No income, how to justify childcare?

[JFly]

After a year of maternity leave, I resigned from my job in the arts and am a full-time Mum to my DS who is 12 months old. I have no family in the area and no childcare arrangements apart from an occasional babysitter when DH and I go out together.

I would like to have some regular time away from my DS on a weekly or two-weekly basis and I have an opportunity to hire a nanny for a few hours a week. My DH is OK with this, as long as we find savings elsewhere; nanny will cost about £50/week. Also, there's an expectation that I use the time "wisely".

Of course I could use these few hours to get my hair cut or do other errands that I can't do with DS. But, I really need to be productive. Not necessarily find a job, but take a course or do something that will lead to an opportunity to make money. At the very least, justify the expense of childcare.

I could pursue some interests - photography, cooking, crafty things, interior design - but I need to be really thoughtful about what I ultimately choose to do. I want to develop skills, not just interests.

Two issues here, I guess: 1) what do I do with my life (because going back to career is not what I want to do) and 2) how do I justify having childcare?

Just what I was thinking profiterole.

Does your DH do any childcare - i mean really it should be him letting you have a couple of hours away from DC on a weekly/two weekly basis if you need it.

Can you afford the £50 fairly easily? if so no need to justify it really.

The other question - what to do with your life - is a touch more tricky! Why not pursue an interest to start with and see where it leads?

Justify it to DH, I suppose. Or to our family finances. DH makes a point about how much I spend, so I know that he has expectations that I do something with my time that will lead to me making money.

I'm sure DH would be willing to look after DS in the evenings (rather that than when DS is awake ) so I could go to a course then. But I also think DS would benefit from being looked after by someone other than us occasionally. I worry that he's a bit too attached to me.

No, that's a point - DH doesn't do much childcare. I go out in the evenings once or twice a month, but it's rare that I leave DS with DH during the day. On the weekends I really want us all to spend time together. Otherwise I tend to feel trapped in my neighbourhood! We can cut out some other expenses to make the £££ work.

I worry that my interests aren't skill-based enough. Or that they're not practical In These Economic Times . Photography, interior design, etc, are luxuries that people are cutting down on now. I need to find something that is interesting to me, and a necessary service to others. Wow, that sounds quite boring!

jfly that you aren't really getting a break and feel that if you want one it has to be to do something practical, rather than fun or relaxing.

Maybe see if your DH would be OK with having DS for a couple of hours next weekend to go out somewhere (anywhere!) and take it from there?

Got to go for a bit now DD wants me to play with her (damn inconsiderate of her )

If you wanted to do something out of your current world, and usefull - what about volunteering at the hospital?
I know it's not high brow or lucrative, but sitting and chatting, passing drinks etc to a little old lady who hasn't had a visitor for 3 months means something.
It's a thought!

Aw, thanks for that Sham. I don't want to be that "martyr Mum", so I know I need to just get out and have some "me time". I will start with getting DH to do more childcare. It's a slippery slope, otherwise, to doing all the parenting all the time. Oops, I already do that!

I think part of me feels I've sort of lost my interests in the last year, and I feel a bit shit about that. I'm smart, so I should be able to do more, be more than "just a Mum". And I also feel I should be able to write without constantly using quotation marks.

But making money is a part of it, too. I want to have my own income so I feel better about spending money. I just need to find my niche.

JFly - if you can afford it, then just do it and don't worry about using the time wisely.

My DH works all the time and I don't have people near me to help. My DS goes to nursery 2 mornings a week so that I have some childfree time, and at first I agonized over what I would do with the time constructively...would I write? Learn Japanese? etc.

You know what I do during those mornings? Mostly I just get my head together and mooch around. Headspace! I've noticed that it makes me a calmer and more involved parent.

When you need to do something constructive, skills wise, you'll know, and you'll try to find the time to do it.

For the time being, give yourself a break and take the nanny.

I like it, Tree. I used to be so into volunteering, but the few times I've tried to do it in the last few years I've found so many barriers within the organisations. Not the right skills, not the right time commitment, etc. Hospitals tend to give me the heebee geebies, but it's not a bad place to start. Too bad there aren't more lucrative do-gooder activities!

If you can afford the childcare, enjoy it!

Lie on the sofa with a face pack and eyelash dye and toenail varnish drying and read an improving book...

See, I feel like I have time to relax in the day, for the most part. But I'm bored. There, I said it. I know I'm not supposed to admit it (and daren't say it to DH or it's BACK TO WORK for me!) Getting out without DS will help.

So it's not merely a need to be productive or earning, I need some mental stimulationand a change of scenery. My former job wasn't very challenging, although it was my Chosen Career. I don't want 9-5, I want to be creative, use my brain and speak to adults. I guess this is for ME, but ultimately I want it to benefit US.

What are your qualifications?

Bit tricky to read an improving book with eyelash dye but other than that I agree with Anna, I did much the same.

JFly, I think it's really tricky with full time child responsibility to even think about making money. The only ideas I've had to make money (and I haven't put any of them into practice) are:

• find something to sell on ebay
• make home cooked meals for new mums and family or people who are time-poor and want healthy food
• teach kids yoga classes (i used to teach yoga before ds was born)

I have a babysitter for 2 x 3 hours a week and it is barely enough to drop by the shops/ clean up/ haircut etc. I think if I was going to try to earn proper money, I'd need a lot more childcare. I think there will be enough time once ds is old enough to go to preschool/school and then i can try to do something 'useful'.

You do need a break though, and i don't think you need to feel like you're being that productive honestly. DH prob just doesn't understand how taxing it is to look after young children, maybe leave him for a whole day and see how he copes. he might be more supportive about you getting time out after that!

If your DS is one, why don't you consider a nursery instead of a nanny? That way he'll be playing with other children and you'll feel less of a need to 'justify' anything, as it will be for his benefit, not yours.

Failing that, why don't you just get a part time job? No worries about justifying it then.

DS waking now, so will have to come back a bit later.

@Anna: BA in History of Art, MA in History of Art and Digital Technology. I was "under-employed" for years before finally ending up in national museum doing exactly what I trained for.

Thanks for input, ladies! Keep those ideas and thoughts coming.

Because "ideas" and "thoughts" are so hugely different. Oy. I need to get out more!

If you are an arty or crafty person, why not learn some skills that will allow you to make things that you can sell or use? It might not be a very high income, particularly to start with, but it might also lead to saving money. How about learning to make clothes, or knit, or similar? If you have a look at websites like etsy there are people selling all kinds of amazing handmade stuff. It sounds like you don't desperately need the income so it could be a sort of investment for the future to allow you to earn something later on?

Could you volunteer at a local museum/gallery, maybe on a digitisation project? I'm sure they'd love to have someone with your skills and you may then segue into something in the heritage/technology line which is pretty big atm

I think you should have part-time job, its no good just sit at home

If you have skills in photography then there is still a market in children's portraits. People are cutting back but still want professional photos at different ages.

Back after Easter.

MollieO, is photography something you have experience in? Children's portraits is an area I'd like to explore. I worry that equipment expense (at least initially) would be quite high. I've got a great camera, but need Photoshop.

Anyway, there are a lot of good ideas here, I just need to really think about what I want to do. I keep going back to my creative side, so that's probably where I should focus my efforts. I agree that if I find something I'm happy doing, the money thing will come when I have more time in the future.

Oh, and I've got a facial booked in for Saturday, so DH is on duty. Still thinking about the nanny option, but am realising that one way or another it will be good for both me and DS to have a break from each
other.

I have a friend who is a photogropher. She loves it. She does absolutely everything. From Shoots to parties to taking amazing pictures of herself in the mirror hehe.

You should go for it. Enroll in a course at a college for 1 evening a week. Like a 'better yourself' project if thats what I can call it. Your already qualified so why not take up an introductory course in business, so you can set up your own. You can get funding for this. Theres an internet site that gives out grants just to mothers going back into work (so no need to justify it to DH). I will try and find the name as I was only told about it today.

The government are giving grants to small businesses at the moment, so enquire at www.direct.gov.uk.

This way you may be able to get your equipment. You can use a room in your house for the 'studio' and save money this way.

Go on ebay to find equipment too.

You can start doing peoples parties (childrens parties if you like) with an ordinary digital camera. You can then sell the pics/dvds to the parents. I know a few families that do this kind of thing now.
You could call yourself 'Treaured Moments'.

Treasured i meant lol