Please tell me it will get better!

[EyeballsintheSky]

Background, I've been back at work since the middle of January after 13 months off. Work is busy and stressy but ok in itself but I hate having to leave DD. I dropped her at nursery this morning and drove to work sobbing, I have a splitting headache and can't concentrate and this happens every week.

We are totally skint so I need to work but, having talked to my dad about all this, we have worked out that after tax, childcare and travel, I work three 12 hour days per week for the grand total of £5000 per year which seems ridiculous to him. He has offered to pay me £5000 a year to stay at home with DD. He's the bestest dad by the way, always doing stuff like this and helping out. I'm lucky having great parents and PIL.

I don't know what to do. I love my job and if I ever worked I would want to work here so am unwilling to let it go. But it is so much upheaval for DD for such a small sum and I don't feel comfortable with it as it is.

So, what would you do if you were me? Any opinions would be welcome and I hope the sum of money discussed is small enough not to have put anyone's backs up

DD is 14 months btw

Thanks annie. Someone else's thoughts are what I need.

Not so worried about taking his money. I know that sounds awful but it's difficult to explain the way money works in our family. Taking the money would not be such a big deal as it might be in another family. We have a very odd approach to each other's money! I am concerned about the long term implications to my parents but he isn't. He's very casual about it and believes that money should be available when you need it, not years down the line when we're settled and sorted and he's lying in a box.

Shorter days aren't an option, they are already bending over backwards to accomodate job sharing, plus I commute into London which adds on time.

Regarding childcare, MIL has DD one day, she's at nursery one day and my mother has her on the third day. For half the year MIL works and so my mother will have her for two days during that time. We have already changed nursery once because of a change in DH's job.

Another baby is on the cards as soon as I can afford to give up work because childcare for two round here will definitely cancel out any money I earn.

It all sounds very negative the way I'm saying it, as if I've already made my mind up but I haven't really. If leaving DD gets easier then great.

It should get easier...and working (even for a relatively small sum) has other benefits, social interaction for you, identity as more than a Mum, and socialisation for DD just as a start.

So long as you are happy with the childcare, she will start to love it.

One other thought..is she picking up on your emotions when you leave her? They are very astute

And finacially a budget that is $10 over is vastly different to a budget that is $10 under.

If I were you and you have the option to give up work, then I would. I too have a long commute and the nursery DD was in was fantastic both of us loved it. But now I've just had my second baby and will be going back to work for very little money once travel/childcare etc is accounted for. I'm desperately doing sums to see if we could cope if I stayed home. For me it would only be a short term thing till DS was at school (so 5 yrs max).

Its a hard decision for you to make, although from experience when I had my DD and returned to work after about 3 months things settled down and it didn't seem so bad. Maybe give it a bit longer and if you still feel the same in a few months then just go with your instincts and do what is best for you and DD