Having one of those doing two jobs badly days...

[Wonderstuff]

I'm soo tired, not being very effective at work, got loads on, marking piling up. Dh is away, dd threw a total wobbly when I dropped her off this morning (dh normally does this and dd got confused) so I was worrying about her all day. It is all calm and dd in bed now, but I've been really stressed last couple of days and I only work 3 days
How do people do full-time responsible jobs?
I really want to go back ft at some point, but I don't know how it would work. DH just landed a job which means he will be away almost every week for a night or two. I just couldn't do that could I, not that I want to but I really thought (in my feminist utopia) we would be equally responsible for dd, but we obviously aren't, I am mother first, worker second and for dh its the other way round, he isn't being difficult its just the way it worked out.
One of the consultants at the hospital has 4 kids, how do people fit careers like that round children? I'm a teacher and the women with school age kids are out the door as soon as possible, have real problems with evening events and none of them are in management positions..

Sorry for long unpunctuated rant, think bed soon (pours wine, medicinal you understand)

oh god same here - off work all last week as dd had stomach bug, now it looks like she has chicken pox so I'll be off again, am almost ready to throw in the towel, or will they fire me first?
The women I have known with high powered jobs and >2 children have a lot of staff, at least a nanny...but no doubt somone will be along to say they manage somehow.
So much depends on your partner and their job too. Dh and I try to share sick days 50:50 but as he works full tiem he has more time to 'make good' the lost hours.
Anyway, rant away...

"how do people fit careers like that round children? "

they have serious backup!

I thought I was the only person in my new office with children, as I'm the only one dashing out of the door at 5pm. It turns our half the office has children, but they also have their mothers doing all the childcare, so I'm the only one frantically scrambling to get to nursery on time.

If you don't have a replacement "you" at home, (nanny/granny/decent au pair at least) then yes it is mother first, work second.

My mum works ft, mil is 'me' once a week, maybe I will have to call on her more often. Surely even nannies will only do so many hours a week?

I feel really selfish for wanting to get my career back, I thought it would go on hold for a couple of years, but by all accounts it doesn't get easier when they start school, am I going to have to wait another 15 years?

personally i think it gets harder when they start school, shorter days, holidays, inset days, off sick, then there is the homework, after school activities etc etc..
it's hard.
i'm of the belief that something has to give. am busy trying to work, insufficient childcare, tip of a house, neglected hubby etc... sometimes i think those of my friends who kept their high powered job and paid plenty for a good nanny had the right idea. I tried to have it all - work pt, use nursery and career subsequently suffered. Then again, i want to be around and i want to work too. maybe it is me trying to have it all...

I had no help when they were little. 22 months apart. my mother worked ft and didnt want to know..........my mil has never worked thoroughly disapproved and didnt want to know.

DH worked abroard for 2 weeks at a time and was often uncontactable.

Despite that I managed round nursery hours and worked my way to the top of a 10 million turnover business alongside all men.

I have no idea now how I did it BUT what it does mean is that now the dc's are at school and I have very healthy finances I have a FT live in nanny, a cleaner 12 hours a week and a gardener one day a week. I would not function without and would not be prepared too either. Having said that I still got home at 9pm last night and cooked my own supper..........

Then again my sil sits on arse all day and also has the same level of help coz she cant cope.

We are all different. But you do have to get help if you go back full time as you cannot be in two places at once and you will need a replacement you at home if you are serious about a good career.

And yes it is much harder when they get to school.

gosh that sounds very negative...........sorry. I meant it to be realistic.

Good luck. I have loads of tips if that helps..........mainly based on all the mistakes I made along the way!!!

A consultant at a hosp that I know of with 4 children has a SAHM wife, cleaner and childminder

Sounds like my sil and then she can't afford to pay for her joliday and pil bail her out.........ggggggggggrrrrrrrr.

Thing with teaching is there is never going to be enough money in it for a nanny. My mum retires in a few years, so that will be a help and mil will be more willing to help more when dd is school age, she wouldn't approve of me working ft I think.
no1andno2 I can understand your frustration my ex sil is actually in a better financial position than me, being on benefits for the last 5 years!

End of the working week today, dh is back (not that that means less to do) have resigned myself to a weekend of essay writing and lesson planning. I love my job and I've started an MA course which I am really enjoying.

We need to get mega organised I think, and I need to accept that it is never going to be fair, I can get him to do more but the buck will always stop with me.