Selfish for thinking about going back to work??

[SuzeMcG]

Hi,
I have an 11 mth old DD and am in the lucky position of not having to go back to work yet. The plan was to stay home with her until she was 2, then look for a job.

However, the company in which I worked before she was born (in a contract role) are now looking for a permanent member of staff. I liked it there, the people are great, it is a short tube ride away, the salary is good, etc. But we have no family here and my DD would have to go to nursery 8-6, five days a week. I am concerned this would be distressing for her and would be such a change.

My DH is putting me under no pressure to go back to work and I think he would prefer that DD was a little older before going to nursery.

My concern is that there are never loads of jobs in my area, even in a good economy, and if something interesting comes up, I should apply. Of course, I may not get the job anyway.

I probably am being selfish for wanting to go back to work when I don't have to and I am leaning towards withdrawing my application.

Any advice from mums who went back to work and regretted it? Or mums who didn't?

I presume there is no chance of you requesting part time?

Whether you work or not is up to you and how you feel about it. It's not something people can advise you on easily because it is different for everyone. Especially as it's a choice issue in your case, i.e you are not desperate for the money. Go with your own instict. But fwiw, I would say that they are only small for a small time and if you are happy at home and you can afford it then deal with next year, next year.

You are not selfish for wanting to go back to work if you don't have to. Not everyone who goes back to work is doing so purely because of financial reasons.

You could apply for the job and see how you get on, taken you can make a decision later.

Any chance they'd consider part time or a job share?

I have done both. With my first I went back to work after 14 months, and with my second I stopped work for 5 years. I don't regret either choice It is a very, very personal decision, and what is right for you now won't be the same as what is right for others, nor even for you at a different point.

I was a SAHM for 4 years and if I could have my time again I'd go back a LOT sooner.

Having that long out of work meant I had to work enormously hard to get back to where I would have been had I not stopped working(and this is without factoring in a recession). I wish I'd gone back a lot sooner tbh.

I don't think it's at all selfish to want to work, no-one ever suggests it of men do they? Could your dh take a year out if he's that concerned for your dd's wellbeing (my dh did, he was a sahd for a year).

I've just gone back to work now and DS is the same age as your DD. He is at nursery 8 -6 every day (except weekends). I've found it surprisingly ok but I think I have been able to pin point two reasons why it's working;
i) I love my job; and
ii) I'm happy with my childcare (after a shaky start).

If either of those things were wrong, it wouldn't have been the right decision. So I guess you need to ask yourself whether you could love work as much as you love being at home with your daughter and what childcare arrangements you can make.

Not sure if that helps at all.

then you can make a decision later, blimey am half asleep

Just my experience - don't know how much it helps to hear it.

I went briefly back to work when DS was 11 months, which had always been the plan. Even though I went very part time, it was stressful and I was so unhappy with his nursery childcare that I pulled him out a week before I went back and then had to find a CM at very short notice. The long and the short of it was that after a month, I couldn't make the childcare work, and so took my full entitlement of unpaid parental leave to give me time to sort something else out. On day 2 of the parental leave, I thought "What am I doing?" and ditched the idea of return to work. In so doing, I was ditching a career move that I really wanted, but I didn't care. (Having said that, the long term prospects in that post weren't brilliant, though the role would have been a stepping stone to something else) I have had an absolute ball at home with DS, and don't regret ditching the job, except for nanoseconds a day. This is not some paen to home and hearth and suggestion that all women should do it, but it's worked for me.

I think one practical thing it would be worth your while thinking about is whether you want any more DCs and if so when. Will you feel able to take your next maternity leave at the time you would hope to? Would the money work out right if you needed to pay for two childcare places? Of course, this is all irrelevant if you plan to have an only.

Go and see some nurseries and CMs and see how you feel about them. Also, if there's any possibility DH could go part time or give up work, you should discuss it - not enough men even consider this IMO!

Hi,

I went back to work part-time when dd1 was 5 months old. When she was 18 months I was offered a great job full time. I was also doing a qualification part-time. We got a nanny and it worked out brilliantly.

Of course there were times when I was totally overwhelmed, but at least I felt I had choices about what I might give up - and in reality never had to make those choices. What feels momentous one day can feel much less terrible a couple of days later.

We wanted another child but it took another 5 years before I got pregnant. We still had the same nanny and I went back to work after 3 months (so that we could keep her employed).

We all have to make our own choices - my choices worked well for me. I hope you make happy decisions.

I went back to work part-time when ds was 7 months-three days a week. It was tough at times-mainly due to the nursery-good when he was little but when he reached 2 they seemed to have difficulties managing his behaviour! (day care-with young girls and a high turnover of staff)
With dd I took far longer to return to work-and then again only three days. Ds was at school by then-and I had a nanny for her. I found this much easier as she was at home, which I preferred.
I have just returned to work full-time as dd is now in full time pre-school (she was 4 in October). I find fulltime work really tough-there is a lot to juggle and sometimes I feel that I only get the dog ends of the day with the children.
It is a very personal choice-just make sure that you are happy with your childcare-this will ease the worries significantly.

Hi, thanks for all the replies.

I've been thinking it over and have decided to spend the next year with DD (she will most likely be an only so I should enjoy every minute). I'll start to look for a new job after Christmas.

We don't have any family here so have no back-up with childcare and the role is full time. I am keen on a nursery nearby, I think she will love it there.

There is no possibility of DH going part-time or taking time off. I don't think he wants to either. He seemed quite shocked that I would even consider going back, which made me feel very hard-hearted!

I'll keep in touch with my former colleagues and maybe something will come up when DD is a little older. I don't want to go to the interview and then turn the job down (if offered it, of course) as I feel I'd burn my bridges.

I'm just concerned that two years off work is going to go against me, but I suppose in the grand scheme of things, it is such a short amount of time.

Thanks for relating your experiences.

suzemcg-you will probably not regret your decision-they are only little for such a short time and you will never get this time again with her. I don't think you sound remotely selfish.

Wrong thread! Argggh.