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Original poster

Feeling frustrated by lack of own income

16 replies

Anagallisarvensis · 22/01/2009 14:00

Hi there

I gave up full-time work when I had my kids, now 8 and 6 and was happy to stay at home. However, I always had some small income of my own, either from a weekend shop job and/or part time childminding. 18 months ago we moved from a large city to a very small town/large village and now I can't find any suitable part-time work. We don't have a second car and buses run infrequently here. I don't want to go back to childminding now my own kids are in school, and in any case I've seen lots of childminders advertising vacancies so I don't think there's much demand locally. I wouldn't want to put the kids in childcare in the holidays either, so that's an issue too - I don't have a support network here.

There has been lots of publicity about how the government is going to help/force long-term unemployed back into jobs, so I went to see them at the Job Centre. Not surprisingly I don't qualify for any payments as my husband is in a well-paid full-time job. But I don't even count as unemployed, and the adviser said the back-to-work stuff was just for the work-shy and nothing but a revolving door so it wasn't worth signing on.

Has anyone else had this experience of suddenly having no money of your own? I had a bit in savings but have now used those up. My other half isn't stingy with money, but I hate feeling I have to justify every purchase for myself (we don't have a joint current account, I do all the household shopping on a credit card and it gets paid off every month). I'd also like to attend some events to help with my writing ambitions, but I need to be able to pay for them!

I know I'm looking for work at the worst possible time, and my deepest sympathies for anyone who's just been made redundant. It's just that where I lived before I could walk into town in the morning and have a job by the afternoon. The adviser looked at me as if I came from another planet when I told her that.

Is anyone doing anything worthwhile working from home? Suggestions welcome. I've looked online but lots of them seem to be scams.

OP posts:

BonnieJoon · 22/01/2009 19:52

I think you might need to change the arrangement for "your" money. I work (well until the end of the month), and am not looking forward to not having an income before I find something else.

If I end up without a job for a bit (once the voluntary redundancy money runs out) I expect DH and I will work out how much each of us has to spend on essentials, put that in a joint account, and then share the rest 50/50 in our own accounts.

So we will have a joint account for bills / food/ standing orders and can spend the remainder on whatever we want

tis only fair

Original poster

Anagallisarvensis · 23/01/2009 10:43

Thanks for the suggestion Bonnie. I will talk to DH about it. He seems to think it should be fine for me to ask for money as and when I need/want it but I still feel like an MP having to justify expenses!

I'm going to start teaching a daytime line dancing class, see if that gives me a bit of 'me' money.

OP posts:

nickschick · 23/01/2009 10:51

and the adviser said the back-to-work stuff was just for the work-shy and nothing but a revolving door so it wasn't worth signing on.

And as long as advisers say this sort of thing will single parents feel like 'spongers'- you arent skint by any mens and you could fford childcre if you chose it - imagine being a single mum with no back up family to help re childcare,she may want money shes earnt too but may feel the same as you that her children are young to be left with childminders etc ....yet she is workshy- my lovely friend is a single mum (not her choice her dh went off with another woman)she worked whilst they were together and now has to attend 6 monthly interviews to justify why she wont put her 3 children age 6 and under in childcare and return to work.

Thats not workshy thats the harsh reality of being a single mum.

Original poster

Anagallisarvensis · 23/01/2009 13:30

I didn't mean it to sound like I agreed with the adviser on the workshy comment- obviously there are lots of reasons why mums find it difficult or impossible to find suitable work. Single mums with young kids are in an especially difficult position and I have family and friends in that particular boat.

It was the fact that I don't count as an individual because my other half is working which riled me. It's not about the benefit - obviously they have to be means-tested. It's to do with this political boll**ks about helping the long-term unemployed when there's patently no such thing.

And my main question is how do other women cope with not earning money when they've been used to doing so for many years?

OP posts:

mrsbaldwin · 23/01/2009 14:01

I have a feeling there is one point of signing on - although you should check this - that you get your NI contributions paid, even if you don't get any weekly payments.

This is worth having as the level of contributions affects your pension.

A mum pal told me this a couple of years ago. But I am not knowledgeable in this area - like I said you'd have to check.

Original poster

Anagallisarvensis · 23/01/2009 14:23

My understanding is that as we are receiving child benefit (it's in my name/NI number but paid into DH's bank account) this counts as Home Responsibilities Protection which covers people caring for children (or an adult needing care). It will reduce the number of years of contributions I'll need to claim a state pension. It replaced that old married woman's contribution which was worth naff all.

I worked full time from age 19 to 35 so have 16 years of contributions. At some stage I have to get up to at least 22 years - assuming that there is such a thing as a pension by the time I'm 65 LOL. If I didn't have kids I'd need 44 years of contributions to get a pension.

There's stuff on the UK government work and pensions site if people want to look it up.

OP posts:

BonnieJoon · 23/01/2009 16:27

I am sure your DH doesn't mind giving you any money you need/want and doesn't realise how it feels to have to ask for money / feel like you have to justify yourself.

SO better if you can find an arrangement where you don't have to

MrsMattie · 23/01/2009 16:30

Why don't you have a joint account?

Original poster

Anagallisarvensis · 23/01/2009 18:57

Re account: just the way it worked out. My earnings went into my account and got spent on Christmas, presents for my friends, plants (I love my garden) miscellaneous stuff for me, he paid/pays for everything else.

BTW - going to be away for a few days so bear with me if anyone has a question and doesn't get an answer quickly!

OP posts:

tippysam · 05/02/2009 22:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Judy1234 · 07/02/2009 17:06

I always worked full time over 24 years as a mother and five children and I'm not sure how I would have felt had I not. At least you won't have to pay huge sums out to your other half if he divorces you as I had to... look on the bright side may be.

Ronaldinhio · 07/02/2009 17:11

Tippysam
Any chance of paying for the advertisement of your business in small business ads? Only seems fair to those others who have done so...

tribpot · 07/02/2009 17:19

Ah yes Xenia, the 'Sarah Jessica Parker' problem (ALLEGEDLY).

OP I think both having an allowance is the way to go; dh feels a bit resentful that I've never formalised this for him (he's a SAHD/too ill to work) and it's caused a bit of tension recently so I'm going to sit down and work out what's fair for us both to have as 'play money' each month.

sunshine75 · 12/02/2009 13:57

Get a joint account - now. You are married/ it's a partnership. It is money for both of you.

Sorry if this sounds a bit harsh but I am flabergasted that in the 21st century that women still get an allowance/credit card paid for by men.

We have a joint account (although I earn more than dh) and it's the best thing we could have done. We think of it as 'our' money and have no squabbles over it.

Abip · 27/04/2009 21:27

Oh i know how you feel x when i had my children my ex-husband worked and i could not as child care outweighed income. I felt awful having to ask for money as i felt i needed to justify every time i wanted something new. I now work full-time and am moving in with my partner and losing a lot of money through childcare cost! ( kids are 5 and 7) however he will pay most bills as he earns more than double so will have some money left to me XXX

annh · 27/04/2009 22:40

I don't actually think the single/joint account is the issue here. I am in a very similar situation where I stopped working a year ago, after having always worked from age 20-44. DH is also in a high-paying job and although we are affected by the credit crunch like everyone, there's certainly enough to pay the bills at the end of the month. However, I HATE the fact that the money I spend has not been earned by me. It's fine when I'm buying groceries, paying for the children's activities etc but I wish I had some money of my own if I feel like blowing some money on a not strictly necessary manicure or pair of shoes. So far I have had some money of my own to buy DH's Christmas and birthday presents but this year I will be paying for his present on the joint credit card. Depending on how organised I am, he may be able to work out what it is if the bill comes in before his birthday and it just doesn't seem right. I'm sure someone is going to say that I have just as much earned the money as him by being at home, looking after the boys, keeping the house/garden/cars going but I can only feel that all these things somehow also kept going when I was out at work and earning thousands of pounds as well!

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