Miserable and anxious about going back to work, please remind me why its a good thing

[BadgerQueen]

I know I am lucky to have a job at all and especially one that many would envy and its only three days, but I really don't want to go back. I have really enjoyed this last year at home and I can't bear the thought of being away from home. I have enjoyed my Dcs so much and made so many great friends - people who are bright and kind and care about kids - life seems so good in many ways. I don't want to go back to horrible office politics, bad management, funding problems, ill advised projects and an uncomfortable job-share and I couldn't really care less. Added to this after childcare and travel I will be taking home next to nothing, so all I can see is life getting more complicated and difficult, for almost no gain. I am getting a bit stir crazy but a little boredom seems a small price to pay for a better life with my girls.

Please can someone tell me why I am doing this, why its important I can't find anything positive in the situation?

If you don't like your job and the financial rewards are not going to be worth it, then why are you not considering staying at home?

I returned to work, and that was because I loved my job, enjoyed being back at work, and had felt very lonely and isolated at home.

From what you have written, I can't imagine that you will have a happy time at work if you do go back. It sounds as though you will miss your dcs, and will get few benefits from working.

If you are a little bored, are their other things that you could do? Volunteering for something in your community? Become involved in a local group?

Managing work and young children is a hassle. It is worth it if you enjoy your work, and your approach to it is positive. I don't think it is a good thing if you are hating it.

Is there anything that could be done to make your job better? I work, but generally enjoy my job....and it is STILL bloody difficult doing the juggling.

Also, although you are earning little, you are remaining active in a career and building a good base to move onwards and upwards if you wish - which is harder to do if you opt out completely.

Are you just seeing all the negatives about work because you've enjoyed your time off?

Is it really that bad? If so, I think I'd be looking to get a better job!

As far as returning to work goes, well, any kind of change is always a bit unsettling, but it doesn't mean it's wrong. 3 days a week is nothing really - it's what I did when my children were small - and it means you're home for 4 days a week.

Once you're back, you'll probably start to see all the positives of working - the money, the fact you have adult conversation outside the home - and probably most importantly, keeping your foot in the door. If you give up work completely you may end up a few years down the line really scraping around for work, or taking some job that's way beneath your skill level because you won't have the recent experience or confidence.

3 days at work = 4 days at home

doesn't sound so bad to me

It's a crap time to go back with summer about to appear around the corner. Think of winter and being trapped inside all day .

Thanks for responses. It really isn't that bad, its just that I really don't want to do it. I can't care about work and I can't get past the feeling that the amount of effort and disruption to my girls is not really worth it not to bring home any money. I sound like a petulant child, but DD1 went back to school today and then settling at an After school club and DD2 went to lovely (really couldn't be better) childminder, but I still feel like I am grieving. I know the balance is good, I am lucky to have good child care, my job fine essentially etc etc, but I just can't feel it. God I sound pathetic and whingy, but I am overwhelmed by sadness and very tearful (not in front of the children obviously - relentlessly positive there!. I hate it when other people do this I know I just have to get on with it, its just I am sad.It will pass I suppose. Didn't anyone else feel bad like this or am I just spoilt?

I find it easier when mine are at school tbh. It's when they are on holiday I find hard because I think of all the nice things we could be doing together.

It is hard that it doesn't sound like you really need the money or need or want to work. For me, I didn't have a choice but to go back when I did as I out earn dh at the moment.

But I'll be honest with you and say that in the current economic climate, a 3 day a week, not so bad job is the most brilliant situation you could find yourself in! you will almost certainly find the 4 days you get with the children, you will enjoy SO much more and even though you won't be clearing much over the childcare at first, over time, it will contribute more and your children will both be at school in the not so distant future and everyone will be very at your flexible hours job.

You need to start seeing the positives in it as Violet said or you're going to make yourself quite unhappy I think.

Fox you are right, of course, it good to hear the reasons for working set out clearly, and they are why I am going back. To turn it around I have been trying to think how awful it would be to give up and find myself bored and disgruntled and broke in another year and have no job (and in this climate no chance of a job) to go back to. Actually we do really need the money (we are mortgaged to the hilt and probably in negative equity - I daren't look) - but it feels like we survived this year and I won't be bringing anything in anyway - I am actually worried that it may cost us for a while. i am going to have a really close look at the money again, because in my head I am taking home "nothing" which may not be completely accurate. The fact remains though i do not currently feel the need to work, but maybe i am fooling myself.

I am going to remain ambivalent about the job because returning has got complex. I have to go back to a contractual dispute the minute I get there and as is common for women returning after maternity leave, my job seems to have changed/shrunk and be staying with the mat cover person in some kind of job share [hmmn] - but hey maybe there will be less work - trying to see the positive here!

Thank you for the reasonable responses and for listening. Reading the thread back makes me see how unreasonable I am being, but i suppose its just part of processing change.

hey, you're not being unreasonable at all

it doesn't sound like the best job and it sounds like you have a fab time with the kids. There is something about going back to office politics and dreary work rules and regulations that would put anyone off .

I tell you the best thing to focus on when you have a bit of a shit job and that's the time you do have with the kids once you're home. And 3 days shouldn't be too much to ruin your whole week.

I also hope that once you're back and have your feet under the table you can look for something better, even if it's a move within the same organisation. Always keep in the back of your mind that it's easier to get another job once you're in one. Far harder to start from nothing again.

I do 3 days at work and 4 at home so can reel off some positives for you:

• you get more time at home with your children that you are at work. Obvious I know, but really useful to remind yourself with if you start feeling that you're letting them down in any way, or are missing them lots

• as others have said, you egnuinely do enjoy these 4 days more because of the contrast with work days

• you get enough time at work to feel that you can still do a decent job and make a positive contribution in your organisation

• office politics are not so wearing when you're part-time I find

• your flexible hours now may well be able to be negotiated at a later date when your childcare needs change, which is easier than tring to find a new job around particular hours

• when you are in work you are far more able to pick up contacts, eperience, information etc about better jobs - I hated my previous job after I reurned from 2nd maternity leave but stuck at it for a yer and it led to my current job, in a totally different organisation which I now adore

• the extra money will make a difference, as will the job security

• you can still catch up with your nice new mummy friends on your other 4 days, or make an effort to see them occasionally in the evenings, and you'll have more to talk about with them

• (shallow) you'll have an excuse for buying smart new clothes, make-up and getting your hair done

• you may be able to squeeze some exerciseinto your working day, which may be easier than trying to do so at home?

There you go, are you convinced now?

More convinced - i know you are right - a friend also said you can have nice sandwiches without anyone throwing food on you and an uninterrupted coffee/trip to the loo - all of which sounds good! Managed to have a nice chat with someone at work today - just called in to see if anyone had actually managed to clear a desk for me (unlikely)but she was fun and gossipy. Girls went in happily to school and settling with CM, so in reality its all okay, but I still just feel really really sad all the time - not even sure why now! The job really isn't shit - and if I told you everyone would say "it must be lovely doing that" its just we have very very poor management and policies and some basically psychotic senior staff and i don't want to have my head filled with their crap and bullying behavior (hence the contratc problems). I think i am going to try and let it settle until September and see how it goes and then start looking for something else - maybe even something different.

Keep telling me its okay - its really helping!

Glad you're feeling a bit more positive; one thing that perhaps will help a little is thinking about the fact that you DO have a choice. if you go back and your feelings don't settle down, then as you say you can look for something else, or even give up work and grow your own veg (or something) to cut your costs at home and do some training towards something different.

I think you really should sit down and work out what money you will make and what your costs will be. If you really are making very little that needs to be taken into account when you decide your next step.