthy and if they all eat together it helps with DDs learning to eat socially.
Would it be awful to let her have her way one day a week with compromise?

lechatnoir · 22/05/2009 21:48

Very similar to Heebychick in that when I went back to work after a year my DS (now 3) went to my mum 1 day a week & into childcare 2 days and I think it was (& still is) a really great compromise between work/home/family.

I would say for it to work with a grandparent being a regular carer you really need to either trash out any issues with your MIL before you start & set very strict boundaries/rules, or, express your desires but otherwise just accept that 1 day a week he's with his granny - it's different & not how you'd raise him but it is only 1 day a week and most importantly, he's safe & he's with someone who adores him (presumably ) which at this young age far outweighs any formal teaching or 'style' of care IMO.

LCN

CherryChoc · 23/05/2009 11:54

bump.. anyone else?

OP posts:
sobloodystupid · 28/05/2009 15:01

my gut instinct is to avoid the mil option as regards childcare. You really don't want to worry if she will be giving him unsuitable food or toys or whatever it is that is at odds with your own way of doing things with your child. If she's a lovely MIL in every other way, it'll make things difficult, if she's gone back to work part time then she may not have the time or energy and gives you a great excuse for not asking her if she's offended/disappointed whatever. I agree with lechatnoir suggestions though if you do go down the mil route.
Why not put your child's name down now for nursery in any case?

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