Is it selfish to put your own happiness at work over your dcs' needs?

[itchyandscratchy]

I really don't like my current job (in that it makes me feel unhappy and stressed and brings on my IBS symptoms on a daily basis). However, it's very close to home and the childminder, it's well-paid, I get to spend my day off with my youngest (3) and pick the other up from school twice a week.

Another job has been advertised in what I believe will be a place much better suited to me which I want to visit and apply for. It's modern, forward-thinking and friendly and is in a lovely environment. BUT it's a 30min drive away. I'd only take the job if I could work 4 days like I am now but I feel terribly guilty for even considering this, which will be more hassle for me and dh as far as home goes, but will probably be better for me.

The dcs love their childminder and are settled, happy and well-adjusted. I'd still be able to pick them up from the CM by 5 or 5.30 the days I'd work.

Am I being unrealistic in even considering applying for this job?

30min drive isnt excessive at all.if current job is responsible for deteriorating health,time to change

oh and dont mention the 4day week until you get post.pass the induction/probation etc.then negotiate

hassle is a painful condition like IBS,not driving in your own car for 3omin

good luck

I don't think you're being unrealistic, or selfish. the negative effects of a job that makes you ill and stressed extend beyond you and into your family.

you could apply for the job and, at some stage (never been sure when's best) discuss hours - perhaps you could maybe even get slightly less than 4 days, or could do one day from home finishing at 4 and then making up the shortfall in the evening. there are lots of possibilities. and I don't think staying in a stressful job is good!

Good lord, a 30 minute commute? No other changes or upheaval to your dcs at all?

No you're not. Go for it with a whole heart.

From where I'm standing, 30 minutes doesn't even really qualify as a commute - just a journey to work! I'd say go for it - there really doesn't seem any reason not to. Happier mummy = happier kids and happier DH. Everyone's a winner!

Go for it.

I guess I've been wrapped up with thinking how convenient it is working so close to the dcs and home but really, there are so few people that would be in this situation anyway that 30 mins is what the majority of people would have to consider for their journey to work anyway (at least)...

Unless you're an absolute saint there's no way a job that makes you that unhappy isn't having knock-on effects on your family - even if it's not making you snappy or moody it's probably making you less up for fun on your day off and the weekend than you would be otherwise. Go for it ... anyway, considering applying for it, applying for it even, does nothing, if they offer it to you you get to agonise all over again.

I'm 20mins commute from work. DH does the dropping off and I do the picking up, so I can work a full 8 hours, and do this 3 days per week. I think you'll be manage your scenario just fine, and if you'll be happier in another job, then go for it. It can be done.

I'd love to find another job, as we have so little to do at the moment is mind numbingly boring, but I'm not in a position to do so, so go for it.

YANBU!

Your happiness is important too!

I was miserable in a job wirking 4 days a week so I applied for and got one which is basically full time - though I can do 2 school pick ups as school and work are very close. My choice means I am much, much happier - but I don't get as much time with my toddler. I don't she is suffering - she is very settled at her nursery - but it is a cost. All forms of work have a cost - childcare, time or wear and tear on your nerves - you have to decide what is the least 'costly' option for you. A job that is so awful it is making you ill sounds like to high a cost to me!

Remember as well - right now your children are at school and time and pick ups and so on are big issues. In a few years the confidence and financial well being your work brings you will be more of an issue for them. My dds go to after school club etc now - where they are perfectly happy. In 7 years time when dd1 wants to go to university or whatever it will be dh and I paying for it and I know they will be jolly glad I've worked now - as will I!

I would kill for a 30 min commute. I don't even understand how it would be different for your kids? How would they know?

I've got a friend in a similar position to this. She has done the commute to work thing before and is unsure about giving up the ease of a job literally round the corner for one some distance away. But if the job is going to be better, I think you should both go for it. What you don't want is to change jobs and end up in a place you are unhappy in which is a distance away from home but I think you both need to do your research carefully.

Good luck!

Children are happier when mum is happier. Go for it!

Children are happier when mum is happier. Go for it!

I also live close to work and my childminder,so i understand the pluspoints.I think you should give this job interview your best shot as it my be the change you are looking for- if you are happier physically and mentally it will have apositive impact on the family- you sound like a very thoughtful caring mum

Agree with the others that 30 minutes is nothing really.

Sounds like you'll be far happier in the new environment, and contented mum= contented kids so go for it!

it makes sense doesn't it?

Dh says he never knows what sort of mood I'll be in when he gets home. I don't get snappy but I feel very pre-occupied and down in the dumps some days, but then others go better and I'm disproportionately happy (some might say 'hyper'!)

Two nights in a row now waking in the middle of the night then unablke to sleep again for over an hour, going over work-related nonsense and I can feel my body getting tense as I do it. Not good.

Will ring other place now and get an appointment to see round in a few days. That will help me decide as well - I'll get a 'feel' for the atmosphere.

TBH I think how happy you are affects you child as much if not more than how much time you are together.
I don't work but I agree with everyone else.
We have a duty to try and model happiness for our children - showing them positive fulfilling lives. Or how else do they learn anything other than you grow up, you get miserable.
Go for it.