Coping with bullying line manager

[Campaspe]

I would be grateful if anyone can give me some advice on how to cope with this situation.

I have been a civil servant for 17 years (yikes) and always received good reports. After coming back from a period of maternity leave, I dropped from full time to part time - 22 hours per week. At the same time, I began to work for a new line manager.

It quickly became apparent that she did not think it was feasible to do my job of a manager on my new hours. She holds her weekly meetings with the other managers on one of my non working days, so that I miss out on what is going on. I have asked her to change this so I can attend, but she says that the business can't fit around my part time hours (fair enough I guess, although I do feel isolated and out of the loop).

Things got worse when I got a bad report as she felt that I was not managing my work area effectively and using my time well. She gave me a huge lists of tasks to tackle, and I have done my best to work through them. However, our working relationship has deteriorated and I am now feeling very unhappy and - pathetically - scared of her, as all she seems to do is pick fault with everything I do.

I have tried to discuss this with her, and tell her how I feel, but she feels that if I cannot cope, I need to think about being demoted (I don't want to do this after 5 successful years in the grade I am).

I feel I cannot lodge a bullying complaint as she does not shout at me or insult me; everything is a little more subtle than that. I cannot go above her as she is the most successful line manager in the country at our work, so her superiors rate her. I am not the only member of staff who feels this way.

My next hope was to leave, and I began applying for other jobs. Unfortunately, despite advising me that she would support me in moving on, as it was in her interests not to have a part time manager, she has given me a lukewarm reference that will make it difficult for me to move on.

I'm stuck. I'm depressed and I don't know where to turn. I don't know any longer if I have been over promoted and now things have caught up with me. I don't have a lot of skills as I joined the civil service at 18 and am still here aged 35.

Can anyone suggest anything that might help me to cope with a bully? Or improve my chances of moving on in the civil service? I am desperate for some tips. THank you

Sounds really hard. Poor you. Are you in a union? Sounds like their advice might be helpful.

Thank you. Unfortunately, in the office I work, the union do not tend to represent people of my grade

Speak to your union - if you are paying your subs then they are there to help you

I would carry on looking for other jobs, I think. Have you actually been refused any because of her reference? In my field people don't even look at the references until the job's been offered. Is that different for civil servants?

Keep records and keep speaking with your colleagues,theres power in numbers.

Act professionally at all times and do not let her see you are affected by her 'bullying',perhaps in time she will move on to someone else.

No, I haven't actually been refused for any jobs yet, I am waiting on the result of a couple of applications. If I get turned down, I will ask for feedback on why.

Not sure what weight other govt depts place on references, but it won't help my cause to have such an average one

Not mentioned what dept you're in OP but there is a hgih profile anti-Bullying & Harassment campaign going on in some depts just now.

I would have thought you'd still get union representation as you're entitled to it. Would it be PCS or FDA, perhaps?

Keep records of everything & if there are witnesses ask them if they'd support you (you say others feel like this)

If your hours were agreed they must have met the business requirement so she has to accomodate your request to change the meeting times, at least some weeks.

Can you speak to her one on one & possibly aske for a development move or similar, rather than considering demotion.

Sadly there are still managers like this throughout the civil service & as they get results, even if it's because their staff are scared of them rather than they are motivational, they are held up as 'good' managers.

Hope you can resolve with her but you will have to be strong as the only way to deal with a bully, especially this type, is to stand your ground.

Also, I find myself feeling physically sick and frightened when I have to go to see her, as I can never anticipate what criticism will be coming my way next. Any tips on how to cope with this? Should I pretend not to care, try to win her round (god knows how!), let her see me upset so she knows I don't pose a threat???? Just what is the best way to deal with a manager determined to pick fault even when I believe I have managed my work effectively?

Can you speak to someone in HR in confidence? I had a very similar situation to yours and our HR were actually pretty good.

I agree re: keeping detailed accounts of everything that goes on between you, even the most minor thing that she does that upsets or worries you. It will help your case if things go any further than this.

She is bullying you, btw.

I would look into assertiveness.....there is a 4 step technique...let's see.....something like:

1. listen and show understanding
2. say what you think and feel
3. ask for what you want
4. ask for agreement

It always helps me to tackle tricky work situations.

You'd problee need to look into it more to understand how best to use it though, as tricky to explain on here. Keeps me sane and sensible when dealing with tricky people.

Interesting because DH has just quit his civil service job after 14 years because of bullying by his line manager and the one above. Fine for 13.5 years, then a change of manager and it all goes tits up. She undermined him, told him off like a schoolboy in public, pulls him up on every bit of his work, piles on tasks that there are not enough hours in the day to do, and pulled him in for a meeting on the 23rd December to give him three weeks to meet her standards or he was out. He went in over Christmas and worked like buggery, happy with the result but she still found fault. Personnel are involved but on her side as she has been very clever about it. Fighting back doesn't work, no one to report to. So nothing he could do but quit. He was on the verge of a breakdown.

I know I'm hijacking but just wanted to let you know that you're not the only one it's happened to.

OchAye - your situation sounds familiar, this is how my line manager operates. I'm really sorry to hear that it's come to that for your DH.

Will definitely see if I can arrange some training and counselling for myself. Not sure about telling HR, as our HR person is quite friendly with my LM, so I will have to think carefully about who I can trust.

I think you need to remind yourself how great you are, holding down your job and looking after your family, as well as your many other qualities. Lots and lots of people love, like and respect you, I'm sure, and you don't need this woman's love or like or respect or approval. All you have to do is do is remain professional and do your job to the best of your ability and skip home to your lovely family at the end of your day while you wait for something better to come up. It's her loss if she can't see your good qualities or even dislikes you. Try and let her words wash over you a bit- remember that most people who are nasty like this are desperately insecure and unhappy deep down. I would cultivate an attitude of "Love my job but can't be arsed with office politics" and just smile politely when she feeds back anything negative. Maybe say something like "thanks. I'll take another look at that". Is there anyone particularly good at handling her that you copuld model yourself on for a while until she's faded to her rightful place in the background?

Any chance of a secondment?

Sounds dreadful for you. IME union really does help. I'm also a civil servant and the PCS were fantastic for me when I had problems at work (even though am SCS so technically should be FDA). Definitely worth talking to them. If you want to fight her then they would support you I'm sure - especially if you have evidence (you might be able to make the case that there's sex discrimination in her arranging mgmt meetings when you're not there - civil service is supposed to really support P/T working).

Please don't think about being demoted. Obviously I don't know you - or circumstances - but it's really easy to have your confidence really knocked by 1 person and it will come back if you can get out of the situation. Also v common to have crisis of confidence when you come back from maternity leave. It's really hard adjusting to working part time.

Is there any chance of you using a different referee for any applications? There are bits of the civil service with supportive managers - honest - but you should probably get away from this one before she does you any more harm.

My only other suggestion is to ask HR for a coach - someone a bit removed from your immediate situation might be able to help.

In terms of how you deal with someone who's just picking fault with you it might help to make sure everything is written down and you've got no room for disagreement (so after a meeting send her an email saying you said x - I said I'd do y and then next time you can point to it and show you did it).

Campaspe - this is a quick one. Do you have some kind of performance agreement? The key is to make this really concrete, setting out exactly what your goals and targets are. I don't know what area you are in (I'm also in civil service) but you need to have something that when she comes to rate you, she has to make an objective assessment against an agreed performance target. So she can't say; 'Campaspe doesn't manage her time effectively' if all of your targets have been met. FOr this to work it has to be really concrete things that are either achieved yes or no, no argument.

It's hard to comment on the rest because we don't know how you are performing. But her refusal to move the managers meeting to a time you can make is unreasonable and this you should pull her up on. The civil service has a big commitment to flexible working/ part time etc and she needs to learn about this as part of her diversity training. YOu should speak to her (and if no joy HR) about this.

Finally, just wanted to say that I know how awful it is to be in a job where you feel shaky and sick at the thought of dealing with the people you work with. I was in the situation many years ago and it knocked my confidence very badly. You can recover from this but in my experience, getting out of that environment was crucial.

Thank yo for your supportive and kind messages. THere is a lot of food for thought here. I have to go and put DD to bed, but I will think over what you have all said. Thank you once again.

"everything is a little more subtle"

No, I think that having a meeting on a day you are not in is pretty blatant actually. Especially as you have asked her to move it.

You do need to join a union. You need them to hold your hand through this - I have been there. If the union gets involved, it's my experience that the person concerned backs down pretty quickly.

hi
Sorry to hear you are being treated so badly. This is familiar bullying to what I am experiencing and I know how awful it feels.

I've taken advice of lots of people but one bit of advice stands out to me when I read that you said you couldnt raise a complaint as its all so subtle.... This person (previous mentor and line mgr to me)said that it doesnt matter what they do, its about how the person makes you feel and how you percieve the situation. If you are feeling bullied thats what needs to be addressed.

Not sure thats very helpful but it made me feel like I wasnt imagining it.

On a more practical notes, get HR involved and find out the procedure for a grievance. Maybe confront this bully and tell her this is what you are going to do if she doesnt improve things. She may well back down....

Good luck

I used a good management coach in a situation like this, and it was very helpful. I did the job I was in, but very amicably, and moved onto something better that paid a lot more. I would just focus on getting yourself sorted out and not waste time trying to get on her good side as it is probably a lost cause, from what you have said.

sorry - meant to type "did leave the job"