Any advice re return to work / nursery / logistics?

[FlapjakFairy]

Hello, hoping that someone will have a blindingly obvious practical solution to my dilemma!

I am due to return to work in a few months. I am keen to go back for myself / career reasons - fortunately I don't have to go back for financial reasons (although it's the "choice" part which is causing the issue, and DH is quite keen that I just stay at home).

Anyway, my issue is this: work have been pretty reasonable and are close to agreeing a 3 day week for me. However that's three days of working 9-5. I don't think reduced hours (even over more days) is going to be an option. I have approximately an hour commute each way. I have found a nice nursery for DS about 10 minutes from where we live. I did look at nurseries nearer work, but ruled these out as if I drive in, chances are he'll sleep in the car for most of the way home and bedtime will be problematic, and the train is just a nightmare (jam packed at rush hour, and no disabled access at small local station so would need to somehow get pushchair over railway bridge each morning - have tried this one.... never again!).

In order to be at work in time, I will have to drop DS off at nursery at about 7.45am, which I think will mean getting up at 6.45am at the very latest.

The very earliest I'll be able to get there to pick him up is 6pm. In order for him just to get enough sleep each night, I reckon he'll have to be in bed by 7pm. That gives me one hour to get him home, fed, bedtime routine etc. It seems far too tight to me, and leaves no time for just playing etc.

I did look into childminders, but couldn't find one who could work such a long day on those 3 days (round here they all seem to have a day off through the week... is that normal?). A nanny might be an option, but I really wanted him to be in a nursery environment with other children, as he has only adult company at home.

He'll be 10 months when I return to work. Does this kind of schedule just sound like too much for a 10 month baby? Will it get harder or easier as he gets older? I can't work out if he might need a bit less sleep and be able to stay up a little later, or if he'll just have learned all kinds of diversionary tactics and it will be even more difficult to fit everything in. I don't want his days (even 3 days a week) to feel like a mad rush and for him to hardly see me for those days (it would be Tues - Thurs, so not spaced through the week).

Suggestions / advice / comment welcome. I'd love to know how other people in this situation manage things. He's my first so I've really no experience of how this might be in practice. DH will help out as much as he can but he's away with work a lot, so I can't really rely on him being here as part of a regular solution.

Thanks in advance

I work 3 days per week, Mon-weds and went back when dd was 7mths old. I drop dd off at about 8.15 and collect her at 5.30, so fairly similar to you ( we leave the house at 8 and get back just before 6) Dd is usually in bed at about 7.30, although sometimes we manage 7. Luckily she goes to my MIL so a bit easier. And she's 3.9 now. From my experience I'd say plan quick easy meals for the days you are working (i'll make up something at the weekend for a Monday or take a Bolognase out the freezer etc.) So you can get something cooked quickly. I don't bath her every day, she just has a wash when we're short of time and she's tired. She plays with dh while I'm doing tea so gets some playtime, and will have a little play with me after tea too. But it is hard, she tells me she misses me and I wish I didn't have to rush about on those days. I wouldn't have gone back at 7mths if I didn't need to financially, and I would have done 2 days if I could have afforded too. Its hard work but you can manage. And at least you'll get 4 days at home with him.
I'd also agree about trying to avoid a long drive home with him, I've done this and its so hard to wake them up and then they get so cross and won't go back to sleep!
I've just remebered when dd was younger she didn't have a proper meal with us obviously! I provided hot food for her at lunch and she'd have her baby food, or beans on toast, pasta portions etc aleady made, so just a few mins in the microwave in the evening, therefore less time cooking and more time playing.

tbh 3 full days is better than 5 half days (trust me i know). If you do this route you wont get to spend any time with him on those 3 days. thats the reality of it. however you get 4 full days to spend with him, which will be lovely for you both.
when i went back to work initially dp was dropping me at the station at 7ish, then dropping ds at nursery at 7.30, then picking ds up at around 6pm and picking me up at 6.30 ish. 5 days a week for 5months. well except for the days when ds had caught the latest bug (seemed like every week!) from nursey.
unfortunatley we both need to be earning, so i now run my own business and ds is with a cm 5 mornings a week instead.
If i had the choice I'd have stayed at home and had more babies!

I did the same hours and days as you when I went back to work. However i started just to have 30 mins for lunch and leaving half an hour earlier to get home - is this an option? You're still doing the same hours.

Also is it possible for another relation to pick up your dc before 6?

As for your dc's dinner, my dd's nursery gave her dinner about 4 (it as optional) - i found this a godsend as it meant when we got home, the hour between 6-7 was purely for playing as there was no dinner to be sorted/dishes cleared etc. Could you do this? Or even ask the nursery to giver the main meal of the day at lunchtime and pre-prepare a snackish dinner the night before and put in fridge?

Just ideas - but your scenario is identical to mine!
Now have 2 dc! But remember those early days well!
Good lucK!

thanks for replies, really helpful to know what people's experiences have been. we don't have family close enough so unfortunately that's not an option (although my mum has, bless her, offered to come and stay for 3 days each week.... but i haven't even dared tell DH that, i know what his response would be!!).

they are great suggestions about the nursery doing tea, or him having a hot meal at lunchtime. it doesn't provide food so i guess if i got organised i could send proper food to be heated up for him then.

LittleB, it had honestly never even occured to me that i didn't need to give him a bath every day - also a great time-saving suggestion! I think I just assumed (slavishly following baby manual) that i should as part of his bedtime routine but thinking about it, one little person isn't going to be THAT grubby - I'm sure the dirt is centered on hands and face!

I work OTH 4 days and one day from home. My DS gets bathed on that day and once at the weekend. It is fine

Have you considered a CM? Mine gives my DS proper dinners at 5pm on the days he's with her and there are other children around for him to play with. And she's a lot more flexible on days if the tube gets delayed (she doesn't charge me extra basically).

My DS was originally at a nursery but I have found the CM to be a much better solution.

Will nursery give breakfast too? Saves alot of time in morning, we can wake DS up, milk, wash, dress and out of house in 15mins!
I take no lunch break so can leave earlier.

If you can afford it I would choose a nanny over nursery. The nanny can take your child out to lots of things to meet and play with other children, and you don't need to rush around in the morning getting him ready. I wouldn't worry about too much adult contact if he's with a nanny, just make sure that the nanny takes him out and about a lot.

I've been back at work for four weeks, also with a long commute and I agree with Thrifty. I have accepted that Mon-Weds I will hardly see DD but I have Thurs-Sun to spend all day with her. It takes some getting used to but it seems to be working fine. She does get tired and bad tempered but has forgotten about it by Thursday morning and then we can forget work and snuggle up for a lie in. Makes me appreciate those times far more than when I was at home all the time.

My ds does those hours 5 days a week from 11 months' old. Seems ok, along with all his other friends who started around the same time/age as him.

Choosing a nursery closer to home than work is a good move.

If the earliest you can pick up is 6 pm, that is very tight. You need to have a plan B if you are delayed eg traffic, work. Do any of the other parents at nursery live close to you? You could perhaps work out a reciprocal arrangement or pay them. Alternatively check the nursery's policy and rates if you are late. Mine costs £6 per 5 min. over, I believe).

On an ongoing basis, can you build in some allowance for yourself by, say, officially cutting your lunch hour from 1 hour to 30 mins? I did this and pack lunch from home to save time.

I have an aupair who can paper over any emergencies, but it might be a bit of overkill for you with one baby in ft nursery.

I went back to work when ds was 6mo (then statutory) - although I don't have the same length commute as you. We got up at 6 to leave sufficient time for a feed, getting up, breakfast, and getting to nursery and work. Normally we dropped off at about 7.50, although sometimes earlier (as early as 7.30). By then, ds would have had some breakfast at home, and would have more with him to eat at nursery. I would leave work at 5ish, pick dh up and collect ds - normally just before 6, sometimes slightly later. At home speed was the essence. He had been fed 'tea' at nursery - but would still need more food - pre-prepared, frozen or chilled, ready to reheat quickly and easy to go down - upstairs by 6.50 at the latest and in bed theoretically going to sleep at 7.15/7.20.

You need to think to yourself that (provided that you've got the right nursery) your child will have been happy and playing during the day - the hour and a half you will spend with them in the evening, they will be tired and just needing food and love - you will have four days when you can spend all day with him.

The good news is that ds has started school this year and has settled down very well, has lots of friends etc.

My son does similar hours, except I do pick him up earlier on occassion. I provide breakfast and tea so no meals to waste time at home. He also doesnt have a bath everynight.

Its workable. its a case of being very organised. Get yourself a slow cooker too so tea is ready for you after putting him to bed.

I'd second suggestion for taking a shorter lunch break, although some employers may baulk at you taking NO lunchbreak (statutory guidelines 30mins???).

I bulk cook meals several times a week on non-working days, and freeze small portions ready for DS lunch on his 3 nursery days - so all I have to go night before is take them out ready. Then, because he's had 'proper' meal at nursery, we might just have soup & sandwiches in the evening. My nursery is happy to give breakfast, which may help too.

I've sometimes been late picking DS up - eg at around 5.50 or so, then have 10 or 15 min walk home. It totally depends on his mood what he is like after - at one point he was plain tired/not wanting to eat; if so, go with the flow, yoghurt is usually best 'tired food' option. Other times, like last week, he has loads of energy and will happily stay up to 7.15/7.30 before we get him dressed for bed.

Having a nursery close to home is also useful when you're ill, as I've already found out!

Oh - DS is now nearly 18mo, but was 11mo when he started at nursery. Goes 2 days from 8.30 to 5.30(ish), and one morning (to 1pm).

I also have slow cooker! Otherwise if you bulk cook & freeze, make pasta sauces/soups/stuff that can heat up quickly, preferably stuff that you can all eat together if your LO has not had their tea at nursery.

Agree with numptymum about nursery closer to home especially when you are ill.

And yes shorter lunch break. Maybe agree a earlier finish time with 5pm on rota basis

Hi numpty, under UK health and safety rules, employees are entitled/statutorily required to take a minimum 20 minute break if working for 6 hours at a stretch.

Here are some things that worked for us in the early days of getting used to the whole nursery/commute malarky:

Lay out all clothes the night before (yours and dc)

Set the table for breakfast as much as possible (I even used to put coffee in the coffee cups to save precious seconds!)

Make pack lunches the night before

Use a slow cooker - absolute god send

Sort out your work bag and nursery bag the night before so that there's no last minute rush to find car keys/tissues/purse etc

Accept that your house will most probably be a mess for those days you are working!

Shop for groceries online and have them delivered so that your time at home can be spent with dc instead of trailing round supermarket.

I skipped a lunch break and ate at my desk to save time.

Get used to setting your alarm clock for 6am!

Basically, we just organised everything the night before (including dinner for the following evening). This made mornings far less stressful, there were fewer tears and I arrived a work ready to work instead of a being a ball of stress.

It's hard going back to work, but it gets easier when you find a routine that works for you. You'll find your own ways of making work days a little easier, but hopefully you'll find some tips here to get you started.

Good luck - hope it all goes really well!

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING ROUND LIKE A HEADLESS CHICKEN? Didn't you mention in your OP that you have a DH!- what's his contribution to this? Can one do morning drop-off (thus get to work a bit lateish and then finish a bit lateish) and the other one (who has started work early and thus can finish early) can do the evening pick-up.

Hi there, I agree with bouncingblueberries, being organised is the key. Also, Senua has a point, can your dh do a pick up/drop off? My ds is at a childminders (ok, slightly different, but still got logistics to sort out) and I drop him off at 8am, then go to work. I do shift work and don't finish until 10pm so dh picks ds up at 6pm. The cm gives him his dinner at about 4-4.30 so all dh does is give ds a banana with some milk before bed and then bath and bedtime. He's usually in bed for 7-7.15. Can you ask if the nursery do an afternoon meal so you don't have to?

Another alternative.. could you do a nanny share? That way your ds is still with another child/other children but the logistics might be easier.

Hi there,
loads of good suggestions on here. Am just a bit surprised the nursery you have chosen doesn't do food. Unless you are dead-set on this one, I'd look around for one that provided food as it is a life-saver.

Also, very sensible to have nursery close to home as opposed to near work. We went for the latter and it has caused me no end of hassle, esp when I was pg with ds2 or ill. Like you, we have no family close by, and dh works an hour in the opposite direction, so finds it very difficult to do any pick ups.

Like others have mentioned, I hope your dh can do some pick ups/ drop offs for you.

Thanks for your suggestions, will speak to work about cutting down lunch hour, and investigate slow cookers...

bouncingblueberries - I am going to print off your list!

It is a real pain about the nursery / food situation, but we live in a fairly rural area and there is not much choice when it comes to nurseries for babies (more choice once he is 2... but that seems a long way off). The only one I found which provided meals had too many other drawbacks for us to consider it.

Re DH, to be fair to him I'm sure he'll happily do some drop offs / pick ups when he can, but this week he's in Italy, next week he'll be in Denmark... he's basically abroad for at least some of the week about 2 out of 3 weeks, so I need a solution that works without his input. I did obviously know this before we had DS - but I don't think I really realised the practical implications (not that it would have made any difference to our decision to have a baby!).

Hi FlapjakFairy i am a registered childminder with a vacany , i would say a childminder would be better than a nursery (not just saying that cos im a childminder myself) i just think your child still gets to socialize with other children and they get more one to one with a childminder and also we take them out, nurserys can't offer these things.Also i find it strange that a nursery does not provide food (i provide breakfast,dinner,tea and all snacks and drinks)
Just my opion of course its your choice. If you have any questions regarding childcare or using a childminder you can email me on [email protected]