"I am feeling very unwell" - 'What's the matter' - how much do I tell my boss?

[beanieb]

I have worked for the same company for 9 years and in that time have had less than 2 weeks in total off sick; this included the death of my dad which happened while I had time booked off and for which I only took an extra two days compassionate leave. I didn't 'claim back' the holiday.

Recently I have had some issues with anxiety. Yesterday I ended up crying at my desk so told my boss I was 'feeling very unwell' and asked if I could go home. She responded with 'of course - what's the matter?'

I appreciate that she needs to know that I am unwell but I am wondering how much should I be expected to tell her?

To be honest I don't want to go into details about my anxiety and depression or why it is happening and I felt a little put out that she seemed to need a reason as I couldn't just reply with 'I hace a cold/migrain/stomach upset'. In the end I told her I was feeling very stressed and unwell and that I wanted to book an appointment with my doctor. Should she be expecting me to go into greater detail?

No, she doesn't have to be told any more than that. I think it was very brave of you to be honest about it and I'm sure she will respect that.

I think it's really hard but, as an employer, it is a natural reaction to ask someone what is wrong. Mostly out of friendly concern (in my case anyway) but also to get an idea of how long you might be off for and whether your work needs to be covered. If someone told me what you told her, I would simply send them home and let them know they could talk to me about it if they needed to. I don't think you needed to tell her anymore. However, if you find the need to be signed off, it would be readonable to expect to discuss this with your boss. She should be asking if the anxiety is work related and seeing if there is anything she can do to help. What I'm trying to say (very badly!) is that you told her all she needed to know.

I hope you will be feeling better soon.

I think that, as it was immediately following "of course you should go home" it was just normal human concern for someone who has said that they are ill - not a 'management' thing.

You have every right to keep it private (although, of course, you will need to follow company reporting procedures for absence in due course, which may require a reason) but I think you did the right thing and went into the right level of detail.

Also, as Bradmissus said, if you are stressed and anxious, the reaction of a good manager will be to want to understand whether it is work related and what support she can offer, so it is probably a good thing that you have said. It is really easy in these situations for the lines of communication (even if they have been good in the past) to close down between manager and employee, and that is absolutely the worst thing for getting the issues resolved and you feeling better (if there is a work related slant, but even if there is not - if you are depressed, going back to work can be a challenge even if the work isn't the problem).

Is your sick leave paid? I agree with everyone else that it is natural and proper concern of a manager to ask what was wrong, and you shouldn't hold that against her, and also that you don't have to give details if you don't want to.

But if they are paying you for your sick leave they might want/need an actual reason, and looking forward, you will have to give something if you do end up getting signed off for a bit longer. It's also a good idea to give more if you can, if that happens, so that your manager can give you appropriate support, particularly if there is a work-related element to it.

I think it was just your manager showing normal concern, with no element of doubting your genuine illness or whether you should be going home.