How can I keep going?

[littleshebear]

I have been in the same job for nearly three years - it is for a large charity. It is unbelievably stressful due to the workload and the client base. I currently work 4 days a week but often do some work from home on the other day - if I don't, I just think about work. We have been through a major reorganisation , which has been very traumatic, and I have been bullied by one person and had issues with another which has made me feel very low.

I had to reapply for my job last year, except it isn't my job any more, the workload has increased dramatically and so have the targets.

The bullying issue has been partially resolved but I had to take out a grievance to do it - even though there are long standing issues with this person management won't address it until someone complains.

I had asked if they would consider offering me a development opportunity(won't say what, as don't want to identify myself) and have hung on for over a year waiting for a reply, to be told no, because they don't think I will manage this and my normal role.In fact, it is only the motivating factor of doing more challenging work that has kept me going over the last 18 months or so.

I have four children, and three nights a week and every Saturday have them all on my own as DH works.I am worn out all the time.

Since learning they will not offer me this opportunity I have lost all motivation and feel and out of control at work- but - I can't just resign due to financial pressure. We have never really recovered from redundancy /own business setup a few years back and I have to keep working.

How do I keep on going when I cannot bear it? I feel low and tearful a lot of the time about it, but really don't want to give up/go sick - I want to get another job and leave on a positive note. But not many jobs out there!Has anyone else gone through this? I have to add that I know they will be sorry when I go - I have always had really positive appraisals and know there isn't really any problem with my work, but I just feel useless at the moment.

I know this is a long whinge, but really I need some words of encouragement and any ideas on how to keep myself from resigning until I get another job. I feel like a piece of overstretched elastic.

I understadn what you are saying about this other project and have been in a siilar position myself recently. However if you are already having to work so hard they have made the most senisble decision, although why it should take so long I don't know.

It may be worth telling them a little of how you are feeling about work as this gives them the chance to do something about it.

I think though you do need to do something positive for yourself and do somehing to stop yourself from snapping (which is how i feel right now to ) I told my boss yesterday how I was feeling and we ahve been able to put some actions into place which I really feel will help. It has included giving some of my work to another person but do you know what eveb though it was hard to admit I slept a bit better last night! This certainly wasn't easy for me, and inside I was screaming nooooo its my work i should be able to cope!!!! But I know its going to be better for me.

The less pressure you have on yourself and less hometime you have spend doing work and you can spend that time and energy looking for that new job.

hth x

Thank you lovebeingamummy. The problem is that if I complain about my workload, nothing will happen, due to the nature of the work.If work is taken away from me, I will not meet my targets, which is more pressure. It is hard to explain about the other project without giving more detail than I would want to- it is actually something I would have been able to do as it is more of a training opportunity which I could have done alongside my other work, and which would have motivated me and provided long term development. It would have been hard but I know I could have done it.But I think you are right when you say I have to do something about it - I just don't know what! Apart from looking for another job, which I am doing.

littleshebear I am sorry, I saw your post last night and fully intended to respond during today because I do have some comments and advice but I completely forgot and haven't got time now.

I will come back tomorrow.

It's not acceptable for it to take a year to get you an answer about the project you wanted involvement in, but the answer they have given you sounds reasonable, if you are not coping with your current job in terms of workload to the extent that you are working on your day off, that's the right decision, however demotivating it might seem. You say you could have done it alongside, but really, from what you are saying, that doesn't sound realistic at all, and wouldn't have been responsible of them to allow.

You need to talk to someone at work, ideally your manager. If this situation isn't tenable for you, it's not in anyone's interest to allow it to continue. You need to do what Lovebeingamummy has done and speak to your manager about all these things, and work out between you some actions that can be taken to make things a bit easier. Having you signed off with stress isn't going to help anyone, and if you are right that they would miss you if you went and have no problem with your wokr, you have no reason to believe they wouldn't want to help if they can.

Is there an employee assistance line or similar that you could ring? Is there someone nice in HR you can ask for support and advice on dealing with the situation?

(If you are looking for alternative work is it the end of the world if you don't meet targets for example?)