Work colleague being difficult....

[fizzpops]

OK I actually manage this person so it makes the situation more complicated.

This woman took over my job when I was on maternity leave. I wasn't too happy about her getting the job as she is a bit selfish in terms of allocating work to my team, would take a good project on herself but might think someone else couldn't handle the workload. I knew she was the only person really qualified though so I just emailed her occasionally during my ML saying, 'When I come back...' etc and asking her to keep me informed of things that were happening.

We needed a new member of staff while I was off but she didn't tell me our colleague had left and I found out from someone else, then she and my boss employed someone but she didn't give me his name or tell me anything about him until the week before I returned to work. She made the excuse that she had been busy and that is why she hadn't replied to my emails.

I returned to work a couple of months ago and the way things work at my job she has only just gone back down to her pre-cover pay. She has been complaining for ages about the fact she should have been promoted which I agree with and have done all I can in terms of emailing the relevant people but my boss has said that to do any more would be counter-productive.

She has been subtly implying things about the way I do things and pointed out a mistake I had made (which turned out not to be my mistake in any case) when it is something we all do wrong occasionally and part of the nature of the job. She told everyone in our departmental meeting that she had done a large part of my job while I was away and when I checked it it needed a lot doing to it. It might be that her methods differ from mine but there were spelling mistakes too.

While I was on ML she also took on a house for which she can't afford the rent without being on my salary, which makes me think she was just counting on my not coming back.

I have seen her have a bad attitude with other people, verging on rudeness but it is subtle enough and could just be read as feeling strongly about things.

Then I found out that our boss's boss has asked her to lead a big project. I am fine with it as I think they are doing it to appease her as she hasn't been promoted and it is not something I would enjoy doing anyway. What rankles is that if she was in my position she wouldn't want someone she managed to have that opportunity and she even said in interview that she wouldn't let them take on too much and then in the next breath was very enthusiastic to do loads of things. No-one else on the interview panel could see anything wrong with it.

Sorry to go on, and on, and on but I don't know how to handle the situation. It is so subtle that to blatantly say anything would just be overkill. I have in the past emailed my boss saying that I had found mistakes in the thing she said she had done and that was why it wasn't quite finished. And I have said to her in the past not to take on too much (she looked a bit bemused). I guess I just want some pointers on how to deal with her passive aggressiveness.

Hmm. I think you need to take her to one side and spell it out for her - Back off or else! although perhaps with a more subtle form of words. There's nothing worse than sour grapes. I can't believe all your bosses are trying to appease her. They need to show you some support. If having a quiet word doesn't work, then you need to take it up with boss.

Thanks for your reply. Unfortunately I think she just comes across as enthusiastic and ambitious.

She is due for a promotion as she has been the same grade for three or four years and has worked hard. Just hate when she is trying to make me look bad - it won't advance her case. There is nowhere in the hierarchy for her to go except my job and I am not going anywhere. As I am part-time I sometimes miss things that happen and I feel as though she deliberately doesn't tell me until later so I am constantly on the wrong foot.

The trouble is it is not blatant enough to say anything or I would have already said something at the time. She just makes her comments into a joke and so it looks churlish to take them seriously It is just the constant drip drip of comments. She will 'argue' about anything, even to the extent of disagreeing when I commenting on work I am doing and she can't know as much about.

She was caught out when I said something about an email that had gone round being detrimental to our department and she disagreed. I then told her that those were the reasons I had given for her promotion and the email made it look as if all the work I was emphasising was so important had finished - one of the only times I have managed to shut her up!

God, I hate people like that, so manipulative. She's obviously got a very high opinion of herself so perhaps you just need to wait it out until she makes a mistake then capitalise on it - subtley of course! The fact that you're part time will probably make you feel a little bit insecure, but it sounds like you're a valued member of staff - and remember - they cannot discriminate against you just because you're part time

Thanks, that is the one good thing about where I work once you are there you are there you pretty much have a job for life if you choose!

I make no specific comment about the issues or the people involved. HOWEVER, in terms of a solution I suggest you - either return full time or get another part time job elsewhere if you can. That is the harsh reality and I sincerely wish it were otherwise.

Sadly, women who go on maternity leave and come back part time are often no longer looked on in the same way as they were when they were full timers by their boss or their colleagues. I have several female friends who have had the same experience. Other MNetters on other threads I have read have had similar experiences.

It is unfair, I dislike it, I do not understand it, but it is a fact.

well in some ways i feel sorry for her
she did your job (well?) whilst you were on maternity leave, and is effectively being demoted back as they don't have a job to give her.
why on earth doesn't she leave?
the "project" sounds like a good idea imo. appease her, maybe they'll be able to give her a bonus for it.

her behaviour to you isn't acceptable, but i can understand why she's very frustrated and is probably the result of this. she works hard and hasn't been promoted for 3 or 4 years because as you say it "once you are there you pretty much have a job for life if you choose".

how do you handle it? well i would have it out with her in a nice way, say you are sorry there isn't another senior job for her and that the part time role is working well for you. kind of show her that her best option is to leave without saying like that of course!

fizzpops - x posted with you. I assume this is civil service or public sector of some sort. If so, finding another job of the same grade should be easier in another dept?

Hmm, this is a hard one. I'm lucky enough to be in the opposite position, my role was acted up into by a guy who did the job really well, handed over to me thoroughly and has been his usual fine, helpful, hard working self ever since but with no issues around me being his boss - probably the attitude that got him the position in the first place! I'm under no illusions he's looking for another job (and he doesn't really hide it) but will wish him well, give him an excellent reference and then go home and cry when he gets one!
Do you have regular appraisals? Can you make a list of specific 'development and training opportunities' for this woman? for example, effective delegation (if still relevant in her job). Working as part of a team? Communication and time management (too busy to answer your emails ). That should get the message across while coming across as supportive and career development-y. Hey if she wants to be passive aggresive, play her at her own game!

ABD .... I agree. I wish it wasn't the case, I love where I work and owe it (and my boss) a lot, but when I've had DC2 (my last planned baby!) I'll be doing exactly that to start with a clean slate

I agree with the 2nd poster. Pull her aside and tell her to stop trying to strengthen her position by undermining you. Tell her that she is enthusiastic and list off her good points and tell her that that is the image she presents, so there is nothing to be gained by scoring points off somebody who actually believes she deserves a break.

Hi, you have had some useful advice.

What I would say is that it must have been hard for her to have to effectively "report into" you by keeping you abreast of what was happening in the department. If it were me and I had an uneasy relationship with the person concerned I would have asked my boss for updates rather than her.

As she is on this project is it worth pushing for a change in her reporting line even if its only for the duration of the project. Good part time jobs don't grow on trees and if the only thing thats troubling you is her, then moving her on gracefully should be top of your agenda.

I do agree though that its hard being someones boss once they have acted up in your role. When I came back from mat leave I made it a priority to encourage my mat leave cover to use the enhanced skills and experience she had in a new position, even though she didn't do any of the above was better for both of us not to be in that situation.

I think tbh that she thinks I don't enjoy my job which I definitely do, but since having my DD my attitude has inevitably changed. It is both more important to me and less so.

I do think that the aspects of the job I do and focus on are the aspects that I was hired to do whereas she was trying to use the role as a stepping stone to other things. She can't understand me enjoying what most people see as the mundane aspects.

She did my job adequately when I was away but I take a real pride in those things which she just does because she has to in order to move on to something else. I have met with the same attitude before from another colleague who told me after 2 years she had got everything she could out of the job. This is probably true career wise but not in the sense of mastering it.

I have previously looked for jobs of a similar level and responsibility and would have to take at least a £10K pay cut just because of the pay structure (ex-civil service) and it would still mean travelling into London as our industry is mostly based there. This is also why she has not moved on. We are also not the sort of organisation which lends itself to sideways moves etc - smallish staff specialised in specific areas etc.

My boss is totally unaware of the fact that I am feeling like this and in essence there is no real actual threat just an unpleasant atmosphere for me at work.

I think at heart she is not a manipulative person she is just feeling frustrated and she is not the first person to feel this way. Her predecessor was also waiting for a promotion and the last person to hold that post was me, almost five years ago, so they are in no rush to create opportunities.

I am in charge of her appraisals and I do try and be a supportive manager. I like to think I give my team the opportunities at my own expense sometimes because I see my role as partly to help them develop their careers. There is only so much I can do and I have no say in any creation of new jobs. She is also taking it upon herself to 'manage' the person who was hired in my absence, so to encourage her to delegate feels like feeding her current behaviour.

I think if she says anything else I will try and think of something to say at the time rather than fuming about it. It is not blatant enough (as above) to warrant a taking to one side. I think that would almost come across as bullying. As I say I don't think she is conniving as her actions come across, more clumsy but the effect is the same.

rookiemater - only saw your reply after I posted.

Part of the trouble is that she doesn't see me as her manager any more - fine, I have never been authoritarian in that sense. And I feel guilty that she has been 'demoted' even though the only way I am to blame for it is by resuming my job.

I had an OK relationship with her before and was baffled that she didn't let me know what was going on. I didn't see that it mattered as she was actually there doing the job. I was in the same position before (got my job when my boss left after ML) and I talked to her during a similar interview process as a courtesy even though I didn't really feel I needed to. I also reminded myself throughout that this was only temporary and not to get used to the money. I know in the end I hold all the cards but I have done everything I can to make things easier for her and be encouraging and I feel that she is throwing it back in my face a little by taking advantage of the fact that I am not insisting on being 'the boss'.

Ah it seems like you have my problem, my boss said I needed to read that book " Women who worry too much" - haven't had the time to yet.

I think you do need to pull back a bit and start acting as her manager rather than anything else as unfortunately your healthy desire to promote an empowered team is being somewhat misused by her.

If you want to be really nice about it, then take her out for lunch and position it in a friendly thanks for holding the fort, few things I want to run past you type way, but ultimately you are her manager and until you rein her in she will keep on acting this way.

Not that I'm the world expert as have two team members with performance issues at the minute. Arrgh, why can't people just come in and do their job properly without all the need for drama.

I agree rookiemater, it really falls to me to be a bit more distant. The trouble is I dislike being unpopular and this is still true even though I realise she obviously has no respect for me and my attempts to help her.

A physical distance would help but unfortunately she moved into my office and we are relocating to another office where she will be nearby as well. Thinking about it this is a large part of the problem - too much exposure to each other!

Yes I'm sorry I know it might be tough but sorry. She knew when she acted up it was temporary - as was the money, and having experience of someone who has done it I know that if you're professional about it then it is possible to move back into your old roles happily!

may be try and talk to her outside the work, somewhere in cafe or pub. she could be just stressed as everybody else and have nothing personal against you.

I had almost exactly the same situation when I returned from maternity leave after the birth of my first child. The person 'acting up' in my absence then had to go back to her old role and was resentful of it. She subtly and not-so-subtly undermined me at every opportunity, and the whole thing became quite ghastly. I can't tell you what to do, as I don't think I handled my own situation very well, but I will tell you to keep very detailed records / a diary of everything she does and every time you perceive her to be undermining you. This may sound extreme, but if it escalates and HR get involved, you will need it.