When you work and have children do you spend your ENTIRE LIFE feeling this conflicted?

[Bumblyumptious]

Hello everybody! I went back to work three days a week two months ago. I love my work and am trying to build up a relatively new career. This might mean that at some point I have to go up to more days per week.

The thing is, EVERY DAY I feel so conflicted. Not working is almost unthinkable (financially and otherwise) but I also hate leaving my DD with her CM (she's not settled very well as yet).

So what I want to ask is, is this how it's going to be, forever? Will I always feel this tug in two different directions?

It doesn't help I think that in my sector (I'm an academic) if you want to work less than full-time you're seen as not really serious about your career. But that's not how I feel, it's just that I'm very serious about my DD too! I wish every day that I could literally be two people, one at work, and one at home!!

BTW - I don't think it's just in the academic environment that part-timers are taken less seriously. I think it's endemic throughout industry/business as well.

hopefully she will soon settle with her cm.

Hi Bumblyumptious (& others)
I am an academic too. I went back to work FT when my children (twins) were one year old and was happy with the nursery that they attended 3 days per week. My HoD was wonderful in letting me work flexibly around this and DH could help during the day too. At 3 years old, they went to 4 days per week at nursery, at four, they started school.

Now six, I still feel mildly guilty about it all (but this is a constant state of parenthood I feel) but very pleased that I never gave up my FT job. What has happened over the past 6 years is that Ive had to accept that I won't be very 'high-flying' for a while - I am managing to gear it all up again now. In the long-term, I feel kids are more important than length of publication list. I did get promoted last year, so it is possible to still be recognised.

In my experience, the necessary ingredients are a supportive HoD, childcare you are happy with and realistic expectations of what you can achieve during their early years.

Another colleague was PT for many years, became FT when her youngest turned 8 - and is firing on all cylinders now and doing very well.

Bumbly, I have managed to be an academic and be high flying, but it has been achieved by being a time management, prioritisation and delegation obsessive and really quite stroppy tbh. I also have a great husband who loves and appreciates what I do, and currently a boss sent from heaven (although it was not always thus).

I think what other posters have said about making sure your kids are happy is the key. Also if you look around, many f/t people work from home on Fridays whenever possible, and this helps an enormous amount.

Frankly you don't get professional jobs much more family friendly than academe, so I suggest you keep on trucking. Just go for a lectureship and then start fiddling about with the hours once you have your feet under the table. And always work smart rather than hard.