Stuck in childminder vs nursery dilemma and want a nights sleep again!

[EmmyJo]

I started looking at childcare options while I was pregnant and my first child - my DS is now 9 months old. It's been a really really hellish process for me and left me feeling very confused. I decided early on to return to work 3 days a week when he was going to turn 8 months and looked for a childminder quickly as thought he was too little for nursery. First childminder I found who I liked was wonderful but didn't have a space. She put me in touch with another lovely minder who a few weeks after agreeing everything with me realised she couldn't fit my DS in her car with the other kids she cares for. Finally after endless searching I then found a lovely lady who took him and he had been with her for 3 weeks. He found it hard but was slowly adjusting and I was beginning to feel a little bit OK with the situation. Then a few weeks ago she announced she was having an operation and since the op she hasn't recovered. I have been off work since feeling very low and totally demoralised with the whole situation. I ring round childminders but all the people I've spoken to can't offer the days I need and my trust in them and any enthusiasm I had is pretty shot to pieces. I'm sure there are lots of great minders out there but so far they seem like a really tough option to make work part-time with an under 1 year old.

Sooooo... with a very heavy heart I took my DS to a settling in session at a nursery this morning. He cried a few times but was generally quite happy and the staff were lovely and offered me lots of reassurance. I also realised that he found the environment more stimulating than the childminder's house he had been in. The other babies seemed pretty happy too but I just can't get my head around how nursery works for such little ones (especially when they cry out for a cuddle!). I feel like I am losing a grip on my job which I love and even though the childcare situation has felt out of my control I worry that I have not done the best for my DS at all.

I am on the verge of agreeing to the nursery but am terrfied that it will be too traumatising for him and that he won't thrive the way he has at home these last few weeks with me off work. Has anyone got any expereinces of nurseries for babies this young that might help ease my anxiety??

Oh, your message made me want to cry for you. It really is so hard trying to get things right for everyone. The responsibility and the guilt is huge.

Not sure if I've got much to say that's constructive. But how about going back to the original child minder that you liked just to check that things haven't changed for her? Then put yourself on her waiting list in case they do (I'm a CM and can say from experience that things can change very quickly and places come available unexpectedly sometimes)

In the meantime how about asking other Mums in the area what they do? You could get recommendations for nice nurseries or minders that you hadn't heard of.

Sorry if it's no help but just wanted to give you a bit of support.

Thanks for the support. Quite a few other mums locally are going for the nursery I saw today but not until their babies are older (1 year plus). The original CM can take my DS from July so I guess I could fall back on that then if nothing else has turned up!

My DS went to nursery from 4.5 months - he loved it from the word go and has thrived. They have an absolute maximum of three babies to a carer, and most of the time they have two or less awake each, so plenty of cuddles and love, and he was really attached to the staff.

He is now 2.8, and a very well attached, confident, bright toddler who still adores nursery and all his friends

One thing to bear in mind is that you are not 'stuck' with the nursery if, after a while, you don't feel comfy with it. I've found with my two that what works at one stage/age isn't nec right forever.

Like you, my first child went to a nursery to start with as the cms I liked weren't available. I was really happy with it when he was a baby, & think the baby room staff were fantastic (bumped into one of them in a shop a few months back - & she still remembered ds by name, and his personality 4 years after caring for him, despite the fact that I had totally forgotten who she was!!) But when ds got to toddlerdom & I had another baby, I revisited childminders, and found one I liked.
Three years down the line, and we moved again .... and are now back with the cm I first wanted for ds 5 years ago
Unless you are very lucky, you may well find that you need to keep assessing childcare as you, & he, grow & change. This is no bad thing!

I do, by & large, go for cm over nurseries, but I think you have to make decisions on individuals - sounds like you've found a good nursery, and that's surely better than a cm you don't feel you can trust....

hi. You said that one cm couldn't take your Ds as she couldn't get him in the car along with her other children - so i'm guessing there would be the same ratio of staff to children with that cm or at a nursery. Still enough cuddles to go round!
My Ds loves his nursery and the staff there. He is very fond of all the staff and picks and chooses who he goes to depending on what he want, be it cuddles, tickles, quiet time etc. I feel quite strongly that he isn't missing out on attention just because he is in a nursery setting.
I think the key to it, is to find somewhere that feels right for you and your ds.

That all makes so much sense. If this experience is going to have taught me anything I guess it is to trust my instincts, remain flexible and make decisions based on the individuals at whatever setting can offer a space. We're visitng the nursery again tomorrow, for longer this time so I'll see how we both feel after that!